Stuck In My Head
by IHeartLogiebear
Summary: Over the course of a few short months, James has taken a turn for the worse. The voices, the hallucinations, and the paranoia have become a part of his everyday life. The worst part is not knowing what might happen next. His increasingly erratic behavior is beginning to worry his family and friends. This leaves one important question. Who can save James Diamond?
1. Paranoid

**Okay, I _was _gonna wait to post this until Just Call Me Daddy or Haunted is finished, but I figured that it wouldn't hurt to post the first chapter for you guys to enjoy! :) However, I probably won't start updating this regularly until I finish one of the other stories, which shouldn't be too much longer:)**

* * *

_"Loooseeerrrr..."_

_"So worthless!"_

_"I'll bet that he falls on his ass tonight."_

_"He should just kill himself and satisfy everyone else."_

The voices just won't leave me alone. As I sit in my English class, mentally preparing for tonight's show, I feel myself becoming increasingly anxious. This has been going on for months and it scares me, but I've never told a soul. If I told anyone that I hear voices, they would think I'm crazy. I _know _I'm not crazy, but I still can't figure out where these voices came from.

_"Mrs. Knight keeps a gun in her bedside drawer."_

_ "Do everyone a favor and USE IT!"_

I flinch as one of the voices screams at me, making my head hurt. I've been getting headaches a lot lately and medication doesn't even do much good, only a little bit. I would tell Logan, but he would only get paranoid and try to make me see a doctor. I just know that these voices don't plan on leaving anytime soon.

Speaking of Logan, he's not in school today. He's been out for a few days, ever since he got attacked while walking home from doing vocals with Gustavo. The voices have told me to kill the man that attacked my friend, but I'm not sure if that would be right. I don't even know who committed the horrid act.

_"I think Wayne Wayne wants you dead."_

I have two voices in my head. One's a guy and the other's a girl. They're always telling me that everyone hates me and that I should die and that people want me dead. I don't like them, but they never leave. I wish they would, but they don't. I don't even get much sleep anymore because they scream at me all night.

I don't just hear things either. Quite often, I'll see monsters, ghosts, and demons lurking around. On the rare occasion that I do sleep, I silently cry myself to sleep.

_"James, you know what I think?"_

"What?" I murmur.

_"Logan is a dork anyway. Maybe you should use that gun on him!"_

I inhale, trying to ignore him. I look up at the clock, counting down the minutes until I can get out of here. I just wanna lock myself in my room until it's time to head over to the venue. I'm actually dreading it. There will be thousands of people in the arena and I fear seeing all their eyes on me, like they're just waiting for me to screw up.

RIIIIIIIIING!

"Remember to turn in your homework on Monday!" Mrs. Hansen tells us. Without acknowledging Kendall or Carlos, I grab my bag and hurry out of the classroom, practically running toward the exit. I am terribly relieved to see Mama Knight and Katie in the van, hurriedly crawling into the backseat.

"Are you okay, hon? You look a little shaken up."

"I'm fine." I whisper in response to Mama Knight's question.

_"Liar!"_

God, I hate her. Voice #2, not Mama Knight. Voice #2 is the one that calls me names and tells me how worthless I am. Voice #1 tells me to hurt people and tells me that people are out to get me. I'm not sure whether to believe him or not. I seem to doubt everything lately.

"Hey, you were suppose to wait for us!" Carlos complains, crawling beside me.

"I just wanna go home and get ready." I tell him.

"The show's in four hours, so he's probably right." Kendall agrees. "Gustavo will kill us if we're late."

_"Hear that, James? Don't be late or you'll die...literally."_

I really hate Voice #1. I hate Voice #2, but nowhere near as much as Voice #1. Sometimes I just wanna scream, but I figure that screaming in public would be inappropriate. That would just give the voices more reason to harass me. They already accuse me of being a "man whore" and a "loser." I don't need them saying that I'm a weirdo or a freak.

"Mom, who's taking care of Logan?" Kendall asks worriedly.

"Emily's with him." Mama Knight answers as she leaves the parking lot. Emily is her new friend, a mom of two that moved into the Palm Woods a few months ago. I like Emily a lot. Her twin daughters, Sarah and Alaina, are aspiring actresses. They're ten years old and they're really cute. Even better, they're not insane like me.

"Someone should kill the guy that did that to him." Carlos says bitterly.

_"I know James wants to!"_

Shut up, Voice #2!

"Boys, we're all upset about what happened, but killing the attacker won't do any good. We just need to be there for Logan."

"Are you sure we can't go to his house and beat him with a hockey stick?" Katie frowns. I roll my eyes, looking out the window. Everyone else in this world seems so happy and normal. I would love to be like them and at one point, I was. I don't remember when everything changed for the worse. All I know is that the voices started about seven or eight months ago.

"Kathryn Elizabeth Knight..."

"Okay! Dang..."

I am so relieved when we get to the Palm Woods. I was tempted to ask if we could enter through the back door, but I'm trying to act as normal as possible. So I suck it up and following the others through the lobby and into the elevator. Why does the lobby make me so nervous these days? Just seeing so many people in one room freaks me out.

_"I still think he should blow his brains out."_

There goes Voice #2 again.

Next thing I know, we've arrived at apartment 2J, where we've been living for the past two and a half years. When we enter the apartment, Logan is cuddled up on the couch with a blanket, while Emily sits beside him. They're talking quietly and, for some reason, I feel like they're talking about me. God, I need to get to my room FAST.

Without saying a word to anyone, I hurriedly walk to my room and shut the door, making sure to lock it. Okay, James, just get your clothes on and your hair done. Yeah, that's all I have to do. Then we can get to the venue, do a rehearsal, a sound check with a few lucky fans, do the concert, and come back home.

"James? You okay, man?" Kendall asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I lie. "Um, is Logan sure that he wants to go on tonight?"

"He says that he's okay!" Kendall sounds pretty uncertain. The incident only happened about five days ago, so everyone's still on edge. When Logan told his mom that he was going back onstage just days after the attack, she was pretty reluctant. It's a good thing that I wasn't alone at that time, because I had a knife in my hand and hearing Logan talk about it made me feel tempted to brutally stab the one that hurt him.

"Kay." I say, grabbing a pair of jeans from the dresser drawer. I pair that with a black T shirt and black leather jacket. As usual, my voices are rambling about nothing looking good on me. Well, I have to wear something and everyone always compliments me on my style. Of course, I feel tempted to change since the voices don't seem to like my choice. But I don't bother picking out a new outfit.

_"Those crowds of fans don't give a damn about you."  
_

_"You're the least popular member of the band!"_

_"You shouldn't even be in Big Time Rush."_

With tears in my eyes, I slip the clothes on, trying to block everything else out.

* * *

"Maybe you shouldn't do this." Carlos says nervously to Logan.

"Look, I'm fine." Logan replies. "Do me a favor and stop with the sympathy."

It doesn't take a genius to realize that he's irritated. Ever since the incident, he's been like that quite a bit. He doesn't even like to be touched. It's as if his mind translates every touch as a threat. Someone could reach out to hug him and he'd think that they were trying to hurt him. I can't judge, though. I'm more paranoid than anyone.

_"Good luck failing."_

I take deep breaths in a useless attempt to stay calm, crossing my arms over my chest. I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to perform tonight. I should have faked sick. I'm certain that the guys would do just fine without me for one night. I don't think I belong onstage right now.

I find myself looking around the backstage area, shaking lightly. In one corner, I see a scary ghost with solid black eyes staring at me. I quickly look away, feeling like I might throw up. What does she want with me? What does anyone want with me? Why am I even alive right now? I don't know the answer to any of these questions and that terrifies me more than anything else.

* * *

So far, so good. We just have to perform "Picture This," then we're done. I've gotten through the past nineteen songs, so I'm feeling somewhat confident now. Well, I was doing fine until I got a good look at the audience. A few months ago, I loved seeing our Rushers. Now I'm looking at them and they don't even look human. It looks like a bunch of monsters staring back at me.

_"They want you to die!"_

_"They don't care about you!"_

"Um, I gotta go!" I say before running backstage. Gustavo is screaming at me to get back onstage, but I don't pay any attention to him. I just run straight to my dressing room and hide in the private bathroom. In a panic, I grab my razor off the sink counter, digging it into my skin. I watch with a sickening relief as my left arm begins to bleed, until I hear Kendall calling my name.

"Jay, what happened?"

"I just felt a little sick!" I lie _again_. "I'm fine! Just let me get cleaned up and I'll get back up there in a minute."

"Um, okay?"

"Just let the fans know that I wasn't feeling well and I'll be back up there in a few."

"Whatever..."

I am so glad I wore long sleeves. I am able to the bleeding to stop, wrap some gauze around my arm, and pull my sleeve back down. Then I quietly exit the dressing room, ignoring Gustavo's dirt look that he gives me. When I return to the stage, I wave to the crowd, saying an apology into the microphone.

"WE LOVE YOU, JAMES!"

_"The brat's lying to you."_

Voice #2...

_"Yeah, she really hates you, just like everyone else."_

And stupid Voice #1.

I don't know how much more I can take.

* * *

**Can you guess what James's problem is? :O**

**Review! :D**


	2. Troubled

_"Look at that big, sharp knife."_

_"Looks like it could cut deep."_

_"Use it, James! Use it..."_

_"Cut yourself!"_

I shouldn't be up at 2:30 in the morning, but here I am, clutching a knife in my hand. If the voices are telling me to do it, I should, right? Anyone else would probably say no, but...I don't know. All I know is that I have this urge to make more cuts on my arms. I already have several and it looks terrible, but I've been doing good at hiding them. No big deal, right? I mean, I deserve this!

Just as I am pressing the knife against my arm, I hear footsteps, so I hurriedly drop the knife in its proper drawer and close it. I look up from the counter to see Logan walking into the room. His eye and nose are still bruised, but our stylist had no problem covering it up. I still wanna stab the guy that hurt him.

"James? What are you doing up?" He asks, flinching as he touches his sore nose.

"N-nothing." I lie yet again.

_"Lying again, are we? God, once your friends and family find out what a liar you are, they'll hate you ever more!"_

I watch anxiously as Logan grabs a bottle of water from the fridge, staring at the ghostly creature behind him. Why is her face bleeding? Who did that to her? What is she doing here? God, I feel like I'm going crazy! But I'm not! I'm not crazy! I know for a fact that I am one hundred percent sane.

"D-did you h-have a nightmare?"

"Yeah." Logan murmurs quietly.

_"The nightmare probably involved you."_

_"The world would be so much better off without you."_

"I've gotta use the restroom..." I hurry to the restroom, locking the door behind me. When I look in the mirror, I don't see myself. I see a monster in my place. Pale skin, solid black eyes, bloodstained face...is that what I really look like? Is that what people see when they look at me? Ugh, no wonder they hate me!

I quickly grab the razor and start making cuts on my arms, hoping that it might distract me from my appearance in the mirror. I'm scared, there's no denying that, and cutting helps me. Others wouldn't understand, though. That's why I can't tell them. I always make sure that I'm alone when I cut, but I still worry that there are hidden cameras everywhere, watching me self mutilate. Then they can show the video to my family and "friends," and give them all another reason to find me completely and utterly repulsive.

"James, can you let me in? I wanna take a warm bath."

"Sure..." I say, rushing to get myself cleaned up.

"James?"

"I'm just washing my hands!" I say, turning the sink on. After a couple more minutes, I manage to stop the bleeding with some toilet paper, then I flush it down the toilet. Pulling my sleeves back down, I unlock the door, hurrying past Logan. I see the weird look he gives me and I don't like it at all.

"James, why are you sleeping on the couch?" I hear him ask when I lay on the couch.

"I thought you were gonna take a bath." I mumble, pulling a blanket over my tired body.

"I just wanted to make sure you're alright." Logan frowns. "Are you?"

"Yeah." I mutter, closing my eyes. But the voices don't stop long enough to let me sleep. They never stay away for very long. They're always around to taunt me and remind me of everything that's wrong with me, even when I'm trying to sleep. Why do you think I don't sleep much anymore? The voices keep me awake!

_"The government is spying on you."_

_"Yeah, there are hidden cameras all over this room."_

I take deep breaths in an attempt to stay calm, but it's nearly impossible. Hidden cameras? I knew it! Someone is watching me. I have suspected that someone had their eyes on me. So what do I do? I pull the covers over my head so the cameras can't see me. I can't let them see me! I just can't! Oh god, I'm freaking out.

This isn't anything new, though. It's just another restless night from hell.

* * *

"Well, the media is already talking about James's public meltdown!" Gustavo growls, shoving the magazine into my hands. I glare angrily, handing it back to him. What happened at the concern was far from a "meltdown." All I did was run offstage for a few minutes. That hardly classifies as a meltdown.

"Gustavo, he was sick!" Kendall retorts. "All he did was leave the stage!"

"And he came back!" Carlos points out. I cross my arms, looking at the floor. I chew on the inside of my cheek, unsure of what I should say. There's really not much that can be said. I mean, I already know what they want. They don't even have to say it out loud. I _know _the truth. They can't deny it either.

"Whatever, let's just get to work." Gustavo grumbles, sitting in a chair at the sound board.

_"No one wants to hear your voice."_

_"You have NO TALENT!"_

I am shaking as I put my headphones on, trying to ignore the voices. But I can't! I CAN'T IGNORE THEM! Also, how can I focus on recording when hidden cameras have been set up in the booth? What if someone is tracking my every move? Seriously, I think someone is tracking my cell phone and waiting until I'm alone so they can find me and kill me.

"I need to step outside for a minute." I say, taking off my headphones and leaving the studio. Gustavo screams at me to get my butt back in the recording booth, but I just keep walking. I run out the backdoor and dig through my pocket, taking out my pack of cigarettes. Nothing like a little nicotine to relax.

"James, what the hell are you doing?!" Carlos yells, grabbing my wrist as I start lighting up.

"I'm eighteen, Carlos." I mutter. "This is legal."

"But it's bad for you!" Carlos snaps, taking my lighter away.

_"Now's your chance."_

_"Strangle him, Jamie bear."_

_"He doesn't have any business telling you what to do."_

"Stop!" I whisper.

"Who are you talking to?" Carlos asks me.

"Nothing!" I say angrily, throwing the cigarette to the ground. I'm getting real aggravated with his questions, so it would be real nice if he would shut up and leave me alone. I mean, I just want some alone time, but he can't let me have that. Who cares about recording today anyway? I don't think it would kill Gustavo to let us skip a day.

"I swear, you're losing it."

"Excuse me? Are you implying that I'm crazy?" I scoff.

"James, I didn't mean anything by it."

I snort, roughly shoving past him, heading back into the studio. How dare he imply that I'm crazy! I'm not crazy. I'm know I'm not! I know myself well enough to know that I am not crazy. I feel like turning around and giving that kid a good punch in face, but the hidden cameras would see the whole thing, release it to the tabloids, and my reputation would be ruined!

"_Freak."_

I clench my jaw as I storm back into the studio, ignoring Gustavo's look of annoyance and the concerned glances from Kendall and Logan. I don't know why everyone is acting like they're so concerned about me. I mean, Logan got attacked the other day and he's pretending that it doesn't bother him. YEah, like someone's gonna get their ass kicked and _not _be scarred for life.

"WHERE'S CARLOS?!"

"Right here." Carlos says bitterly, glaring at me as he walks into the booth.

_"Better sleep with one eye open, pretty boy."_

* * *

"Hey, boys! How was work?" Mama Knight asks as we walk into 2J.

"Fan-freaking-tastic." I grumble, walking to my room and shutting the door. I press my ear against the door to listen in on the conversation.

"What's wrong with James?" Katie asks.

"He walked out of the studio and I caught him smoking outside!"

I tighten my fists, resisting the strong urge to go out there and beat Carlos into a pulp. He deserves it for talking about me behind my back. I mean, what I do is my business! If I wanna smoke, I'll smoke. If I wanna cut, I'll cut. I've been doing both of those things for months and nothing bad has happened! If and when something bad _does _happen, it won't be because of me. No, it'll be because of _them._

"James, get out here!" Mama Knight calls out.

"Fine!" I pull the door open, letting them know how annoyed I am. I already know that Mama Knight is gonna lecture me on the dangers of smoking and embarrass me in front of the guys. She and the guys have probably be waiting for this moment. They've been waiting for the perfect opportunity to humiliate me.

"You were smoking?"

"I was about to, but I didn't because _Carlos _stopped me."

"Oh, don't pin this on me!" Carlos snaps. I make a threatening step toward him, but Kendall grabs me.

"Man, what has gotten into you?" He asks me.

_"Don't say anything!"_

_"If you say anything, they'll all think you're crazy."_

_ "Listen to us unless you want to die."_

_"You'll die, James!"_

"I'm just tired." I finally say, taking in a deep breath. I roughly turn around and return to my room, shutting and locking the door. I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself. I just don't know.

* * *

**Now I'm gonna write a new chapter of Haunted:) It'll be posted later today! :D**

**Review! :D**


	3. Unwell

**Okay, I found a theme song for this story! Go to youtube and search for Unwell by Matchbox 20:) It's AWESOME:D**

* * *

**Dear journal,**

**Someone's out to get me. I just know it. Someone has set up hidden cameras all over the Palm Woods and they're watching my every mood. I'm not safe anywhere. Did you know that someone is tracking my cell phone? I have it with me everywhere I go, so there's no doubt that my stalker knows where I am at all times. It's really freaking me out and I wanna tell someone, but they wouldn't believe me. They would say I'm crazy. I'm not crazy, though. I know I'm not. **

**I just wanna die and get away from it all. My voices tell me that I should kill myself and I'm starting to think that I just might do it. I don't know if I can take much more of this.**

**James**

The hallway closet is the only place I feel safe, so that's where I am right now. Anywhere else, I'd be watched. I don't want that. I'm pretty sure that this is the only place that doesn't have hidden cameras watching me. In the closet, I can write in peace, where no one can get a hold of my inner thoughts.

Just as I close the journal, I hear footsteps getting closer.

_"Great, they're gonna think you're a freak for hiding in a damn closet."  
_

_ "Worthless piece of garbage."_

_"Why are you even still alive?"_

"James?" Logan frowns. "Why are you sitting in the closet?"

I pull my knees to my chest and scoot back against the wall, fearing that he might be planning to kill me. This would be the perfect chance. Everyone else is asleep, so there's no one to stop him from doing it. Who knows? Maybe he has a gun inside his sweat shirt and he's gonna shoot me. I wonder how he would kill me if that's what he wants to do. Knife? Gun? Strangling? Pushing me off a tall building?

"This the only safe place." I mumble.

"What? James, that's crazy talk." Logan says, grabbing my wrist. I flinch as he pulls me out of the closet, feeling on the verge of a panic attack. This is it! He's gonna drag me into the hallway and beat me into a dead, bloodied pulp. I _know _that's what he's thinking. I can read minds and I know that he's planning to kill me.

"Don't kill me!" I cry out.

"James, calm down! I'm not gonna hurt you!" Logan says frantically. Then he stops talking, rolling up my sleeves. My arms are littered with more than 30 cuts. Concern seems to fill Logan's eyes, but it's a lie. Does he think that I don't know the truth? For God's sake, I'm not stupid!

"J-james, what is this?" He whispers.

"Don't touch me!" I say through my teeth, yanking my arm out of his grasp.

"James, have you been hurting yourself?" Logan tries to reach out to me again, but I easily overpower him. Grabbing his shoulders, I roughly push him against the wall, ignoring his whimpers of pain. I refuse to let anyone take my life. If anyone's gonna do it, it'll be me. There's no way in hell I'm letting anyone else do the deed for me.

"You mind your own #?# ing business!" I yell in his face.

"James, what are you doing?!" Kendall shouts, running over to us and pulling me off of Logan. Carlos hurries to Logan's side and pulls him into a hug, rubbing his back. Ugh, it makes me sick, the way they're comforting that...that...that monster! Don't they realize what he planned on doing to me? Maybe they're all in it together!

"Boys, what's going on?!" Mama Knight yells, storming into the room. In a panic, I pull myself out of Kendall's grip and run out of the apartment, heading for the staircase and going up to the rooftop. Okay, I'm safe now. Well, unless...oh yeah, someone is definitely watching. I see demons all around, mocking me.

_"Loser can't even control his temper."_

_"You really screwed up this time."_

I sink to the floor in a fit of tears, clutching at my head. God, it feels like I'm going insane! I need to put an end to this. I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!

I jump to my feet and walk to the edge of the roof, looking down at the ground below. That's it! I'll jump and the voices will stop. I won't have to hear them anymore. And the monsters will leave me alone too. I'll finally be free. Besides, everyone will be better off without me around. I think they'll be happy when I'm gone.

_"DO IT!"  
_

Slowly, I step onto the edge, preparing to meet death. As I start to step off the roof, someone grabs me and pulls me back. I scream as Kendall tightens his grip around me. WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?!

"James, what were you doing?!" He shouts at me.

"Let me go!" I cry. "Just let me die!"

"Jay, what's going on?" Kendall asks desperately. I sob and struggle to get away, but he's holding on too tight. I feel like I'm being strangled. He's trying to kill me. Why didn't he just let me do it myself? It would be so much easier for me to take my own life. Ugh, please! Why can't he just back off?!

"Jay, it's okay!" He says, his arms wrapped around me.

"Kendall, what's going on?" Carlos asks with (false) worry. In reality, he doesn't give a damn about me. I just know it.

"Call 911." I hear Kendall whisper. He buries his face in my hair, while I keep struggling to get away. I look up to see Carlos and Logan looking down at me. I cry out when their faces morph into demonic figures, burying my face in Kendall's shoulder. I honestly feel like someone is suffocating me.

_"They don't love you."_

_"They've never loved you."_

_"They'll never love you."_

_"Kendall wanted to push you off the edge."_

I cry out again, but it's like no one hears me. I can hear Carlos yapping away on his phone, but it's not like I'm paying much attention. I'm too busy crying in Kendall's arms. God, will someone please put an end to this madness? I can't take it anymore! I just wanna die so it'll go away!

"Kendall, what's wrong?" Mama Knight asks, kneeling beside us.

"I think he's having some kind of mental breakdown." Kendall whispers. I look at him with disbelief, tears still streaming down my face. There it is. The "you're crazy" accusation. He thinks I'm crazy. The whole world thinks I'm crazy. They don't know crap about me. They don't understand what's going on. They don't realize that I'm being stalked and haunted by monsters every day of my pathetic life.

"The ambulance is on its way." Carlos murmurs.

In about ten, fifteen minutes, I am strapped to a stretcher and rolled downstairs to the parking garage and into an ambulance, where I am injected with a heavy dose of _poison. _People pretend to care about me, but they're just like all the others. They want to fool me into believing they care, so they can turn around and stab me in the back.

Next thing I know, I've blacked out.

* * *

"Paranoid schizophrenia, definitely."

"What's that?"

"Carlos, schizophrenia is a mental illness where you hallucinate, have delusions/false beliefs, you think everyone's out to get you, blah blah blah."

"So James is crazy?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that he's crazy. He's mentally ill, which isn't his fault."

_"They're talking about you."_

I whimper softly as I regain consciousness, slowly opening my eyes. My eyes dart around the white room and to my right, where Mama Knight, Katie, and the guys are talking to some guy in a white coat. I soon notice that I am wearing a light blue hospital gown, which sucks because I _hate _hospitals. Always have, always will.

"What can be done to help him?" Mama Knight asks.

"Until his condition is gotten under control, I think the safest decision would be to have him committed to a mental health facility." The doctor answers. I keep my eyes closed, but I feel like strangling the bastard. Mental hospital? He wants to have me committed to a loony bin? There is nothing wrong with me!

"Where do you think the best place would be?" Mama Knight questions, reaching out to touch my hair. I whimper and flinch away, fearing what she might do.

"Well, there is a place in Texas that's pretty good. I think it would be a good idea to get him away from Los Angeles for a while. I mean, he's in a famous boy band and I don't think it'd be a good idea for him to receive treatment in a city where paparazzi could be standing outside the hospital 24/7."

I whimper again, reopening my eyes. All eyes are on me now and I don't like it all. I'm not whether they look sympathetic or ashamed. Since I don't care to see their faces, I roll over onto my side, with my back facing them. While they engage in quiet conversation, my voices are screaming at me, not caring to give me a break.

* * *

**I'm gonna be posting a new chapter of Just Call Me Daddy later:)**

**Review! :D**


	4. Scared

**Yeah, a double update:) It's summer, I'm not busy, and I love writing fanfic:P By the way, for those of you who have 24/Seven, do you get an emotional feeling when listening to We Are? I do**

* * *

"I'M NOT-GET OFF OF ME!" I scream as two idiotic male nurses hold onto me. This stupid woman is trying to give me "medicine" as she calls, but it's really just poison. I was gonna get her before she can get me, but these jerks won't let me at her. I've been in this hell hole for three days now and this morning I found out that my mom got a court order to have me involuntarily committed to that mental hospital that my doctor mentioned. God, I hate people!

"James, you have to take your medication." She says calmly but firmly. I continue trying to get out of the grip of the nurses, crying as I am roughly thrown onto the bed. Oh god, one of them has a needle. I try so hard to get away, but they don't let me. Next thing I know, I'm being injected with the "medicine" and drifting off to sleep.

_"You are stupid."_

_"You were almost free, then you let Kendall find you! Stupid, stupid, stupid!"_

When I awaken, my mom is sitting beside my bed. I don't know how she can have the nerve to be in the same room as me after she betrayed me. I mean, having me committed? How could she do that to me? I mean, I'm her son! How can she stand to have her son committed to a mental institution when there's not even anything wrong with me?

"Honey, you're getting out today. She says gently. I roll my eyes, clenching my jaw, and rolling onto my other side. I don't even wanna look at her right now. She betrayed me just like everyone else. She's not like the rest of them. I know that I won't be going home when I get out of here. No, I'm gonna be transported straight to a loony bin in Hick Town, Texas.

_"Have fun with the other crazies, Jamie bear."_

"I'm not crazy." I whimper, clawing at my arms. I barely hear Mom shushing me and pulling my arms apart, turning me onto my back. I cry softly, screaming when I see a pitch black snake slithering across my bed. I try to warn Mom, but she doesn't seem to notice it like I do.

"Baby, there's no snakes!" She insists, holding me down.

"How can you not see it?!" I scream at her. I fall back against the pillow as she presses the call button, inviting nurses in to sedate me again. Why do they keep injecting me with that crap? It's gonna end up killing me! Don't they realize that? I don't understand why everyone around me seems so blinded to the truth.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?"

"Ms. Diamond, your son is-"

"He's already scared enough!"

"Yes, but he's also a danger to himself and others. We have to think about his safety and the safety of those around him."

I can't even cry as I'm once again injected with the horrific substance, my eyes beginning to close after a brief moment. Pretty soon, I'm unconscious...again.

* * *

Hours later, I was put on a helicopter to be taken to my own personal hell. I think we're almost to the correct destination. A nurse is sitting beside me, managing to aggravate me without even speaking. My mom is on my other side with her arm around me. The only reason I'm not throwing a bitch fit is that I'm still drugged up. I still hate them for poisoning me, by the way. That's all it is! _Poisoning_. They're trying to inject as much poison into me as possible so I'll eventually die.

And what up with the handcuffs? Seriously, someone put handcuffs on me. This is what really aggravates me. People are treating me like a nutcase and doing crap like restraining me with handcuffs. They would be panicking too if everyone was out to get them. There's gotta be a way to make them all see it, right?

"The guys, Jennifer, and Katie are taking a plane." Mom whispers. "They're gonna be right there with you."

I rest my head against the window, looking outside. If people weren't so observant, I could probably make another attempt at jumping to my death. I have no chance, though. It's hard to do with people watching. Why? Because the minute I stuck my foot out the helicopter door, someone would grab a hold of me and "sedate" me again. What a bunch of idiots.

Just as I finally begin falling asleep, the helicopter begins landing. Ugh, are you kidding me? I haven't slept worth a crap in months and I'm finally about to get some rest, then I'm interrupted by my arrival at the loony bin. The place looks nice from the outside, but I'll bet that it's pure hell on the inside.

"I'm _not _going." I say adamantly.

_"Bout time you got some backbone, pretty boy!"_

"Oh, yes you are!" Mom tells me. I try to protest as the nurse gently grabs me and pulls me out of my seat, pushing me toward the...okay, why the hell is there a stretcher outside? No! No, no more stretchers! No more restraints! You've gotta be kidding me...I can't even get a single word out before the handcuffs are removed and I'm strapped down.

_"Nice going, idiot!"_

Okay, I officially hate life.

* * *

**Mrs. Diamond's POV**

I don't know what to think right now. My sweet, precious baby boy is mentally ill. I don't understand, you know? He has always been such a normal boy and now we're walking through the doors of a mental institution. I mean, the hospital seems like a nice and relaxing environment, but it's not home. I know why the doctor wanted to send him here, though. The things he sees, hears, and believes...it's so real to him that it could cause him to become dangerous. Jennifer told me how he nearly attacked Logan the other day.

As we walk toward the check in desk, I find myself glancing at my precious son. I have _never _seen such fear on his face before. This isn't just silly, pointless fear either. I can tell that it's one hundred percent real just by looking at his face. I hate to say this, but he looks worse than he has ever looked before.

"When are you gonna unstrap him?" I hate seeing James restrained against his will. I know he may be a little erratic, but I can handle him if he gets out of control. I know my son and, deep down, he's still my baby. He's still my sweet boy, even if he doesn't seem like it at the moment. I'll do whatever it takes to bring him back and I don't think he needs to be strapped down like a prisoner.

"In just a moment." The flight nurse answers. Her job is to travel with mentally ill patients. She does pretty good at handling James, which I'm thankful for. Still, I don't appreciate seeing my eighteen year old son on a stretcher with restraints. So if they could show him a little respect and let him go, that would be good.

"Mom, I don't wanna be here." James whispers softly.

"You have to, honey." I say sadly, touching his face. My heart shatters when I see the tear streaming down his face and I reach out to wipe it away. I don't know how he ended up with something as awful as schizophrenia. His doctor back in Los Angeles said that it's something that usually develops in the late teens and 20s, but that doesn't explain how he got the illness in the first place.

After filling out several pages of paperwork, regarding James's medical history and other things, he is unrestrained and we're both led through some double doors, and into a peaceful family meeting room. While we wait for someone to come and talk to us, we have to wait with a nurse present. I _do not _like the way she talks to James. She talks to him as if he retarded, which he's not.

"The voices tell me to kill myself." James mumbles.

"Well, we don't want that!" The young nurse replies, a little too perky for my liking. I'm a forty two year old woman and I'm perfectly mature, but I can't help wanting to tell this person off. Hearing her talk to James this may reminds me of his state of mind, his very disturbed state of mind. I'm terrified of this whole situation and I'm not even the one who's sick.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

Since I have no interest in talking to anyone, I'm just gonna take a nap on this really crappy couch they have in the TV room. Mom went to get checked into a hotel, while I'm stuck in this place. She told me that the guys landed in a San Antonio airport about fifteen minutes ago and were on their way here. I suppose it would be nice to see some familiar faces. The only remotely interesting person I've seen in this really attractive brunette that's apparently obsessed with fire. Other than her, I hate everyone else here.

"We're here for James Diamond."

_"I'll bet that they're only here to tell him how stupid he is for ending up here."_

I take a deep shaky breath as I lay back down, pulling the blanket over my head. The voices just won't back off. I keep seeing the freaky ghosts and monsters, hearing those horrific voices, I could have sworn I saw a kid bleeding to death, and I honestly think that the nurses want to poison me. Well, I won't let them get away with it!

"Oh, he's right over there!"

"James? Honey, it's us."

I slowly remove the blanket, coming face to face with Mama Knight. The sympathy on her face makes me sick because I'm not sure if she's being genuine or not. Then I look at Katie and she looks downright afraid of me. Not as scared as Logan, of course. That kid is hiding behind Kendall and Carlos, who look just as intimidated as Logan and Katie.

_"They're happy you're in here."_

_"They want you out of their lives! This is a dream come true for them!"_

"No!" I whisper, trying to get them to shut up.

"Honey! James, baby, ignore the voices." Mama Knight pleads, kneeling in front of me. I shake my head, hiding under the covers. I just wanna know what's happening to me. Everyone's acting like I'm crazy, but I'm not. I'm just...I'm just a little sick and it's making it seem like I'm crazy. That's not the case, though. They understand that, right?

"I...can't." I whimper. Part of me is grateful for their presence, but other part of me just wants them to leave. Like, all the talking is just making it worse. It feels like putting on a pair of headphones with the sound magnified times ten. I just wanna block it all out and live in my own safe little world.

* * *

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	5. Visit

**Logan's POV**

"Spring break just started and we're spending it in Texas with James in a mental institution." Kendall grumbles, crawling under the covers. It doesn't take a genius to see that he's frustrated. We're all upset, but I mean, what can we do? It's not like we can magically make James's schizophrenia go away. He'll have to be in the hospital until they can get it under control. Even after he's released, he'll have to take medication and go to appointments on a regular basis.

Okay, this _does _suck.

"I still don't get what schizophrenia is." Carlos mumbles, laying down on the sofa bed.

I sigh softly. The doctor already explained it, but I guess he didn't explain it well enough for Carlos to understand. "Well, it's basically when reality becomes distorted and very confusing. The schizophrenic may hear voices and see things that aren't really there, and they may be paranoid, like James thinking that everyone's out to get him."

"Ohhh..."

I nod, laying under my own covers. When James shoved me against that wall three days ago, it reminded me of the week before, when I was attacked. My attacker didn't do enough to cause any major physical damage (other than some bruising), but he caused a whole lot of emotional scarring. I still think about it every day. James getting rough with me brought back memories of that horrible night. I can't be mad at him, though. He's schizophrenic. He wasn't in his right mind. If he were all there, he wouldn't have tried to hurt me.

"Will he ever get better?"

"Eventually." Kendall tells Carlos. "He'll spend some time in the hospital so his condition can be gotten under control, then he'll be let out and he'll have to take medication.

"Are we gonna visit him tomorrow?"

"Probably so."

I turn onto my other side, staring at the wall. Truthfully? I'm scared to see him. I mean, he's not even James anymore. It seems like a monster has replaced him. I know he's no such thing, but I can't help feeling that way. The James I know would never try to hurt a friend. The James I know is fully aware that his family and friends love him. What happened to _that _James?

"I'm scared of him."

"Carlos, you don't have to be scared of him." Kendall says, getting out of bed. "He's not gonna hurt anyone. Deep down, he's still James. It's just a matter of bringing him back."

I hope the old James _can _be brought back. He might have been a little self absorbed, but a slightly self centered James is better than schizophrenic James. At least the old James knew what reality was. This stranger that's taken his place...he doesn't know what's real and what isn't. He believes that the voices and hallucinations are real. That's not the James we know and love.

"Carlos, what song is that?" I frown, sitting up.

"Unwell." Carlos says, taking his earbuds out. "It's by Matchbox 20."

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell, I know right now you can't tell, but stay a little while and maybe then you'll see a different side of me." Kendall sings along. That song sounds like the story of James's life. If he ever gets his illness under control, maybe we can record a cover for Youtube or something.

"Look at this picture." Kendall sits on my bed, showing me a picture of the four of us backstage during our All Over The World tour. James looked genuinely happy then, smiling and hugging a young fan. Sometimes contest winners would get to come backstage and hang out with us. When I look at pictures like this, where James was still stable and happy, I find myself comparing him back then with him now. It's hard to believe that he went from being a happy person to being airlifted to a mental hospital.

"That was taken just a year ago." Carlos says quietly. "What do you think happened? It couldn't have happened for no reason, right?"

"Well," I inhale. "Sometimes schizophrenia can be genetic and since mental illness runs in his family, someone probably passed it onto him."

I know some of his family members have had mental illness, so that seems to make the most sense. I know he had at least one relative with schizophrenia, but I can't remember who it was. I think it was his aunt, but I'm not too sure.

"Whatever." Kendall whispers. "Let's just get to sleep."

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"He's been looking out the window all morning." James's therapist informs us, leading us into the TV room. Sure enough, our buddy is doing just what she said, all while seeming unaware of the world around him, a blank expression on his face. I don't know what we're gonna say to him without him panicking.

"How has he been doing?" Mrs. Diamond asks.

"Um, well, he doesn't talk much." Doctor Montez answers. "I had a session with him just thirty minutes ago and he just talked about what he sees and hears. He got a little anxious so we had to give him something for that, but I mean, I suppose he's doing as well as anyone else."

I frown as I look at our friend, my arms crossed over my chest. While everyone else is talking to his therapist, I'm busy trying to decide how to approach him. Since he's probably not interested in talking, I figure the best choice would be to silently walk over and just sit next to him, and let him talk when he's ready to talk.

I do just that, taking a seat next to him. I don't know what to think right now. James looks like he's in his own little world. It's not right1 I want him here with us, not in his own alternate reality. Doesn't he realize that the voices he hears and the things he sees and believes aren't real? Doesn't he understand that no one is gonna hurt him?

"Hey." I whisper, touching his shoulder. He flinches away, which hurts...a lot. I mean, he's never been scared of us before, especially not me. Normally, I'm the one he confides in the most. I don't know when and why that changed. Now he acts like he's terrified of anyone that approaches him.

"Come on, why can't I use my cell phone?" I look at the main desk, where some dark haired girl is arguing with one of the nurses. She looks like someone that the old James would have been in a hurry to hit on, but he isn't even looking at her. He's still looking out the window, as if he doesn't notice anyone's existence.

"Dominique, we don't let patients have cell phones!"

"Well, that's a load of BS, lady! BS, I tell you!"

Well, someone's feeling argumentative today. I wonder why she's here. I hear one other guy mutter something about her being a 'fire loving psychopath," which is pretty funny. Ah, so she must be addicted to fire. I would chuckle if my concern for James wasn't in the way. I can't help it, though. I'm scared for him, you know? I'm really, really scared for him.

"Okay, who wants to help me break out of here? Okay, dang! I was kidding!" Dominique walks past one of the guards, who was ready to handcuff her upon hearing her "suggestion." I can see that she's gonna be a very interesting person for these people to deal with.

"She's something else, isn't she?" I chuckle nervously, eyeing James carefully. He turns his head to look at me, but only for a brief moment before returning his eyes to the outside world. I know he doesn't like being here, but it's for his own good. I mean, he attacked Logan, then he tried to commit suicide. He needs to be hospitalized for a while.

"How's he doing?" Mom whispers to me.

"He's not talking." I say softly. Her eyes fill with sadness as she looks at James, clearly feeling the same way that we all do. We're all heartbroken and afraid, possibly hopeful. It's just...is there anything to be hopeful for? I hate to be pessimistic, but even I have days where I have doubt. Now is just one of those times.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

After about fifteen minutes, a nice nurse invites us to go to the cafeteria and get something to eat. I decide to just stay in the ward with James. He needs some company and I'm not hungry anyway. On another note, I convinced James to get away from window for a bit. Now we're watching TV together. Well, I'm watching the TV, but I think James is staring ahead at nothing.

"Jay, are you gonna talk to us?"

Silence.

"I know you're mad that we put you in here, but we did it because we care about you...and we want you to get better." I try to reason with him, but I don't think that's working out so well. The more I speak, the more angry he seems to get. I end up scooting to the other side of the couch without even thinking about it.

"You're lying." James says through his teeth.

"Why would I lie about that?" I ask him.

"You want to fool me into thinking you care so much, so I won't suspect anything and you can stab me in the back!" James yells, getting the attention of the nice nurses. I tear up as James continues screaming at me while the nurses desperately try to calm him down. Why is he yelling at me? I didn't even do anything wrong!

"James, maybe you need to go to your room for a while." One of the ladies says, leading him away. "I think you need some rest."

Well, this has been the visit from hell. Will anything ever change? I want my best friend back.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

God, I hate these rooms. They're all plain and boring. I'm secretly glad that I have a nurse sitting here with me because I couldn't stand being in here alone. My first night here was pure hell and I ended up sleeping on the couch in TV room. The only reason I slept at all was the sleeping pills I was given. If it weren't for that, the voices would have kept me awake.

_"Worthless."_

_"Loser."_

_"You don't deserve to live."_

"Hey, I'm gonna leave you alone for a minute, okay? I need to make sure the girls are doing alright." Shauna, one of several nurses, tells me. Anyway, the guys and girls are kept separated at night. There's a pair of double doors separating us, but those doors are left open during the day. It doesn't matter to me, though, because I don't plan on talking to anyone anyway.

Oh, and I hated yelling at Carlos today. I saw how hurt he looked and a small part of me felt bad, but I have to be careful about who I trust. That's understandable, right? I mean, I can't trust just anyone. I have use caution around people, especially with people after me. For all I know, my "friends" and family could be secretly teaming up against me.

Yeah, I definitely have to be careful about who I trust. I don't think I can trust anyone, really. All of the people that claim to care about me...I just know that they're lying to me. Maybe my whole life is a lie.

* * *

**Dominique's celeb lookalike is Victoria Justice:) Some more patients will be introduced in future chapters:D**

**Anyway, I'll be posting a new chapter of Just Call Me Daddy later, and a new chapter of Haunted tomorrow:D**

**Review! :D**


	6. Adjustment

**Now that I've posted this, I'm gonna write a new chapter of Haunted! :D**

* * *

"The new kid's cute, don't you think?"

"Yeah, but he's also insane."

"Dominique, you're the one that compulsively set your neighbor's house on fire!"

Any other time, I'd either hit on Dominique or tell her and her friends to shut up, but I'm in no mood for human interaction. I'm just laying on this comfy couch, wrapped up in a blanket, and staring at the images on the TV. The nurse brought me lunch from the cafeteria, but I refuse to touch it. I still think that people are trying to poison me. That's what the voices keep telling me and I always trust the voices. They tell me the truth.

"Interesting point. Now, can you shut up and lemme eat?"

Dominique is something else, really. She always argues with the staff, purposely tries to annoy the med nurse by begging for "the strong stuff," and she seems to be the leader of our ward. She's like the female Kendall Knight of the mental hospital. The only different is that she doesn't give a damn about giving pep talks.

"Yo, Em, are you gonna finish that?"

"Whatever." Emily says. From what I've heard, she's in here for Borderline Personality Disorder. Then there's another girl named Madilyn who's in here for Dissociative Identity Disorder. There's also a guy named Craig. He's being treated for Bipolar Disorder. God, I can't believe I'm living amongst these kind of people. Well, I plan on getting out of here within the next two months. I refuse to spend my life in a mental institution.

_"You'll be here forever."_

I whimper softly, clinging tightly to the blanket. F-forever? They can't keep in here forever, can they? Ugh, I'm losing it. I just wanna go home and spend time with my friends, if they still care enough to be my friends. I honestly feel like they dumped me here because they don't wanna deal with me anymore. Maybe I'm just a waste of space to them.

"He looks scared." Emily tells Dominique.

"I'll talk to him!" I hear Craig say. I glance up at him as he approaches, not sure if I trust him or not. What if he wants to hurt me? Everyone else does, so why not him? If everyone else is against me, why should I trust anyone? Very few people can be trusted. I've tried to trust people in the past few months, but I just can't do it.

"Hey, man!" He says, sitting across from me. I eye him apprehensively, squinting my eyes as the voices whisper to me. Voice #1 and Voice #2 just won't back off. They never do. They may quiet down for a couple of minutes, then they strike again without warning, telling me everything that's wrong with me and my pathetic life.

"You should probably try to eat." Craig told me. "You know, if you wanna get out of here sooner."

I reluctantly push the blanket off myself, slowly sitting up. Craig is holding the styrofoam box on his lap, probably waiting for me to respond. Sighing, I allow him to put the box/tray thing in my hands, along with a fork. I flinch at first, fearing that he might try to stab with it. I get the feeling that he's just like the others.

"There's nothing in it." He assures me. Carefully, I open the box to reveal a slice of cheese pizza and mashed potatoes.

_"Don't eat it!"_

_"Yeah, he poisoned it!"_

Finally, I shake my head and hand it back to him, watching as he places it on the coffee table. I just lay back down and pull the blanket back over me. I'm just about to fall asleep when the med nurse calls my name, informing me that it's time for my morning meds. The doctor put me on this antipsychotic medication called aripiprazole, the generic form of Abilify, which is stupid because I _am not _sick!

Trudging over to the nurse, I give her a flat look. She is way too nice for my liking. However, I do cooperate and rinse the medicine down with some water. Ugh, CAN I GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY?! I feel like I'm gonna throw the mother of all fits if I don't get out of here. Who can possibly be sane when they're surrounded by crazies?

I have community group in thirty minutes. Until then, I'm gonna watch random shows on the TV. I think my mom is bringing the guys over. Mama Knight is taking Katie to the River Walk for a mother/daughter day. I don't know when everyone else is so eager to visit. I mean, they think I'm crazy, so I don't see why they'd wanna hang out with a crazy person.

"You hear voices, right? Maybe they can be friends with Madilyn's."

I turn to face Dominique, glaring at her. How does she know about the voices? Is she reading my mind or something? When are people gonna leave me and my brain alone?

"Seriously, she is one crazy little bi-"

"You finish that sentence and I'll kill you!"

"Shut up!" Dominique yells back. I cringe at the sharpness of her voice, getting some water from the fountain. I hope that the staff don't have any matches or lighters around. If they do, they better not let this girl near them. Being a pyromaniac, I can imagine that her urge to start fires is too strong for her to resist.

"Anyway," She turns back to me. "Are you ever gonna talk? Because you've been here for almost three days and you haven't said a single word, except when you freaked out on your cute Latino friend."

I snort, walking past her. I don't plan on talking until I am allowed to get out of this hell hole. Besides, why do I need to talk to anyone? I have my voices that I can talk to. They provide me with plenty of social interaction. Of course, they're inside my head, but still. They can communicate and that's all that matters. As mean and annoying as they can be, they keep me from getting lonely.

"And are you planning laying around all day?" She questions as I return to my previous position on the couch. "That's not gonna help your recovery, you know."

"Don't care." I mumble, burying my face in the pillow. Finally, she leaves me alone, so I can rest in peace.

* * *

**Mrs. Diamond's POV**

"Has he made any new friends?" I ask hopefully, leading my son's friends/bandmates into the common room.

"Well, due to his paranoia, I think he's a little reluctant to befriend anyone, but we're working on it." Mariah, one of the nurses, tells me as we through some double doors. My baby is laying on the couch, still appearing to be in his own world. I have spent these past few days desperately trying to understand how this happened. I just don't understand how my son got schizophrenia.

"And I've encouraged other patients to reach out to him." Mariah says, motioning to four other patients sitting on the floor. One guy and three girls. The scary thing is that these girls are very pretty, but my son is making no effort to hit on them. Normally, I hated when James would try to flirt with random girls, but now I miss my "ladies man." He use to love flirting with girls, but now he doesn't even seem to care.

"Dominique, you do realize that his car just caught on fire, right?" The blonde points out. "Dominique" is laughing at some action movie and, sure enough, the car is on fire. Who laughs at something like that? I cannot believe that my son is living with people like this. Well, if it'll improve his mental health, I guess I'm all for it.

"Kids, what did I say about public displays of affection?" Mariah warned. Dominique was sitting between the guy's legs with her back against his chest, while he kept one arm around her. The Asian girl rolled her eyes, eating out of appears to be James's tray of food. Okay, I wanna know why my son didn't eat that food himself.

"I would never date this fool!" Dominique retorts. "I'm just using him as a pillow."

I see Mariah roll her eyes, leaving us with James. Hesitantly, I sit next to him, reaching out to stroke his hair.

"Whoa, who's the sexy thing in the hoodie?" Dominique questions. She must be referring to Logan. The poor kid looks quite disturbed by her comment. I really don't know what to think about her.

"Thank you, but I have a girlfriend." Logan responds.

"Jay, have you been feeling okay?" Kendall frowns, touching James's shoulder. My baby boy shrugs, sitting up. He doesn't really look like himself anymore. My son would be obsessing over his hair and clothes right now. Instead, he just threw on some sweatpants and a hoodie, and his glasses. He looks adorable, but there's not a single hint of joy in his eyes.

"Did they give you your meds?" I ask.

"Yeah." James whispers. I gently kiss his cheek, my heart breaking more when he makes no move to respond. This is killing me. It is totally killing me. I know he's still my James deep down, but I find that I can only hope that he'll come back to us. I'll love him no matter what, but it would be wonderful to see him be his old self again.

"That's good, baby." I say gently. "Just keep it up."

* * *

**Katie's POV**

_"Big Time Rush singer James Diamond has been admitted to a mental hospital after reportedly being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia."_

"Well, this sucks."

"Katie!"

"Sorry!" I say as Mom and I walk along the River Walk. James's meltdown has been all over the news ever since someone told the media. I wonder who's gonna be the one to tell James that the world now believes that he's completely insane! I don't think he's crazy, but most of America does! That probably won't help his mental health at all. I mean, he already thinks that people are out to get him, so I can only imagine what he'll think when he finds out that the public's accusing him of being crazy.

I mean, come on, Logan nearly got his ass kicked because he unintentionally implied that James was crazy. This whole situation is starting to freak me out. I'm only twelve (almost thirteen) for God's sake! My innocence flew out the window as soon as I went onto the roof and heard my brother reveal that James had tried to jump off the roof. In other words, I'm scarred for life.

"We just have to think positive." Mom tells me. "James is getting help and once his medication starts working in a few weeks, he should be on his way to living a normal life."

"Will he be able to continue Big Time Rush?"

"I actually talked to his mom about that and this is what she told me. As long as James takes his medicine and can function normally in everyday life, his doctor doesn't see why not." Mom states. "And maybe he can even raise awareness for schizophrenia! Kind of like Demi Lovato has done with eating disorders."

"Mom, how do you even know who Demi Lovato is?" I ask as we approach some tables. She gives me a sarcastic look, putting our shopping bags down. Hey, I didn't think old people knew about "young celebrities." I guess she's been keeping up with the times, though. Good for her, I guess.

"Shush up and eat your candy bar."

"Fine by me, mother." I mumble, unfolding said candy bar. "Fine by me."

* * *

**Celeb Lookalikes**

**Emily: Olivia Holt**

**Craig: Ross Lynch**

**Madilyn: Jamie Chung**

**Review! :D**


	7. Disturbed

"Don't you just love the smell of cigarette smoke in the afternoon?" Dominique says dreamily, flickering the lighter on and off. When Mariah, one of the nurses, sees her with the lighter, it's immediately removed from her hands. Me? I'm too busy inhaling and exhaling the smoke from my own cigarette. I hate this place, I hate "schizophrenia," and nicotine is the most relaxing thing I can get my hands on.

"Are you kidding me? It's gross." Emily pouts, cringing at the smell. I've been smoking for a few months now, so it doesn't really bother me. Emily, on the other hand, is a bit sensitive when it comes to discussions about drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. She apparently use to abuse the stuff frequently when her condition was at its worse, but now that she's getting better, it grosses her out. I can't say the same for myself. In fact, that stuff sounds downright appealing.

_"I wish you'd burn to death."_

Removing the cigarette from between my teeth, I begin to hold it to my arm. Maybe if I do enough damage, I'll die. I don't think a cigarette is enough to kill someone, but it'll at least cause some pain. I may not be able to kill myself, but maybe the voices will be satisfied if I hurt myself.

"James, honey, don't do that." Mariah says, taking the cigarette away from me.

_"Interfering bitch."_

_"You know, you are such a wimp for letting her tell you what you can and can't do."_

_"Worthless!"_

Burying my face in my arms, I breathe in and out. What's happening to me? Where did my sanity go? I'm not crazy, but I shouldn't be hearing these voices. They're so real! Why did they come to me? Why did they choose me to torture? I don't understand why they couldn't go after someone else.

"Guys, go back inside for a minute." Mariah tells the others.

"I'm not done, Mariah!" Dominique argues, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"Get your butt back inside or I'll have you put in isolation!"

"You wouldn't." It's almost funny how serious Dominique suddenly becomes. The look Mariah gives in response is even funnier, especially since it seems to aggravate Dominique so much. Once everyone has put out their cigarettes and went back inside, it's just me and Mariah. I anxiously fidget in my seat, really just wanting to go back inside with the others.

"What were the voices telling you?" Mariah asks gently, sitting across from me.

"They told me to burn myself to death." I murmur, looking at my lap.

"James," She starts. "Those voices are telling you things that aren't true. You should _never _try to harm yourself or anyone else."

I slowly lift my head to look at her, confused by what she's saying. Any normal person would probably understand completely, but I'm utterly baffled because the voices are always telling me that I should kill myself and everyone that's against me. They tell me that someone wants me dead. Mariah must be lying to me, right?

"Now, I think it's time for your afternoon meds." She says, leading me inside. Yeah, along with my antipsychotic medication, the doctor put me on an antidepressant called sertraline, generic form of Zoloft. I take Abilify in the morning and Zoloft in the afternoon, with Ambien (a sleeping medicine) before I go to bed. It's all a load of BS if you ask me.

"Stop pouting, Dominique!" She calls out as we approach the med table. I think Dominique is still mad because she couldn't have the lighter. Well, she wouldn't have gotten it taken away if she wasn't so obsessed with fire. Come to think of it, anyone that has a fascination with fire is clearly disturbed.

"He needs his Zoloft." She tells the med nurse, who goes to get my medication. While I wait, I find myself watching Dominique. As mental as she is, she's still hot. At the same time, however, I always have this urge to strangle her. It's like she manages to be both attractive and irritating all at once.

"You people need to get a better TV!" She complains.

"I normally wouldn't say anything, but Senorita Stupido is right." Madilyn nods. "This one is getting so old that it's ridiculous."

"Senorita Stupido?" Dominique whips around to face her. "Hey, soy del Este de Los Angeles! Ya sabes lo que pasa en el Este de Los Angeles? Te haré daño si dices una palabra más! ¿Se entiende?"

"Please ignore them, sweetie." Mariah says, patting my shoulder before walking off. Sighing, I get a glass of water, rinsing down my Zoloft and watching as Mariah tries to break up Dominique and Madilyn's argument. I may not love this place, but I do get plenty of entertainment during the day.

* * *

"You play guitar, huh?" Dominique asks while we're in recreational therapy. That's where we engage in therapeutic activities like music, arts and crafts, and whatnot. In the rec room, I found a really nice guitar and I've been playing random tunes for the past thirty minutes. I'm pretty amazed that I've been able to concentrate.

"Yep." I answer flatly, still strumming. I keep playing as she begins singing along, listening to her surprisingly decent voice. I'm playing one of Demi Lovato's songs, Really Don't Care. I don't know why. I guess I just really like that song. Dominique must be a fan too because she knows all the words.

_"Really? Her? Out of all people, you like her?"_

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. My voices say the stupidest things sometimes. I definitely do not like Dominique that way. Besides, she's bitchy, obnoxious, mean, rude, crazy, obsessed with fire...then again, she's also pretty, funny, smart, sarcastic, tough, and way cooler than the Jennifers. They're probably making fun of me as we speak.

"Hey, here's another one." She says before singing a few lines of "Had Me At Hello." I think that was from some Disney Channel movie. I only know that because I saw Katie watching it. James Diamond wouldn't be caught dead obsessing over anything Disney related. I'm too cool for that, but whatever.

"I almost got a record deal with Gustavo Rocque once." She points out. "Then I started a fire in his studio and he kicked me out."

"That makes sense." I murmur, strumming another tune. I don't think my mildly sarcastic comment bothered her at all. In fact, she seems to find it quite funny. Well, okay then. She probably knows that it's true. Gee, a pyromaniac got kicked out of Rocque Records for starting a fire? Oh, it can't possible be true! (sarcasm)

"Luckily, it was only a mild fire and his assistant was able to put it out without calling the fire department, but it still pissed him off." She chuckles. I raise my eyebrows at her, smirking as she starts singing Drake's "Take Care." Since I am a big fan of the song myself, I end up playing a tune to go along with her singing.

"How do you spell orange?" Emily frowns. We all look at her in bewilderment, both surprised and disturbed by her stupidity. If you looked up dumb blonde in the dictionary, Emily's picture would be there. I don't know how she even gets dressed in the morning. She can't even spell the president's name.

"Grab a dictionary and find out, nitwit." Madilyn snorts.

"Do you have to be such a jerk?" Craig questions, in which Madilyn smirks back at him. It's almost cute how Emily pouts and crosses her arms, thanking Craig when he spells out the word for her. Honestly, who doesn't know how to spell orange? Clearly, Emily doesn't. She doesn't know a lot of things. You know she forgot her therapist's name?

"I worry about her sometimes." Dominique takes the guitar from me, playing a tune of her own. I frown, pulling my knees to my chest while I listen to her music. I still stand by my hatred for this place, but I guess I kind of like the people here. Key word: kind of. I don't trust them, but they _act _nice. So far, no one's done anything to piss me off either.

"You hate the fact that you bought the dream and they sold you one." She sings. Inhaling, I look around the rec room, watching Mariah interact with some other patients. She's definitely my favorite nurse. The others are okay, but Mariah is the one who really takes care of us. She doesn't just try to be a good nurse, but she tries to be a friend too.

"Hey, James, can I ask a question?" Emily asks.

"What?" I mutter.

"Are your friends virgins?"

Simultaneous groans fill the room. Only Emily would question my friends and their...personal activities. I don't feel like talking to anyone about my friends and their...personal activities. Besides, if they find out I've talked about them behind their backs, they might try to kill me. If they don't do it themselves, they could hire a hit man to do it for them. I better be careful about what I tell people.

"Guys, I guess we better get back." Mariah announces, getting out of her seat. I can hear static inside my head and it's driving me up the wall, but I keep on walking in a daze. I find myself looking behind me every few seconds to make sure no one's following me, cringing as we approach the door to our unit. There are different buildings or "units" for different kinds of patients, depending on the severity of their illnesses. The unit I'm in? It's the worst one.

"We have group in ten minutes!" Another nurse says as we enter the common area. Well, that's fan-freaking-tastic. I hate going to group sessions because I _hate _being around so many people. If I could just be left alone, that would be great, but I can see that these jerks don't plan on giving me a break anytime soon.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"No!"

I frown as I sit up, looking at the clock on the beside table. It's shortly after midnight and I thought that everyone would be asleep. When I look over at Logan, I see that he's tossing and turning...and whimpering. He's definitely having a nightmare, one of many that he's had in the past couple of weeks.

I get up quietly, approaching his bed. Hesitantly, I sit on the mattress, reaching out to him.

"Shh." I whisper, pulling him into his arms. "It's okay."

I squeeze him tightly, cradling his quivering form. I know how much "the incident" scared him. Then there was the incident with James nearly attacking him, which I know must have been terrifying. Hey, we were all scared. James has never been known to be violent, so this was very unexpected.

"Kendall," Carlos groaned, waking up. "What's wrong with Logan?"

"A nightmare." I answer, giving Logan a tight squeeze. "Logie, what's wrong?"

"I-I-I h-had a dream about the guy wh-who attacked me." Logan cries. "He was p-punching me, kicking me, and when he threw me against the wall, h-he t-turned into J-James."

"It was like James was the one attacking you." I whisper, tears filling my eyes. I hate that Logan has to feel that way. I mean, having a dream that basically told him that James is just as bad as the man who assaulted him? That's absolutely awful. I don't really agree with the dream, though. I know that somewhere, deep down, James is still our buddy. Someone just has to bring him back.

* * *

**Translation**

_**Hey, soy del Este de LA! Ya sabes lo que pasa en el Este de LA? Te haré daño si dices una palabra más! ¿Se entiende? || Hey, I'm from East Los Angeles! You know what goes down in East Los Angeles? I will hurt you if you say one more word! Got that?**_

_****_**Review! :D**


	8. Unwelcome

**Mr. Diamond's POV**

The last time I saw my son was about...a year ago. His band had stopped in Minneapolis for their tour and he stopped by my house. Back then, he seemed fairly stable, so it surprised me terribly when my ex-wife called and told me that James had been involuntarily committed to a mental hospital in Texas. I mean, a mental hospital? That doesn't sound like my boy at all. Then I remember asking her what was wrong and she told me that he has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I...my mother had schizophrenia and so did my sister. Mental illness runs in our family.

**"Kendall Knight, Carlos Garcia, and Logan Mitchell were asked about their bandmate's mental breakdown as they emerged from the airport, but they declined to comment."**

I shake my head, turning the TV off. I grab a photo album off the coffee table. It's filled with pictures of James, all taken before the sudden decline in his mental stability. One of my personal favorites is a picture I printed off the internet. James was at a solo meet-and-greet with some fans and he was cheerfully talking to the cutest little girl. I've always thought that he'd be an amazing father someday, much better than I've ever been.

I just want my son back. I know Brooke does. I feel tempted to catch a plane out to Texas and visit him, but Brooke told me that he's not "all there" and very unstable. She also told me quite a bit about his condition, including the voices and hallucinations, and the fact that he thinks everyone is out to get him. I just can't believe that this is happening.

Brooke told me that James never smiles anymore and he barely talks. She said that there's no joy in his eyes either. I can't imagine that for some reason. I just remember James being a really happy kid who loved hair products and meeting cute girls. Now he's descending into insanity? It's a hard thing for a parent to deal with, even an estranged parent. I may not have a close relationship with my son, but I care about him whether anyone believes me or not.

Riiiiing!

"Hello?" I close the photo album, waiting for Brooke to respond.

"Samuel! I...I just wanted to ask you if you could make it out here." She finally asks. "I think it'd be good for James to have both of his parents around while he's going through this."

"Um, yeah! Sure, I can be there!"

"What about work?"

"I can get time off!" I answer, fidgeting. What Brooke doesn't know is that I was actually fired last week after I got into a fight with one of my coworkers. Luckily, the guy agreed not to press charges, but only because he was the one that threw the first bunch. He didn't tell my boss that, but I'm just glad that I don't have to go to court.

"Then I would love for you to come down to see your son."

"I'll be there." I reply before hanging up. Grabbing my jacket and car keys, I turn the TV and lights off, then head out to buy myself a plane ticket out to San Antonio, Texas. I _will _be there for my boy. He needs me and I refuse to give up on him.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

I've got the worst headache. Everyone is talking at once and it's making my head hurt. The voices are talking over a bunch of static inside my head and that only makes my suffering worse. I'm trying to block it all out by curling under a blanket on the couch, but that's not even doing much to help me. Seriously, these people need to shut up!

"Honey, I need to tell you something." Mom says, putting her hand on my shoulder. I pull the covers off my head, carefully looking at her. She looks apologetic and I have no idea why. Did she find out something important? Something that could save my life? I sure hope so! I need to feel safe. I NEED it!

"I called your dad." She states. "He's coming to visit for a while."

My eyes widen with horror and I jump off the couch. She invited my father? I have no interest in seeing him anytime soon! The last time I saw him was last year and we haven't spoken ever since. Doesn't she see that I don't want him around? He hurt me, he hurt her, and I just know that he probably wants to hurt us again.

"You did what?!" I yell.

"Baby, he wants to be there for you!"

"Right, but only because he thinks I'm ****ing insane!" I scream at her. "He ruined our family and you don't even care! Just admit it! You don't care about me! You never have and you never will!"

I keep yelling at her as two nurses, Mariah and Jason, grab me and pull me away from her. Jason finally lets go, allowing Mariah to lead me into another room. I beg her to leave me alone and she gives me an sympathetic look, shutting the door. Yelling, I throw a chair across the room before sinking to the floor in a fit of tears. I hate my mother for going behind my back. I hate my father for abandoning us. I need to face it now. No one will ever love me.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

I think it was terrible that James got violent with Logan, but I can't say that I'm angry at him. I mean, it was his schizophrenia talking. That's not who James really is. I know James Diamond and he's not a violent person. The James I know wouldn't hurt a fly. He can be scary when he needs to be, but I know he'd never intentionally hurt a friend. I wouldn't say this to Logan's face because I know how upset he is.

"I'm glad you guys are back." I whisper, kissing his cheek. We're having a Saturday night cuddle session in my room, despite my dad's wishes. He's out of town for the weekend, though, so he'll never find out. When he's out of town on a business trip, I break most of his rules regarding my boyfriend.

"Yeah? Well, you have no idea how much I hated visiting that hospital." He murmurs. I sigh as I think about James being in a mental institution. I've heard that he might be there for two or three months, which sucks for him and for those around him. At least those that care, like me for example. James is one of my best friends and I hate the thought of him being held in four walls against his will.

"I can imagine."

"James lives in his own world now." Logan tells me. "He sees and hears things that no one else does. And the things he believes...just don't make sense. I mean, he thinks that the guys and I, his friends, are secretly planning to hire a hit man to kill him. He has to be force fed since he refuses to eat because he thinks people are poisoning his food."

I frown and look at his handsome face, touching his cheek. I feel just as bad as he does. The thought of James believing that the people who care the most want to hurt him...well, it hurts. I know for a fact that his friends and family adore him. We would never do anything to hurt him. I don't understand why he thinks otherwise..

Riiiing!

"Ugh..." Logan groans, answering his phone. "What, Carlos? What do you mean? What's wrong with him? Ugh, seriously? What is his dad doing there? Unbelievable! Okay, thanks for telling me. Bye!"

"What's wrong?" I ask worriedly.

"James's mom apparently invited his dad to fly out to Texas to be with them." Logan replies. "James isn't too happy about that. His mom said that he's been sitting in his room, staring at the wall all afternoon."

I bury my face in his shoulder, my heart shattering. I don't know a whole lot about James's personal life, but he once told me about his parents. He said that his dad left when he was three, leaving him and his mom to fend for themselves. His dad only bothered to contact them shortly before James and the guys came to LA. How could his mom invite that man without taking his feelings into consideration?

"You know, I just signed onto a movie that's gonna film in Texas this summer." I murmur. "Do you think I could visit him?"

"I suppose you could." Logan says, kissing my forehead. "Just be careful, okay? He's really sensitive and you have to be really careful about what you say and do around him. He's...he's fragile, you know?"

I nod, snuggling closer to him. I'll be sure to take his advice when I fly out to Texas. I just want to see my friend. Schizophrenic or not, he's still one of my best friends. I refuse to abandon him, especially while he's going through this.

* * *

**Jo's POV**

_"James, be careful!" _

_"Hey, I got this!" _

_"But-"_

_"Shush, Logan!"_

I stand behind the couch and watch Kendall and Katie watch old home videos with Mama Knight and Carlos. This one appears to have been filmed at a rock climbing place. James looks so different in the video compared to real life. He looks so happy and carefree, and it's terribly hard to watch this while he's in a mental hospital.

In the video, James has a genuine smile on his face. What happened to that smile? I'm not as close to him as the guys, Camille, and Lucy are, but I do consider him to be a friend. I've noticed a change in him too. Every time I'd see him in the lobby, he didn't look the same. He always appeared to be deep in thought and there were times where he would talk and...he just didn't make sense. I think I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't figure out _exactly _what was wrong.

"I don't know why his mom invited his dad." Kendall says bitterly. I inhale as I sit next to him, resting my head on his shoulder. I choke on laughter as I look at the screen, watching James fall on his behind. In the video, Carlos teases James, earning a middle finger from James in response. Almost immediately afterwards, James bursts into laughter.

"I can't believe that was him just last year." Katie says softly.

"Well, schizophrenia doesn't usually develop until the late teens or early twenties." Mama Knight explains. I don't know what to say right now. I wanna tell them that it'll be okay, but I can't bring myself to make any promises. Is there any guarantee that anything will be okay? No! So why make a promise that I can't keep?

"Mama Knight, you're gonna keep calling to check up on him, right?" Carlos questions.

"Of course, baby." Mama Knight responds. "And I told Brooke about how we feel about James's father showing up. I told her that I think it's a bad idea, considering his fragile state of mind. I don't think she's gonna listen to me, but at least she knows how we feel."

"Um, I better head back to my apartment." I whisper, starting to get up. But Kendall grabs my hand and stops me from walking to the door.

"You sure you can't stay a while?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." I nod, kissing his cheek before exiting. There's something that not even Kendall knows about me. Before I came to LA, I was in a mental facility myself. I was being treated for the same illness that James is fighting: paranoid schizophrenia. Sure, I take medication and I live a fairly normal life, but it's never easy. For a while, I had been able to put the past behind me, but now James is fighting the illness and terrible memories are flooding back.

Once I'm in my apartment, _alone_, I walk to the kitchen and grab my medication. I take one pill every night, to keep the hallucinations and delusions at bay. When I first met Kendall, I told him that I had a boyfriend name Travis. He knows that I was lying, but he's not aware that Travis was another one of my hallucinations. As much as I wish I could tell the truth, I can't. There's way too much going on right now. I couldn't stand to make things any worse.

* * *

**I thought it would be interesting for Jo to have had the same illness as James:) James can't be the only one with problems!**

**Review! :D**


	9. Distrust

I have decided that I officially have a death wish. My father, whom I can't stand, is gonna show up today and I'm gonna have to sit here and listen to his BS. I'm so worked up about the whole thing that I haven't even felt like getting up today. I had to leave my room but only because one of the nurses forced me to. I tried arguing with her, but she wouldn't listen to me. Stupid nurses, always telling me what to do.

"So your dad's coming, huh?" Dominique is sitting next to me for whatever reason. These days, she's the only one that I really trust. It's gotten to the point where I feel the need to protect her. The voices have been telling me that someone's gonna try to hurt her and it's my job to protect her. If I could only protect myself from my "father."

"Yep." I murmur, staring at the wall. Silence follows and we just sit on the couch. I wonder when Mom and my dad are gonna get here. This morning, I was told that he had landed in San Antonio and was gonna get settled into his hotel room before he and Mom come over. God, I dread this visit. I really, really, really dread it.

"I don't talk to my parents."

"Why?" I question.

"My dad is a workaholic, my mom is a drug loving skank, and I can't stand them." Dominique responds. "I plan on going to live with my aunt once I get out of here. I'll probably move to LA once I'm done with high school. Might go to college or something."

I nod slowly, inhaling. I couldn't see myself going to college, just because I'd probably spend more time messing around than studying. If I have to be honest, I can't really see Dominique as the college type either, but maybe she could do it. I mean, she's not stupid by any means. She's rude, obnoxious, and irritating, but she's pretty smart too. She's like a mixture of Kendall and Logan with a hint of Carlos.

"Don't burn down the campus." I warn, absolutely no humor in my voice.

"Don't listen to the voices when they tell you to jump off buildings!" Dominique retorts. I clench my jaw, burying my head in my knees. She always has a comeback for everything. Gosh, she can be so annoying. Like I need someone reminding me about the stupid things my voices tell me, like burning myself or jumping to my death.

"Dominique, it's time for your meds!" Mariah calls out. Groaning, Dominique gets up and walks over to the med nurse, complaining about having to get up. Oh, she's lazy too. You practically have to drag her to therapy sessions everyday because she doesn't wanna get off the couch. Her morning routine consists of eating, watching TV, napping, fooling around with her friends, and being dragged to therapy. I would laugh, but I'm not really in a laughing mood.

**"In other news, a source has revealed that Big Time Rush singer James Diamond is being treated for paranoid schizophrenia at a unknown mental health facility after suffering a sudden mental breakdown. According to the source, his condition was discovered following a suicide attempt. Now fans are questioning when the eighteen year old singer will make a big time comeback or if he'll ever make one at all!"**

I glare at the screen. If? No, there is no "if." I'll make a comeback by the end of the year. In a couple of months, I'll be out of the mental hospital and back in Los Angeles where I belong. If anyone thinks that I'm gonna sit in the loony bin and let my career go, they're very mistaken. Nope, it's not gonna happen.

"Hi, Mrs. Diamond!"

Oh no...

"James is right over there."

Are you kidding me?!

_"He doesn't care about you."_

_"He's gonna end up leaving again."_

_"Ha! I can't believe anyone thought medication would make us go away."_

"James? Honey, your dad and I are here."

I look up at Mom, then I look at my dad. He looks so awkward that it's almost funny. He doesn't even know what to say. Good! I don't want him to say anything. I want him to get out of here and go back to Minneapolis. Instead of saying that, however, I just continue staring at the wall ahead. I don't even respond when Mom strokes my hair.

"It's...um, it's great to see you again." Samuel finally says.

"Yeah, I'm sure you love seeing me in a mental hospital." I answer, my voice shaking.

"That's not what I meant-"

"I need to be alone." I whisper, getting up and walking past them. I go through some double doors to the other side of the common room, sitting in the corner. I don't know why I always feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I constantly feel like I'm on the edge of complete insanity.

"Shhh..."

I end up bursting into tears as I bury my face in Dominique's chest, letting her rub my back and shoulders. If anyone else touched me, I'd freak out. With her, I feel strangely comfortable. It's like she's my only loyal friend in a sea of traitors and backstabbers. She'll protect me and I can protect her. It's as simple as that.

"Miss, could we speak with our son?" Dad asks.

"Back off, old man!" Dominique snaps. Okay, that's kind of disrespectful, but I'm actually grateful and even a bit amused. Only Dominique would call an adult an "old man" to his face. She doesn't seem to have much respect for authority. Some think that she might have Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but I kind of doubt that. She probably only resents most authority figures because the ones she has met have treated her like dirt.

"Dominique, just let Mr. Diamond talk to his son!" Mariah scolds. Dominique huffs, giving my dad a dirty look as she walks past him. My dad starts to reach out to me, but Mom grabs his hand and whispers something in his ear. She better not let him touch me. Hell, I don't even want him talking to me, but I can see that I won't be getting my way about that.

"Mom, please just make him leave." I whisper desperately. She sighs softly.

"Okay, maybe you might wanna talk to him later." She tells me. "Is that alright, Samuel?"

"Yeah, sure." Dad nods. "We can talk whenever you're ready, bud."

My body's still shaking as my parents leave. I don't know where Mom got the idea that I'd be okay with her inviting him here. The fact that he might be staying for my entire hospital stay is even worse. Him being here will only make these next two or three months worse. The worst part is that my own mom doesn't even seem to care.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Carlos? Whatcha doing?" For whatever reason, Carlos has a bunch of scrapbook supplies that I was not aware that he had purchased.

"I'm making a scrapbook for James." He answers. "I got a bunch of pictures of him before he got sick and I'm gonna give it to him when he gets better."

I smile softly, looking over his shoulder. I watch as he glues a picture to the page, carefully looking at it. This one was taken when we took Lucy to the hockey rink last year. He had decided to grab her in a bear hug against her will, while Logan snapped a picture. Lucy smiled for the picture, but it's not hard to see that she was irritated about being grabbed out of nowhere. Anyway, it's a nice picture to look at her, especially since James actually had a smile on his face.

"My mom wants to take us back out there when school's over for the summer." I remind him. "You can give it to him then."

I sit next to him and watch as he grabs another photograph, gluing another picture to the page. Aww, this is one of James at a party just a few months ago. He's smiling in this one too, but it's not hard to see that something is different. Unlike the previous photograph, his smile here isn't genuine. It looks more forced. It's scary realizing how much worse he has gotten.

"He's all over the news." Logan says, turning the TV off. "I don't know why the stupid media won't let him recover in peace."

Carlos and I don't say a single word in response. What is there to say? James is battling mental illness and the media only wants a good story. Well, have they ever thought that it's not so good for the people involved? James is the one on the brink of insanity and these trashy media people don't even care. They just want to report on his illness to entertain their viewers.

"It shouldn't be on the news." Carlos finally says.

"Yeah, I know." I agree, picking up one of the photographs. This one was taken by James's mom during our summer tour. We were in our black and red "Love Me Love Me" outfits. I'll never forget how she was standing in the front row, screaming "THAT'S MY BABY!" Poor James was so embarrassed.

"We just have to get through the rest of the school year." Logan takes a deep breath. "Then we can see him again."

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

"Maybe you should talk to him." Craig suggests. "I mean, he came down here to see you."

"Yeah, I have to agree with him." Madilyn states. "You should talk to him."

I don't know why they're telling me what I should do. What I choose to do is my business and only mine. My dad left my mom and I when I was three years old, so I don't see how he deserves to have any right to talk to me. I met with him once last year and it was awkward and weird. I just don't feel comfortable dealing with him right now.

"His dad's a jerk." Dominique grumbles, grabbing a puzzle piece. "I mean, I can see why he wouldn't wanna talk to the guy. My mom's a drug addict and I can't stand the woman."

"Yeah, go write that in your diary." Madilyn snorts. Suddenly, Dominique grabs the front of her shirt with both hands, eyes darkening. Wow, she can be scary. Nowhere near as frightening as the stuff I hallucinate on a regular basis, but still pretty intimidating. I wish we were allowed to be roommates because I feel a lot safer with her around.

"I _don't _write in diaries like a whiny teen girl, got that?"

"Um, you are a teen girl." Emily reminds her. Dominique smirks, releasing Madilyn. She returns to her seat, offering a Lays potato chip to me. I reluctantly accept a chip, deciding to trust that she didn't poison them. I won't accept food from anyone else, though. They all wanna kill me and I can't let them have their way.

"Just stick with me." She whispers in my ear. "I won't let him mess with you."

* * *

**Less than two weeks until I meet BTR! *happy dance***

***clears throat* Okay, I'm gonna write a new chapter of Haunted and post that for you guys later today:)**

**Review! :D**


	10. Confession

"Your skin is really soft." Dominique says, rubbing her thumbs over the back of my hand. There's one thing I don't understand about this girl. She acts all tough around others, but she softens quite a bit when it's just the two of us. Everyone else went to breakfast, so it's just us, and Dominique seems nothing like she usually does. I don't understand this, you know? Is that bad girl persona just a facade? A cover up?

"Okay, seriously, why don't you talk more?" She finally asks. "You say maybe one or two words every day. I'd like to know why."

I shrug in response, holding my head with my free hand. I watch as she rolls up the sleeve of my hoodie, looking at the many scars. Then she pulls up her own sleeve, revealing some old burns littering her skin. I look at her with confusion, curious as to why she has those burns. I hope she plans on explaining.

_"Great, a worthless peace of trash just like you."_

_"I hope someone kills you both!"_

_"Die!"_

_"Kill yourself NOW!"_

I squeeze my eyes shut in hopes of the voices going away, but they never do. When I open my eyes and look around the common area, I can see ghosts in every corner. What do they want with me? Why are they here? Okay, I need to stay calm. I can't have another psychotic episode unless I wanna end up being put in isolation, which I don't.

"I use to take a lighter and hold it to my skin." Dominique informs me, pulling her sleeve down. I frown, taking a deep breath. The hallucinations aren't going away and it's scaring me. I'm only managing to stay so calm because Dominique is now holding my hand. If I didn't have her around, I would be a bigger mess than I already am. It's good to have someone that actually cares about me.

Suddenly, I gasp, seeing a snake slithering across the table. I start to panic until Dominique grabs my face and strokes my cheeks, assuring me that what I'm seeing is just a hallucination. After a few more seconds, the snake disappears. My therapist told me that it would take six to eight weeks for my medication to take full effect, which is why I'm still having problems.

"When I get out of here, I'm getting a tattoo." She tells me. "I was thinking about getting a little dreamcatcher on my wrist. After all, dreamcatchers keep the bad dreams away and let the good ones in."

Kendall got a tattoo for his eighteenth birthday. He got a peace sign in the middle of his upper back. I don't know if I could see myself getting a tattoo. I might, but I haven't thought much about it. Then again, I haven't really been able to think about anything except the fact that someone is spying on me and wants to kill me.

"CRAIG, GET BACK HERE!"

I jump when the other patients return, surprised by Madilyn's angry ranting. For whatever reason, Craig is laughing his butt off and Madilyn's hair is tainted with spaghetti. Wow...I almost wanna laugh at this. Madilyn looks like she's ready to strangle Craig. Emily looks downright terrified. Dominique is stifling laughter. I'm just ready to lay down for an afternoon nap.

"What did he do?" Dominique snorts.

"I was eating and next thing I know, this nutjob is walking by and he trips, pouring his food all over me!" Madilyn snaps, smacking the back of Craig's head. Instead of sitting here, I get up and walk over to the couch, laying down with a warm blanket pulled over me. I know some people think I'm antisocial, but I don't care to be around so many people at once. I use to love attention, but now it just makes me uncomfortable.

"James, your mom called this morning." Mariah informs me. "She wants to know if you're ready to talk to your dad."

I only shake my head, mumbling a quiet "no." Because I'm not. I'm not ready to talk to him. I have no real relationship with him since he left when I was still a kid. I've come to realize that he doesn't really care about me. If he did, why did he wait until I was institutionalized to show any interest in seeing me? That one visit last year doesn't count in my opinion.

"Well, your mom's gonna stop by, okay?"

"Fine." I whisper, closing my eyes. I just need to try and get some sleep. Maybe I'll feel a little better when I wake up.

* * *

**Ms. Diamond's POV**

"Brooke, why can't I see my son?" Samuel asks as we sit in the hospital lobby.

"Look," I start. "James is really fragile right now. The smallest things can set him off, so we have to be really careful."

"If you knew that, why did you bother inviting me down here?" I can sense the frustration in his voice. If I were him, I would be frustrated too. I understand why James doesn't wanna talk to him, though. It's not like Samuel has been there for us. He has never been the father that he should have been. I guess I've forgiven him, though. I can't say the same for James. I think he still has a lot of pent up resentment toward his dad.

"Because...because I think that he needs both of us now more than ever, regardless of whether he agrees or not. In time, as he becomes more stable, I think that you have a chance at repairing your relationship with him." I explain. "I want nothing more than for him to have a father figure in his life, no matter how old he is."

"Mrs. Diamond, I'm gonna take you down to see James now." A friendly nurse states. I glance back at my ex-husband before following the young lady out to the correct unit. Every time I come here, I feel shocked because I just can't see my precious boy being kept in such a place. Luckily, he'll probably be let out in a few weeks. I can't wait until he's released, so he can be at home with his family and friends.

"Has he been doing okay?" I ask worriedly.

"He's doing as good as he can." She replies. "He still has a hard time opening up to people and he still struggles with hallucinations and delusions, but he's not doing so bad."

I timidly follow her into the unit, immediately noticing James laying on the couch. Is that all he does around here? Does he just lay around and do nothing? I just think that he'd be a lot better off if he was more active. If he did some physical activity, it might do him a lot of good. I guess I shouldn't say anything, though. The last thing I wanna do is upset him while he's trying to recover.

"Jay, it's Mom." I kneel beside the couch, touching his cheek.

"Hey." James murmurs, sitting up. I smile softly and sit beside him, watching him carefully. My smile fades when I notice how tired he looks. He mustn't have gotten a whole lot of sleep last night. As adorable as he is, he looks terrible. I still have a hard time accepting that this stranger is my son, the sweet boy that I gave birth to eighteen years ago.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired." He admits, resting his head on my shoulder. Inhaling, I kiss his forehead, taking his hand in mine. Someone turned MTV on and the channel is playing BTR's Music Sounds Better With U video. I remember feeling so proud when that video premiered. I felt so much pride and joy as I watched my son sing, dance, and smile away. I can only pray that I'll get to see that happier side of him again.

"You didn't bring dad, did you?" He asks. It's not hard to recognize the bitterness in his voice. I wanna stick up for Samuel, but I can't let my mentally ill son feel any worse. I mean, I'm right to keep my thoughts to myself, aren't I? At the same time, however, I just feel like it's time for him and his dad to make amends. I guess you can't force these things, though.

"Well, he's waiting out in the lobby."

"Good." James grumbles. We sit quietly for a while, not saying a single word. I find myself looking at the other patients, specifically the four "friends" that my son has made. His therapist has told me enough about them since I'm his mom and I prefer to know the kind of people that my son is spending time with. I don't know how I feel about his new friends, but I guess it's good that he has someone he can relate to.

"Well, I finally got the spaghetti out of my hair!" The little Asian girl growls, shooting a dirty look at the blonde haired boy. These kids are, um, very unusual. I'd say the most normal one would be...Dominique. I even have my doubts about her, though. She's the one that I feel most uncomfortable with, considering that she has an addiction to fire. What if she visited the Palm Woods or my house and she caught something on fire?

"Actually, I think you looked better with marinara sauce in your hair." Dominique says, approaching us. The girl glares at her, clearly not in the mood to be teased. I would ask why she had to wash spaghetti out of her hair, but I'm gonna do the polite thing and keep my questions to myself.

"I'm gonna use you as a foot rest." Dominique whispers to James, laying down and laying her feet on his lap. I am surprised at how James doesn't flinch away from her. If anyone else touches him, he gets nervous. What is it about this girl that calms him so much? I didn't even think he trusted her that much at first.

"James, it looks like you have another visitor!" Mariah says cheerfully. We look over the nurses station and see Jo Taylor standing there. As soon as the blonde haired boy, whom I believe is named Craig, sees her, he gasps dramatically. Hmm, he's obviously a New Town High fan. I personally don't think the show's anything special.

"Hi!" Jo says cheerfully. "Could I speak with James alone for a bit?"

"Please marry me." Craig says dreamily.

"I have a boyfriend." Jo says, waving for us to leave. Getting up, I place a quick kiss on James's cheek, following his fellow patients to the other part of the common area.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

"You're probably wondering why I'm here, right?" Jo asks, sitting beside me.

"Well...yeah." I hesitate. Why is Kendall's girlfriend visiting me? I thought she'd be too busy with her work to visit me, so I'm really confused by her presence. Is she here to tell me something important? For example, maybe she's here to tell me that her dad and his CIA buddies are coming after me? It's a possibility!

"Since you're in this situation, I figured that it would be the right time to tell you something I've never told anyone else." She explains. "Remember when I lied and told Kendall I had a boyfriend named Travis? Well, Travis wasn't my imaginary boyfriend. He was one of the voices in my head. When I came to LA, I had recently left a mental hospital in North Carolina, where I was being treated...for Paranoid Schizophrenia."

That confession causes me to start coughing uncontrollably. What? There's no way that Jo Taylor, America's Sweetheart, is schizophrenic. I mean, she's more normal than anyone else at the Palm Woods! I can't say that I see her as being completely innocent, but she has never seemed crazy in the time that I've known her.

"I promise I'm not joking." She tells me. "I take medication to keep it under control. I've been able to leave a fairly normal life because of that. I hope you know that you can be the same way, no matter what condition you have."

I look at her apprehensively, filled with self doubt. I honestly don't know what to think. I feel like my whole life, everything I've ever known, has been a lie. Is there anything else that I don't know?

* * *

**Well, Jo told James the truth! When will she tell Kendall and her other friends? :O**

**I'll try to post another chapter later:D**

**Review! :D**


	11. Hope

**Gustavo's POV**

I've never really doubted my own sanity before because, you know, I'm the amazing Gustavo Rocque, but I was a little concerned when I found out that one of my dogs was sent to a mental institution. I wondered if I was dreaming and that James was still mentally competent. Apparently not! It has been almost two weeks since he entered treatment and I haven't been able to do anything with the boys because only three of them are available. It's really aggravating me!

When Kendall told me that James has schizophrenia, I was terrified, which is unusual for me. I'm not usually scared of anything except getting fired. I was terrified because I've read about schizophrenia before and, well, it's a tough mental illness to deal with. How did James even end up with it in the first place? His mom said it's genetic, but I'm still confused. Yes, Gustavo Rocque is confused. DEAL WITH IT!

I'm all alone at the studio today. Kelly is out of town for her cousin's wedding, so...yeah. Rocque Records is ridiculous quiet without the dogs running around and destroying everything. I actually miss it. Well, kind of. Hey, I still find those boys incredibly annoying, but I...I do like them.

It's not just James's situation that bothers me. I'm still shocked about what happened to Logan. I had asked him to come in and record some vocals for a new song, then he ended up walking home. I got a call a few hours later from Kendall, saying that something happened to Logan and that they were taking him to the hospital. They still haven't caught the man that assaulted him.

As I leave my office, I find myself looking at a Big Time Rush poster on the wall. It's a picture from a recent photo shoot for their third album. I was so proud of the boys that I had the cover turned into a poster. I may scream at them a lot, but I secretly adore those little monsters. Don't _ever_ tell anyone I said that.

Next to their poster is one of another artist I worked with, Dominique Santiago. Griffin liked her so he had one of her photos made into this poster. I can't stand the little devil child. She started a fire and nearly burnt the studio down. I don't plan on forgiving her for that either.

I breathe in an attempt to relax, but it's completely useless. I am far from relaxed right now. In fact, I feel like breaking something, preferably someone's _face_. I mean, how did everything get so messed up in such a short amount of time? Just two weeks ago, everyone was fine, then Logan got beaten up and James had a mental breakdown. All these changes are freaking me out!

"Gustavo, I need money!"

Well, at least Katie is here to keep me company. She's only here for money, but still, she's here. She'll have to do.

"Katie!" I say with a little too much enthusiasm.

"Lemme guess." Katie breathes out. "You're lonely?"

"Yes! And it's driving me crazy!" I drop to my knees in front of her.

"As if you weren't already crazy?"

I growl at her, making sure I look threatening enough. I don't know why everyone insists that I'm "crazy." Am I the one locked up in a mental institution? No! I mean, I'm not saying James is crazy, but I've never been institutionalized once in my life, so I'm certainly not crazy. I may have anger management problems, but I am very mentally stable.

"Come on, you can't deny that you're a little bit-"

"Shush!"

"Okay, dang!" Katie answers defensively. "Now seriously, I need money."

"What happened to working for your money?" I reach into my wallet, handing her a twenty.

"I'm twelve, dude."

Oh, like that's an excuse. More importantly, I need to get a plane ticket to San Antonio. I haven't visited James once since he had his breakdown and the guilt has been plaguing me for days. It adds pressure and anyone that knows me knows that I don't do well under pressure. Anyway, I wanna make sure that the monkey dog is alright.

"Whatever! I have bigger problems!" I snap, grabbing a magazine off a hallway table. I show her the latest issue of US Weekly, one of many gossip magazines where James's mental breakdown has become front page news. I've had reporters calling me up nearly everyday and asking me to comment, but I don't because I actually respect James's privacy!

"Yeeeaaahhh..." Katie sounds terribly awkward. "I was looking at Pop Tiger's website and people are also saying that James attacked Logan. Um, people sort of hate him because of that. I also ran into Griffin at Starbucks and he told me that BTR's album sales are way down this week. It sounds like you've got quite a scandal on your hands."

That's when I let out the loudest scream I've ever emitted, throwing myself on the floor. Great, this is just great. James has a mental condition that isn't his fault, people are claiming that he assaulted Logan, and BTR's reputation is ruined. I don't even know how I'm gonna fix this. I need Ibuprofen ASAP.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Jay, are you gonna tell me why Jo flew out there?" I ask James over the phone. "Because _she _told me that she just wanted to visit you, but I think she's lying."

"Why does it even matter? She has just as much of a right to talk to me as you do!" James replies angrily. I flinch at the venom in his voice, but refusing to cry. He seems to resent all of us these days. I don't think I've seen or heard one kind thing from him in weeks. I know that our James is still there, but he hasn't been seen in a while.

"Why can't you just tell me the truth?" I ask desperately. When Jo texted me and said that she had gotten a plane out to San Antonio, I was so confused. I didn't know that she planned on visiting him. She hadn't told me that she was going anywhere. When she got back, I asked her why she went and I could tell that she wasn't telling the whole truth. Either she needs to talk or James does.

"Because it's not my place to say anything." James whispers. Then he talks quietly to someone else, probably a girl. I wait patiently for him to return his attention to our conversation.

"Jay, did she tell you something important?" I frown.

"Kendall, it's her business." He answers. "She'll tell when she's ready."

"James-"

"Bye." Then the line goes dead. I bury my face in my arms, groaning. This has been the most frustrating, stressful two weeks of my life. I'm normally a pretty calm guy, but this is too much even for me. Not only do I have two friends to support (James and Logan), but their recent troubles are Hollywood's hottest new topic. The worst part is that someone told the media that James beat Logan (untrue) and now people hate him. He only pushed Logan against the wall and he shouldn't be criticized, since his mental illness caused him to do it.

"Kendall, when are we going back to Rocque Records?" Carlos asks tiredly, sitting beside me.

"Well, it's hard to work on an album when one of the band members is in a mental hospital." I state. "We probably won't be back in the studio for a while. At least not until James is deemed mentally capable of working."

I can tell that Carlos is disappointed. I mean, I am too. I love going to the studio and working on new music for Big Time Rush, but we can't record an album with one of the band members missing. The album has been put on hold until James gets better and I unfortunately don't know when that'll be. Even when James is released, he'll probably take some time off from work to focus on recovering.

"Hey!" Jo says cheerfully, walking into the apartment. "Ready for our date?"

"Um, yeah!" I say, getting out of my seat. "Just let me get my jacket."

I walk to mine and Logan's bedroom, grabbing my South Pole jacket. Logan must be chatting with Camille over Facebook. He's been spending more time with her than ever since James was committed. He has never been one to get caught up in romance, but lately it seems like he wants to spend more time with his girlfriend than his friends.

"I'm going out with Jo for a bit, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." Logan says nonchalantly. Sighing, I turn around and leave the room, taking Jo's hand and leading her out of the apartment. I need to find out why she went to Texas the other day. I know she didn't go out there "just to visit him." Every time I try to talk about it, she also gets really nervous, so I know there was something more to the visit.

"So-hey, what are you doing?" Jo protests as I pull her into a closet.

"Why did you go to Texas? And don't you dare tell me you were just visiting James." I point a finger at her, standing in front of the door so she can't escape. I watch as she heaves a sigh, reaching into her purse and showing me a pill bottle. Abilify? Why does she have Abilify? That's the same medicine that James is taking.

"When I came to LA, I had just been released from a mental hospital." She confesses. "I was being treated for schizophrenia, just like James. Does that satisfy you?"

My eyes soften and fill with tears. Jo...my Jo has the same condition that James is struggling with. I couldn't tell because she seems so...so normal. I'm sad that she has to deal with this, but I'm feeling positive at the same time. If Jo has schizophrenia and she has behaved so normally, then maybe there's hope for James.

"W-why did y-you end up in the hospital?" I stutter.

"I cut my wrists one day after school. My dad walked into the bathroom and found me lying on the floor, nearly bleeding to death." She says calmly. "I did it because the voices kept telling me to. I remember hearing voices, seeing ghosts, and suspecting that the government was spying on me. It nearly drove me insane."

I immediately pull her into a hug, holding her close.

"I wanted to visit James because I know what it's like. I've been in that same situation, always being afraid of everything, thinking that everyone hates me and wants me dead. It's scary, but I just wanted to tell him that it can get better."

I gently kiss her cheek, burying my face in her hair. I've always known that Jo was a special girl, but I have a newfound admiration for her now. This amazingly sweet, caring girl is living her life with a mental illness, yet she's doing so well. She's got a hit TV show, good relationships with her friends and family, and she seems so...happy. I can't believe that she didn't wanna tell me.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't think you'd wanna date a crazy girl."

"Hey, you are _not _crazy!" I say firmly. "And neither is James!"

"When I don't take my meds, I hear voices and think that ghosts are haunting me." She responds flatly. "How is that not crazy?"

"It's not your fault." I tell her, giving her a gentle kiss. When I pull away, she has a small smile on her face. If she hadn't told me the truth, I wouldn't be able to tell that she has any mental health issues. Really, I'm proud of her for that. I'm also happy that she's reaching out to James. He needs someone that understands him. The rest of us have a hard time understand because we've never dealt with mental illness before.

I guess we just have to keep praying that everything will get better and honestly, I think it will.

* * *

**Gustavo has to deal with the controversy surrounding James and BTR, as well as not being able to work on the band's third album! Meanwhile, Jo confessed to Kendall that she has schizophrenia herself, giving him a renewed optimism about James's recovery! **

**Just thought I'd summarize the chapter for you guys:)**

**Review! :D**


	12. Better

I cannot believe that I have been trapped in this place for a whole month. A whole month of nurses, medication, therapists, other "mentally ill" people, and whatnot. I'm still having a hard time believing that I'm sick, but I suppose that I was put here for a reason. I think my medication is starting to take effect because I've found myself hallucinating less than usual. I guess that's a good sign.

**"In other news, troubled Big Time Rush singer James Diamond is one of the most hated people in Hollywood after he reportedly attacked bandmate Logan Mitchell, who had already been brutally attacked after a recording session."**

My jaw drops and my eyes widen in horror. TMZ is actually showing a picture of BTR with a big red X over my face. Oh my gosh, I never "attacked" Logan! I shoved him against the wall, but that's it! I only did it because he saw my cuts and I freaked out! I never intended on causing any serious arm. How did anyone even know what really happened? Unless one of the guys told the media...th-that must be what happened. God, I knew they would end up screwing me over!

Clenching my jaw, I get out of the couch and approach the phone, sitting down. I roughly dial Kendall's cell phone number, tears prickling at my eyes. Unbelievable! Everyone's turning against me because one of my best friends betrayed me. I was finally starting to have some trust in them, but that's over now.

"Hello!"

"Who did it?"

"James? What are you talking about?"

"The news! Who told the media that I "attacked" Logan?"

"James, none of us did! Someone must have overheard us talking in the lobby and told the media!"

I sniffle, resting my head against the wall. I don't know if I can believe him. I mean, why should I? Yeah, these guys have been my best friends since kindergarten, but things can change. For all I know, they could have spread lies to the media in order to get back at me for ruining their lives. Doesn't that make sense?

"James, please, you have to believe us!"

I wanna believe him, I really do, but I don't know if I can. I just can't seem to get the possibility out of my mind. Now, I wanna know _why _it happened. Whether it was them or someone else, why did anyone wanna ruin my reputation? Apparently, everyone hates me because they think I assaulted my best friend. I don't wanna end up like Chris Brown, whose career was affected after he beat Rihanna. That CANNOT happen to me!

"James?"

"What?" I mutter.

"James, we _did not _say anything to the media." Kendall's desperation is obvious. I guess I could give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that neither he, Carlos, or Logan said anything. Whoever _did _talk...I hope they're consumed with guilt. I mean, TMZ said that I'm one of the most hated people in Hollywood right now!

"Fine." I whisper. "I've gotta go."

I hang up without saying another word, burying my face in my hands. When I get out of here, I might as well stay here in Texas and go to college or something...wait a minute...that actually sounds like an appealing idea. I mean, I've been keeping up with my school work while I'm here, so I could always apply to college for the spring semester! Maybe I'd be better off if I stayed away from Hollywood for a while. Besides, I can't go back to Los Angeles and deal with my many haters, at least not yet.

"BOOOO!"

"Ow! Dang, Emily, do you have to yell so loud?" Madilyn complains. Emily must have been booing TMZ for talking about me. I can't say that I love being here, but I have made some pretty cool friends. They're always on my side and always there to comfort me when I have a bad day. Since I've been here, I've had quite a few of those.

**"Just recently, his bandmates were questioned about the incident as they left Rocque Records, but they all declined to comment. According to a source, the boys are 'shocked' by James's violent behavior."**

I look at the TV in disbelief, trying my best to stay calm. It's really difficult, though. I mean, violent behavior? All I did was push Logan against the wall and scare him a little bit! Really, it's not like I was punching or kicking him! Maybe I wasn't in my right mind, but I wasn't planning on seriously hurting him.

"You know, someone should sue TMZ." Dominique states, collapsing on the couch. I can't even bring myself to respond to that, although I agree with her. These celebrity gossip sites should be illegal. I mean, what's right about spreading rumors about someone? It seems like defamation to me. I honestly think it should be illegal!

"Did you really beat Logan?" Craig frowns.

"No!" I answer. "He saw the cuts on my arms and I freaked out..and I shoved him against the wall. It wasn't like I hit him or anything."

Thank God that Craig accepts that simple explanation, instead of asking anymore questions. I feel bad for ever laying a hand on someone that I care about, but I don't wanna talk about it anymore. The last thing I need is to be reminded about what I did. However, the tabloids and celeb gossip channels are definitely stretching the truth.

"James, your mom is in the lobby and she wants to know if it's okay to bring your dad!" One of the nurses asks me.

"Um..." I hesitate. "Sure, whatever."

I chew on my bottom lip, almost regretting my response. I can't believe my dad has stayed down here for all this time. I still don't trust him, but I'll admit that he's shown more commitment than he ever has before. He's been here for a little more than three weeks and he hasn't tried to leave. I suppose I'm impressed by his dedication.

"Okay, how do you eat so much and not gain weight?" Madilyn complains as Dominique digs into her second bag of Lays potato chips. She only shrugs in response to the question. I guess she's more interested in eating than talking. I actually smile a little bit, but not enough to really consider it a genuine smile. It's more like a...a half smile.

"He's been doing so much better! I think his medication is starting to take affect!"

"Oh, that's wonderful!"

Well, there's Mom and..."Dad." I become noticeably tense as they approach, moving to sit on the couch. I look at my parents, my eyes darkening. As soon as Mom sits next to me, I rest my head on her shoulder, closing my eyes. I'm kind of tired and I don't really feel like dealing with my dad, but he's here and there's nothing I can do about it.

"How have you been doing, baby?" Mom asks me.

"Okay, I guess." That's a total lie. I am _not _okay. My reputation is ruined! Everyone in Hollywood and probably America hates me. I don't wanna worry her too much, though. I've already caused enough stress and I'd prefer not to make things any worse. Then again, she probably already knows about the situation since she watches quite a bit of celebrity news.

"Hon, we know about the rumors."

Of course she does.

"It's no big deal." I lie, groaning silently. Not a big deal? Hell yeah, it's a big deal! I'm only saying that it's not because I don't wanna freak out and cause a scene. I need to show that I'm mentally stable if I wanna be let out anytime soon. Seriously, if I have to stay here much longer, I might actually go insane.

**"On a different note, Logan Mitchell was recently photographed out and about with his girlfriend, Magic Middle School actress Camille Roberts. The surprise came when the couple was questioned about the recent controversy and Camille went on a strongly worded tirade!"**

That doesn't really surprise me. Camille has never been afraid to speak her mind. She's actually pretty well known for her ability to say what she wants and not feel any regret. She's also not afraid to give a middle finger to the paparazzi, which is exactly what she does at the end of the video that TMZ is showing. It's blurred out, though, since it's on TV.

"As much as I wanna say that's totally inappropriate, I'm actually commending her for that gesture." Dad looks up at the TV. "Those invasive jerks deserve it."

I bite the inside of my cheek, looking at the door as Mariah calls us for a smoke break. Getting up, I inform my parents that I'm going out for a minute, but Mom grabs my wrist just as I start to walk away.

"I don't want you smoking anymore." She says gently. I huff angrily, sitting back down. I'm eighteen and smoking is legal at that age. My mom is totally health conscious, though, so I shouldn't be surprised. She doesn't even want me eating too much chocolate! Yep, I should have known that she would have a problem with me smoking.

"I have to agree with your mom." Dad says. "Smoking's bad for you."

"Ugh, like you really care." I mutter.

"James-"

"Well, it's true! He left us when I was still a little kid and now he thinks he has the nerve to tell me what I can and can't do with _my _body?" I rant.

"That's not fair, James! You know I've been trying to make things right!" Dad argues. I narrow my eyes, taking slow and deep breaths. I'm shaking with anger, resisting the urge to hit him. There's a huge part of me that wants to tear him to shreds, but I can't bring myself to do it. Man, this is frustrating!

"Really? You've _tried_? The last time I talked to you was last year!" I yell at him, pulling my arm from Mom's grip. Without saying another word, I turn around and go out to the back yard, where Dominique hands me a cigarette. Mariah lights it up for me and I inhale the smoke, letting the worry and anger leave my body.

* * *

**The boys will visit James again in the next chapter:D**

******Review! :D**  



	13. Plan

**Logan's POV**

No matter how many times I try to push James's breakdown out of my mind, I can't do it. The image of James crying in Kendall's arms...it'll never leave my mind. For the past two months, I've tried my best to forget, but I couldn't. It's permanently engrained in my mind like a tattoo. Mama Knight spoke to James's mom, who said that he's doing a lot better, but that's no comfort to me.

James didn't even get to graduate with our class. He didn't get to go to prom either. I know how much he enjoys prom. He finished the remainder of his senior year at the hospital. They have an education program for young patients. He had a little help at first, but Ms. Diamond said that he did really well and was able to receive a diploma.

"They're in the recreation room."

I hate how perky this nurse is. How can she be so happy while working in a mental hospital? I mean, seriously! This place is full of people with problems, so I couldn't possibly be in a good mood if I worked here. Well, I guess it's nice that someone wants to help the mentally ill, but it's still not fun!

"He hasn't heard any voices in a couple of days." She informs Mama Knight, pushing the door open. We quietly enter the recreation room, surprised to find James attempting to make a bracelet with Dominique's help. He doesn't look like he's succeeding, though.

"How are you doing, hon?" Mama Knight kisses his cheek.

"Okay." James answers. I look at Kendall and Carlos, who obviously feel just as nervous as I do. I know I shouldn't be scared of him, but I am. I've read online that schizophrenics are no more violent than the general population, but I don't know if I can trust him after the way he pushed me that night. It scared me, you know? Seeing him so obviously not in his right mind.

"They took out the strings so you can't hurt yourself, but I got you something." Mama Knight says, handing him a black South Pole hoodie. He had been wanting a new one ever since a crazed fan snuck into our dressing room and "borrowed" his old one.

"Thanks." James says softly, slipping it over his head. I can't believe how soft spoken he has become. He use to be one of the craziest, most hyper people I know, but now he's more quiet than I am. Since his whole personality seems to have changed so much, I wonder how he'll handle being back in the spotlight.

"You tie it like..this." Dominique says, finishing James's bracelet for him. We watch as she slips it onto his left wrist. Her hands remain there for a moment before pulling away. Okay, did I miss something? Gosh, don't tell me that he found a girlfriend in this funny farm. I have no problem with him having a girlfriend, but I don't think it's a good idea for him to find a relationship in a mental hospital. Two mentally ill people definitely doesn't equal stability.

"We need to talk to you in private." Mama Knight tells him, rubbing his shoulder. Getting up, he follows us outside. I know exactly why she wanted to get him alone. He's only gonna be here for a couple more weeks, then he's gonna be let out. Mama Knight wants to help him figure out what he wants to do when he's released.

"Sweetie, you're only gonna be here for two more weeks, so we need to decide what you're gonna do next." She reminds him. "Have you given it any thought?"

"Dominique and I are thinking about buying a house down here."

Silence follows his...shocking announcement. Just last week, he told us that they're not dating, then we fast forward a week later and he wants to move in with her. Okay, is he crazy? Camille and I have been dating for more than two years and we haven't even talked about moving in together!

"Jay, Gustavo really wants you back in Los Angeles when you get out." Kendall points out.

"Maybe I don't wanna go back...not yet, at least."

We all look at him with confusion. I mean, it's so strange hearing him talk this way. Being a famous musician was his _dream _and now he wants to throw that away? Has his mental illness really changed his entire outlook on life? So much that he doesn't even care about his dreams anymore?

"Is this because of what everyone's saying?" Carlos asks worriedly.

"I _don't care _what they're saying." James's voice is tight with anger. He's not exactly popular at this moment in time. Everyone thinks he's the jerk that attacked his already traumatized best friend. I get so aggravated with the paparazzi when they bring it up. James didn't "attack" me. He just...he just got a little rough.

"Baby, maybe you should think about this-"

"I don't wanna think about it!" James seems to be getting a little stressed out. I guess that's not good for him. Mrs. Diamond said that it's not good for him to get too upset, so we have to be really careful when talking to him. I guess it's better to have lighthearted conversation, rather than talking about the serious stuff.

"Okay, okay," Mama Knight says, rubbing his arm. "Katie's waiting in the lobby. Maybe I can see if they'll let you go and see her."

"Yeah." James nods. "That would be really nice."

With a kiss to his cheek, Mama Knight walks back into the recreation room, leaving us to talk amongst ourselves. It's kind of awkward, though, since James is only here because he tried to jump off the roof. We all try to avoid mentioning his suicide attempt, but I desperately wanna ask him all the questions running through my mind, such as his reason for not telling us about his problem. Why did we only find out after he nearly took his own life?

"Um, Jo got accepted to college." I guess that's gonna be the ice breaker. Thanks, Kendall.

"Really? I didn't know she had applied." James murmurs.

"Well, she didn't want anyone to know until she got an acceptance letter." Kendall answers. "But yeah, she's going to college in the fall. She still plans on working, though!"

James only responds with a nod.

"Logan, you haven't said much." Carlos states. Yeah, like that's not obvious? I just don't feel very talkative today. I know that it's not James's fault that he's schizophrenia, but I can't seem to get his breakdown out of my mind. It was the scariest thing I've ever witnessed, seeing my friend have a mental breakdown right before my eyes.

"I'm gonna go to the lobby and check on Katie." I walk past them, no longer able to handle being in James's presence.

* * *

**Katie's POV**

"Sweetie, would you like something to drink?" The nice lady at the desk offers.

"No thanks." I answer politely. The only thing I'd like is for them to let James out of here. Honestly, I wanna forget this stupid place. It's cool visiting the River Walk while visiting, but I'd much rather have James back in LA. Besides, who wants to spend all their time visiting someone in a mental institution? It's depressing!

"God, I am sick of this place." Logan complains, sitting beside me. I would respond, but I'm way too exhausted. I just wanna go back to the hotel and go for a swim in the indoor pool. Thank God that we're only allowed to stay for an hour. When we leave, I'm either going for a swim or I'm gonna take a nap.

"Katie, look who's here to see you!" Mom says, maybe sounding a little too enthusiastic. But hey, that's my mom for ya. She's the most overly enthusiastic person I know. She's almost as hyper as Carlos's mom. On a different note, my secret crush is standing in the doorway.

Without a second thought, I jump to my feet and lunge at James, jumping into his arms. By the way, James doesn't know that I have a crush on him and I'd like to keep it that way. I know he's suspicious and has been that way ever since I saved him from that psychotic little fanboy a while back, but he doesn't know for sure and he never will.

"Um, Katie, you can let go."

"Shut up and let me hug you." I hug his waist, burying my face in his chest. I can almost feel the weird looks I'm getting, but I don't care one bit. I haven't hugged this guy in far too long. He's cuddly just like a teddy bear!

"I knew you had a crush on me."

"I _do not _have a crush on you." I growl, giving him a dirty look.

"Yeah, just keep telling yourself that." James sits next to Logan on the couch. A fun secret? I'm conflicted between those two boys _big time_. James is a gorgeous hunk of man, but Logan has the dimples and baby face. James is definitely my number one crush, though. That's why I don't like that Dominique chick that he always tells us about. My message to her? Back off, senorita, because James David Diamond is MINE.

"Brooke, I don't-" We look at the front entrance, where Ms. Diamond and her ex husband are standing. Wow, what a "fantastic" surprise. Neither me or the guys can say that we're big fans of James's dad. I don't think he cares about James as much as he says he does. How can we believe a man that abandoned his wife and child?

"Jay, we found a nice living arrangement for you." Mrs. Diamond smiles, walking over to her son. "They have some lovely halfway houses for mentally ill people in Minnesota. I think it would benefit you significantly. You can regain your independence, but you'll have support."

"I'm _not _mentally ill, mother." James closes his eyes, breathing in and out.

"Are there any places like that in Los Angeles?" Kendall frowns.

"Maybe I'd be better off if I stayed out of LA until all this controversy blows over." James interrupts quietly. I have to hold back a squeak. I'm sorry, but the thought of living in LA without James scares me. 2J will be so quiet if he's not there. Who's gonna protect me from the jerks I'll eventually end up dating?! It's annoying, but I'll miss his overprotectiveness!

"Just hide out in 2J!" I blurt out.  
"Look, we still have two more weeks to make a decision." Mom finally says. I let out a sigh, relieved that no final decision in being made. Look, I care about James's mental health as much as the next person, but I really want him to stay in LA. Oh, and Dominique needs to go back to wherever she came from. Yep, I said it!

"Excuse me, but I need to ask James something-" I resist the urge to scream when the skank peeks her head into the lobby. Then a nurse grabs her wrist and pulls her away, all while she protests at the top of her lungs. Ugh, she's so obnoxious. You know the phrase "opposites attract?" Well, she's way too much like James, so that's a relationship that's doomed to fail from the start.

"Don't feel like you need to be in any hurry to make a decision." Mr. Diamond tells his estranged son. "We'll figure it out."

I look away and silently mock him. "They''ll" figure it out? I don't think "they" should include him. He has never cared to be a part of James's life before, so why now? I'm only twelve and it shouldn't be any of my business, but I care about James and I'll be as protective of him as I wanna be.

"Yeah," James agrees in a soft voice. "Just give me a little time."

* * *

**What do you think James should do when he gets out of the hospital? **

**Haha, Katie's crush on him is both cute and funny, isn't it? :P**

**Review! :D**

**PS: I had a dream regarding my upcoming BTR VIP experience! It was wonderful:)**


	14. Release

Well, today's the day. I'm finally leaving the hospital. I'll admit that I was rather surprised when I found out Dominique would be leaving the same day, but it's actually a good thing. We've decided to take my mom up on her offer to get us that halfway house in Minnesota. I guess it'll be a good thing to stay there for a while before I even think about returning to LA.

"This is so exciting!" Mom sounds way too enthusiastic. I can only roll my eyes as we walk out to the rental car. We're spending the night in a hotel before flying out to Minnesota tomorrow. The only real problem is that the halfway house is in Minneapolis, which is also where my dad lives. The thought of living in the same town as him...it sickens me. I just know that he's gonna be showing up everyday, "trying" to "fix" things.

"Nice ride, Ms. Diamond!" Dominique states, putting her headphones on. I look at her iPhone screen. She's listening to Gold, a song she recorded in a local recording studio in her hometown. She actually sang a little bit for me yesterday. She has a nice voice and I think she could have been a successful musician if she hadn't almost destroyed Rocque Records.

"It's just a rental." Mom giggles, getting behind the wheel.

"When we get to the hotel, we should go for a swim." Dominique whispers in my ear.

"Maybe." I murmur, closing my eyes. I really just wanna take a nap. These past two and a half months have been the most stressful, exhausting months of my life. Boy band boot camp was pretty tough, but that was actually _fun_.

"Jay, did they give you your medicine this morning?"

"Yes, mother."

I sigh quietly as she backs out of the parking space, looking out the window. It feels weird being outside the mental hospital after so many weeks. Will I be able to handle it? I'm scared that I might end up having a relapse or something. When my schizophrenia was at its worst, I felt like I was living in my own personal hell!

"Dominique, don't mind me asking, but I'm curious as to why a family member isn't picking you up."

"My family is full of jerks." Dominique mutters, resting her head on my shoulder. We're definitely not dating, but she has become one of my best friends. Mom was worried about me living with a pyromaniac, but I've assured her several times that Dominique is perfectly fine. She won't have access to any fire starting materials.

The ride seems to go on forever. When we arrive at the hotel and I see all the people, I desperately wanna stay in the car. Mom and Dominique won't let me, of course. Despite my arguing, Dominique practically drags me out of the car _against my will._

I refuse to remove my hood, though. They can make me get out of the car, but I refuse to let my face be seen. People still think I beat Logan, so I'm not one of America's most popular people at the moment. Kendall told me that Gustavo will be doing damage control, but I don't think that's gonna do much good.

"I already made reservations for you." Mom informs us, approaching the manager's desk.

"Are you gonna remove that hoodie?"

"No, I'm not." I answer defiantly, crossing my arms. Dominique rolls her eyes and we take a seat on one of the couches, waiting for Mom to get our room key. We're gonna share a room, but not a bed. That's my mom's decision, not mine. She's one of those parents that wants to preserve her child's innocence as long as she can. Come on, I entered a mental hospital after I tried to commit _suicide. _What's so innocent about that?

"Hey, Logan's over there."

Sure enough, Logan's getting some hot chocolate. My medication has stopped my delusions and hallucinations, so I no longer see my loved ones as my enemies. Now I'm looking at Logan and instead of seeing someone that wants to hurt me, I see a person that I deeply care about. I wonder if Logan will ever truly forgive me.

"Talk to him." Dominique suggests. Nodding, I get up and walk over to him, grabbing a cup. I'm getting pretty thirsty, so I think I'll make some hot chocolate too.

"Hey, your mom got you out of there." Logan doesn't sound too enthusiastic. He's trying to keep his distance too, which only increases my guilt.

"Logan, I-" I touch his shoulder, but he flinches away. He...he doesn't trust me. I mean, why should he? I got rough with him just days after...well, you know. I guess I deserve the cold shoulder whether I want it or not. I really wish he would talk to me, though. I mean, like _really _talk to me, rather than a short sentence or two.

"I'm going to the pool." He whispers, walking away. I feel tempted to follow him, but I don't. I don't wanna upset him anymore than I already have. I mean, why give him more reason to be annoyed with me? I'll talk to him later! You know, when the time is right.

"Jay, you and Dominique are in room 205." Mom tells me. "It's on the second floor."

"Let's go, dork." Dominique grabs my wrist, pulling me toward the elevator.

* * *

"Well, now that we're unpacked, we can have some _real _fun." She sounds strangely flirtatious and I'm not sure whether I should be flattered or creeped out. Next thing I know, she's throwing a pair of swim shorts at my face. Ah, she wants to go swimming. For a minute, I thought that she had other ideas. Wow, what a relief!

"If you get dressed in five minutes, I'll give this Hershey's Bar." She waves the snack in front of my face, which I think is totally unfair. She knows I haven't eaten much today. Yeah, real nice of her to flaunt it like that!

While I'm in the restroom, I can barely hear the TV. It sounds like E! News, much to my aggravation. I've had a huge problem with celebrity gossip channels lately. Mostly because they've all been talking fake trash about me, fueling the fire that has already been burning long enough.

**"Right now, we have Mercedes Griffin with us. She's here to talk about her friendship with the boys of Big Time Rush and the recent controversy surrounding the group."**

I roll my eyes, slipping my swim trunks on. They're seriously interviewing Mercedes? She isn't even a real celebrity! She's only famous for being Griffin's daughter. Because of that, she got her own reality show, which I can't stand. If I had to choose between spending time with her or Kim Kardashian, I would go with Kim!

**"Yeah, I heard about that! I actually saw James being wheeled out of the Palm Woods on a stretcher. I've been hearing that he had some kind of mental breakdown."**

I clench my fists, almost tempted to break the stupid TV.

**"I was appalled when I heard what he did to Logan! I mean, Logan is such a sweet guy and I don't know why James would wanna hurt him. Really, I was completely shocked when I found out."**

"Okay, let's turn the TV off and go to the pool!" I step out of the bathroom, glaring at the screen. Finally, it goes blank and I breathe a sigh of relief, waiting for Dominique to give me my candy bar. When she hands it to me, I tear it open and take an angry bite as we leave the room. Mercedes is totally trying to further damage my rep!

"I'm sure it'll blow over."

Yeah, that doesn't do much to assure me. To be honest, I'm starting to doubt that life will ever be the same again.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"Why do you insist on wearing a hoodie all the time?"

"Just because." I shrug, watching Carlos jump into the indoor pool. I don't know why Kendall's interrogating me. The truth is, I still have some nasty bruising on my arms, but he doesn't need to know that. That first show we did five days after the incident...I couldn't even do my backflip because my bruising was so bad. I'm surprised that I was even able to perform at all that night.

"Kendall, could you take your sister to get a snack from the lobby?" Mama Knight asks. I love my friends, but I feel pretty relieved when Kendall leaves with Katie. That is, until Mama Knight sits beside me. Reaching for my left arm, she pulls up my sleeve, revealing several bruises littering my skin. It looks horrible.

"Hon, you should talk to someone."

I shake my head. There's no way that I'm gonna see a therapist. I mean, I'm fine! The incident was scary, but it's not like I'm scarred for life. What I need is for everyone to back off and mind their own business. No disrespect or anything, but come on, I want some space.

"Come here." She says, pulling me into a hug. I rest my head on her shoulder, barely cringing when James and Dominique show up. Look, I'm not mad at James. I just...I just can't trust him after the way he behaved toward me. He was there when I was taken to the hospital, then he had the nerve to push me around. It was like he didn't even care about what I went through just days before.

While Mama Knight and Carlos go to greet him, I don't even bother. I'm really happy that he's out of the hospital, but I don't know about the future of our friendship. I'm not blaming him for being schizophrenic, which isn't his fault, but I just haven't been able to look at him the same way since that night.

"Is Logan still mad at me?"

Gosh, I think my heart just broke a little bit.

"Baby, he's not mad at you!"

I bite the inside of my cheek. No, I'm not mad at him, but I am hurt. I don't mean to seem like a stubborn jerk that can't let things go, but this is one thing that I don't think I can just "let go." That's understandable, right? Kendall thinks that I should forgive him, but I think Carlos is on by side since James freaked out on him a while back.

"Logiebear, we're doing a group hug!" Dominique sings.

"Good for you." I reply. "And stop calling me Logiebear!"

"Okay, Logiebear!"

I smack a hand to my face, groaning. I can't believe that James is friends with someone like her. I have a feeling that he only likes her because she's hot. She's very pretty, but I don't care because I already have an awesome girlfriend. Of course, if James wants to go for her, that's fine by me.

"Carlos, why are you sniffing my hair?"

"Because it smells like strawberries!"

"Weirdo."

I give him a weird look, although I'm not surprised by his behavior. He's not very smooth when it comes to girls. When he sees a pretty girl, he acts pretty weird. I use to be that way until I started dating Camille.

_FLASHBACK_

_The Los Angeles sky was dark when I finally walked out of Rocque Records, making my way back to the Palm Woods. I felt like I was being followed, but I was scared to look. I just walked faster, hoping that I was wrong. Of course, I'm Logan Mitchell. Everything bad happens to Logan Mitchell, doesn't it?_

_Just as the Palm Woods came into view, I felt myself being grabbed and dragged into an alley, where I was roughly shoved against a wall. I cried out in pain as the thug screamed in my face for me to give him my money. I only had a twenty with me, but I gave it to him. I figured that would be the end of it, but I was wrong._

_I was thrown to the ground and kicked in the stomach. He kept beating me, even as I begged for him to stop. It was so painful, but he didn't even care. He just kept violently attacking me, ignoring my desperate cries. I just wanted to go home. Why was he doing this to me? _

_When he finally got done with me, I was a sobbing mess on the ground. I wasn't just crying out of pain either, but fear. I couldn't believe what had just happened to me. _

_I couldn't let the guys know about this. I didn't need them seeing me for the weakling I really am. So I struggled to my feet, clenching my teeth. Walking only made the pain flare up, but I managed to get back to the apartment in about ten minutes. By the time, I made it to 2J, I was ready to scream._

I gasp as I return to the present, tears filling my eyes. I turn my head to glance at James, finally letting a single tear fall down my face. I...I don't don't understand what's happening to us. I just wish that it would stop.

* * *

**There's gonna be a lot of James/Logan drama, which I'm actually looking forward to! In my fanfics, I always seem to give them a harder time than Kendall and Carlos:P **

**Aaah, my BTR concert is getting so close! *claps hands***

**Review! :D**


	15. Forgiveness

"Okay, why are you up at four in the morning?" Dominique complains.

Yes, it_ is _four in the morning. I know I should be asleep, but I couldn't. I'm just sitting at the table, eyeing the bottle of psych medication. I can't believe that I'm gonna have to take this crap the rest of my life. In my opinion, a life on medication is no life. It's not like I'm genuinely stable and happy. The only reason for that is the stupid medicine.

"If I swallowed all these pills, would it kill me?"

Then Dominique jumps out of bed and storms over to me, pulling the bottle from my hands. I look at her and have no problem seeing that she's not happy with my statement. I was just asking a simple question, but I guess she doesn't see it that way. I'm being serious, though. If I swallowed a whole bottle of Abilify, would it be enough to kill me?

"Are you kidding?!" She says harshly. "You just got out of the hospital and you're already contemplating effing suicide? My God, James!"

"Logan won't even talk to me." I retort. "He hates me."

Well, it's true! I guess I deserve the cold shoulder too. I had no right to lay my hands on him, but I did it anyway, and now I'm suffering the consequences of my actions. It sucks, though, because Logan is like the little brother that I never had. I care about him and I don't wanna lose him, but I guess it's happening whether I like it or not.

"I highly doubt that he hates you." Dominique says, sitting the bottle on the table. "Think about this, okay? He went through something really scary and traumatic, so he's probably still struggling with that. I don't think it has anything to do with you."

I scoff, walking onto the balcony. Really? Because Logan sure seems to be trying awfully hard to avoid talking to me. When we were eating dinner last night, he wouldn't even _look _at me. He wouldn't even sit next to me. I sat between Kendall and my mom, while Carlos sat next to Logan. I really wish he would talk to me, but the chances of that happening aren't looking so good.

"If you have to, lock him in a closet and make him talk to you!"

I shake my head. "He gets panic attacks and I don't wanna scare him."

I wish there was a way to make him talk to me, though. I know how badly I hurt him, but I can't let that ruin our friendship, can I? All I want is to give him a hug and let him know that i'll never hurt him again. I really won't! I got help and now I'm ready to treat my loved ones the way they deserve to be treated. Can't Logan understand that I wasn't in my right mind?

"Come on, let's go back to bed." Dominique says, leading me back inside. I start to crawl back under my own covers until she interrupts me.

"Not that bed." She lays down, patting the spot next to her. I look at her apprehensively, but I approach her bed and slowly lay next to her. Pulling the covers over my tired body, I look up at the ceiling, frowning deeply. I don't know what else to say, except that I'm scared. You know, scared about the future.

"I have a question." Dominique says, turning onto her side. "I was thinking about that time in recreational therapy, when Emily asked you if your bandmates are virgins. Now I wanna know if _you _are a virgin."

I give her a disbelieving look, although I'm not surprised that she would ask such a personal question. She seems to have no boundaries when it comes to asking questions about someone's personal life.

"Yeah." I nod. "I am."

"Really?"

"Are you surprised?" I chuckle.

"Well, kind of." Dominique grins. "With you being so...attractive, I would expect that you've been with lots of girls."

"I've had plenty of girlfriends, but I've never gone that far with any of them." I respond. I honestly can't believe that we're really having this conversation. I'm pretty good at opening up, but there are some things that even I don't feel comfortable discussing, like whether or not I'm a virgin. It seems inappropriate, you know?

"Why not?"

"You have no self control, do you?" I say flatly. The look on her face is hilarious. I don't think she likes having her imperfections pointed out. Back at the mental hospital, some guy called her a fire loving psycho and she almost tried to strangle him. I pulled her away before she could get herself in trouble, but she wasn't happy at all.

"Jerk."

"What about you?"

"No."

"You're not-"

"Nope, I gave up my innocence on my seventeenth birthday."

"Actually, I'm more curious about how many guys you've dated." I tell her.

"Just a couple." Dominique shrugs, sitting up. "They were both egotistical douchebags, though, so I kicked them to the curb."

"Then I definitely wouldn't be your type." I chuckle lightly. I barely catch her rolling her eyes and I smile to myself. I haven't smiled this much in months. For so long, any happiness I've expressed has been a lie, but I actually feel genuinely happy right now. Just me and a good friend, laying here and talking amongst ourselves.

"Oh, hush! You don't seem like the egotistical type!"

"I was the world's worst before I went crazy." I inform her. I laugh as she nudges me, whining softly. It's quite unbelievable how she can cheer me up so easily. If it weren't for her, I don't know if I would've handled these past two and a half months as well as I did. So yeah, thanks to her for actually taking care of me. I've never met anyone like her before.

"Look, you seem to be forgetting that I almost burnt a house down." She reminds me. "Trust me, you're not the craziest person in the world. Nope, that title goes to _me_."

"You just keep telling yourself that."

"Whatever! Let's just go to sleep." Dominique giggles, turning the lamp off.

* * *

I always enjoyed breakfast with the guys before I got sick. After my schizophrenia developed, spending time with people became downright terrifying. Now I'm starting to get better, but I'm still not comfortable sitting with people because it's so awkward. Especially when one of my friends won't acknowledge me!

Logan made sure to get breakfast early, so he could avoid sitting with me. Carlos told me that he's in the pool room, having another long distance talk with Camille. He said that Logan has been real clingy with her ever since I went into treatment. I mean, it's fine that he wants to spend time with his girlfriend, but the other guys and I think that he's only clinging so tightly to her because of what has happened in recent months.

"Where are you going?" Dad asks as I get out of my seat.

"I'm gonna talk to Logan." I mutter, walking out of the lobby. Sure enough, Logan is quietly talking on his cell phone when I walk into the pool room. For a moment, I just watch him and wonder if he'll ever forgive me. Even his laughter sounds forced. His smiles and laughter look and sound completely fake.

"Okay, I love you." He whispers, hanging up the phone. When he first sees me, he tries to hurry out of here, but I am quick to grab his wrist, preventing him from walking away from me.

"Just hear me out, okay?" I plead.

"Why should I?"

"Because I _need _you to." I tell him, carefully letting go of his wrist. "Logan, when I pushed you, you need to understand that I wasn't in my right mind. At that moment in time, I saw you as someone that wanted to hurt me. My illness made me do things that I wouldn't do otherwise. I can't be blamed for that, right?"

"I'm not even surprised." Logan grumbles. "Not taking responsibility for your actions, always having an excuse. My mom always told me how my dad would always have an excuse for hitting her. He would always tell her that it was just the alcohol, that he didn't mean to hurt her. Then he left when I was only five months old. Just goes to show that you can't trust anyone, even the people that are suppose to be there for you."

I honestly can't believe what I'm hearing. I know that his dad hasn't been around since he was a baby, but I had no idea that the man had been abusive. I don't understand why he didn't tell us. He should know that he can trust us. We support each other through the good and bad. I really thought that he knew that.

"Logan, I-"

"Stop! Just stop!" He snaps, pushing me away when I try to hug him. "I guess I deserved what I got, right? Didn't I deserve to get assaulted, only to have my best friend hurt me even more? I mean, I'm just Logan, the nerd that's good for nothing except being a good punching bag!"

"You're not-"

"Hey, no need to tell me what I already know."

He wipes his eyes as he walks past me, while I struggle not to burst into tears myself. Okay, I officially feel like the worst friend ever. I mean, I had no idea that he was felt that way. I...I need to talk to him! I refuse to let him go without a fight. I just flat out refuse to lose one of my best friends.

So I turn around and walk out the door, going after him.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

Thank God that this hotel's gym has a punching bag. I won't be a weakling for much longer. I'm gonna toughen up so people can no longer take advantage of me. I'll learn how to fight, so I don't get beaten again. Ever since it happened, I've been afraid to go anywhere by myself, but I won't have to worry if I know how to fight back.

Angrily, I throw a hard punch, secretly wishing that it were my attacker...or James. No, I don't necessarily _want _to hurt James, but I'm having a hard time letting go of what happened between us. Maybe I shouldn't be angry with him, but I am. For one thing, he nearly killed himself before anyone knew that he had a problem. I'm angry that he didn't let us know what was wrong. I feel like he lied to us. He pretended that everything was fine when it wasn't.

I throw an even harder punch, crying out when the pain in my bruised arms flares up. Just as I start to throw another punch, someone grabs my shoulders. I don't know why James is trying so hard to get me to "listen" to him. Does he really think he deserves that after everything he has put us through?

"Please, just talk to me." I hate the way he's practically begging. God, I hate it.

"Why does it matter?!" I yell at him. "Why in the hell does it matter if I talk to you? It's not gonna change anything, James! It won't change the past! Your schizophrenia won't go away, I'll still be the loser that got beat up, my family won't be brought back together...My God, James! Just get it through your head that nothing will change no matter what we do!"

I'm crying now. I have to turn away so James doesn't see the tears coming down my face. My quivering body probably gives me away, though.

"Hey," James whispers, pulling me into his arms. "Come here."

I don't even try to pull away. At this moment, my anger has faded, having been replaced with sorrow. I can't seem to understand why James is bothering to comfort me, but here he is. A huge part of me wants to stay mad at him, but another part of me is screaming at me to forgive him. It's just a matter of which part I wanna listen to.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

Several hours later, after a ridiculously long plane ride, a limo is parking in front of the halfway house where Dominique and I will be staying. This one was built just last year and, thankfully, it's just gonna be the two of us. There is a counselor living nearby that will come to check on us regularly, but we're gonna be living independently for the most part.

"Well, at least it's not a total dump." Carlos says as we walk to the front door. It's two stories tall, made of beautiful red brick, and the yard is quite nice. I think I might actually like living here, especially if I'm gonna be here with a friend. I just wonder what the guys plan on doing.

"Hey, I guess you're gonna go back to LA." Dominique tells them, seeming to read my mind.

"Actually, Griffin is putting BTR on a temporary hiatus until everything settles down, so we're probably gonna stay in Minnesota for a while." Kendall replies. I silently thank the heavens above for that. I really would like to have my best friends nearby. Even though I have Dominique, I'd feel weird not having the guys around.

"Well, I guess a break would be nice." Mama Knight smiles. "Samuel, Brooke, don't you agree?"

"Definitely." My parents both answer. Slowly pushing the door open, I enter the house, ready to start my new life.

* * *

**Wow, this was a pretty long chapter! :) I'm proud of it, though!**

**Anyway, a new chapter of Haunted will be up tomorrow:)**

**Review! :D**


	16. Aftermath

The rest of the day is spent getting settled in. Before I know it, it's almost midnight and everyone else has gone home. Mom was reluctant to leave us here alone, but I convinced her to go home and get some rest. She promised that she would call tomorrow morning and remind me to take my medication. I guess she doesn't trust that I'll remember to take it on my own. To be truthful, I'm not the least bit surprised.

Laying in bed at 11:50 pm, I'm waiting for Dominique to get through taking a shower. She's been in there for ten minutes. We've decided to share a bed, due to the fact that I'm kind of scared to sleep by myself now. I no longer see shadows and stuff like that, but the images I saw at the height of my schizophrenic episode traumatized me for life.

"You know, you should totally take that shirt off." Her playful voice says. I turn onto my side and look at her, instantly questioning why she's wearing such a...sexy silk nightgown. She's clearly trying to seduce me, which is confusing because I thought we were friends. She does look pretty hot, though.

"What the hell are you doing?" I chuckle as she crawls under the covers.

"I was just thinking about something." She says quietly. "We're living under the same roof and we haven't even been on a date."

I look at her with a confused expression. Is she suggesting that we date? I wouldn't have any problem with that, but I don't think I'm ready to be in a romantic relation. I know, that sounds crazy coming from James Diamond, but I've decided to be more careful from now on. I don't think Dominique realizes how unstable I could possibly be.

"Can we just go to sleep?" I say with a gentle smile. "I'm tired."

"Come on, cutie." She kisses my cheek. "You need someone to take care of you."

"We don't have to date for you to take care of me." I answer, looking up at the ceiling. I don't know why she puts so much emphasis on taking care of me. I just don't know. Maybe she wants to take care of someone so she'll be distracted and won't think about fires. Maybe I don't wanna be her distraction, though.

"Hey, I'm just saying!" She laughs. "I think we are pretty great together, dontcha think?"

"We fought over what channel to watch earlier." I remind her.

"Yeah, but that's what close friends do." I can't believe when she straddles my waist. I'm trying to decide whether she's drunk or I'm just really that attractive in her eyes. I'm also trying to decide if I should be amused, irritated, or _really _attracted to her. Is she trying to confuse me? Because it's working.

"Then we're a very strange pair." I smirk, pushing her off me. She grumbles under her breath, while I laugh to myself. Hey, I'm not saying that she's not attractive, but I don't feel like we could have a successful romantic relationship. I don't know what it is, but I just can't picture that happening.

"You got that right, dork." She mutters, turning the lamp off.

"We could still make out, though!"

"James Diamond, you jerk!"

"Love you too, senorita."

* * *

"Did you take your medication?"

"Did you sleep okay?"

"You're still a virgin, right? James David Diamond, I swear-"

"Mom!" I groan, laying my head on the dining table. She has been hounding me with questions all morning. Even worse, she's been doing it in front of Dominique, so I have a former pyromaniac laughing at my expense. I really don't appreciate being laughed at, but I don't think she cares. She's entertained and that's all that matters.

"Okay, I get it!" Mom raises her hands in defense before rubbing my shoulders. You know, I kind of feel like going over to Kendall's house for a bit. The only problem is that I don't have a car. I hate that my mom is gonna have to drive me everywhere, but I'd rather do that than stay at home.

"Could you go to the store and get me a bag of Hot Cheetohs?"

"Dominique, there's a convenience store within walking distance from her."

"Yeah, but I don't feel like walking."

"Mom, drop me off at Kendall's place, then...go and get this lazy wackjob a drink."

"Hey!"

"Oh, it's alright!" Mom dismisses our bickering with a wave of her perfectly manicured hand. She visits the salon on a regular basis. She runs one of the most famous cosmetics companies in America, so she has no problem affording her extravagant lifestyle. She lives in a huge house, has a fancy car, she goes on fancy vacations, and she's always getting her hair and nails done. I don't know why she still cares so much about her looks when she's in her late thirties, but I don't bother questioning it.

"Get dressed and we'll go." She pats my shoulder. Quietly thanking her, I get up and shoot Dominique a baffled look before walking to my room.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"We should play paintball."

"NO PAINTBALL!"

"Darn it!" I mutter, my arms crossed. I think paintball would be fun, but Mama Knight apparently doesn't want paint scattered all over the yard. I don't see why she didn't sell this house when we moved to LA, but she claims that she wanted to keep it for when we visit Minnesota. That way, we don't have to stay in a hotel. If she won't let us play paintball in a fifty year old house, I can only imagine her reaction if we tried to do it in a hotel lobby.

"Cam, we're just gonna stay for a little bit!"

Oh, in case you're wondering, Logan's been arguing with Camille for the past hour. Judging by his side of the conversation, I'm getting the feeling that Camille's not happy that we're not gonna be returning to LA anytime soon. Hey, I refuse to do Big Time Rush without James, so I'm not going anywhere until he's ready.

"Ugh, you're being ridiculous!"

"This is giving me a headache." Katie grumbles as Logan flails his arms. "Just saying."

"That makes two of us, baby sister."

Here's the big problem. Kendall and Logan _have _girlfriends to argue with, but I have no one. Heck, I think James has something going on with Dominique! Then there's me, a soon-to-be lonely old coot living in a log cabin in the woods. Wait a minute...why am I even thinking about this?

"Boys, James is outside!" Mama Knight says cheerfully. I get up and look through the peep hole. Yep, that's James alright. Gosh, I'm surprised that Dominique's not trailing behind him. He seems to be more interested in her than his best friends. You know, the one's that he's known since kindergarten. I mean, I'm not bitter or anything, but come on!

"Excuse me, hon." Mama Knight says. I step out of the way so she can open the door. "Hi!"

"Well, fine!"

I think I need to make sure Logan's okay. After everything that has happened, I've been extra attentive toward him. I don't wanna be overbearing or anything, but I guess I just wanna protect him from getting hurt again. I'm also the only one he seems to really trust these days, so I'm trying really hard to be there for him.

"She hung up on me." He smacks his hands to his face. I smile awkwardly, patting his shoulder. I don't really know anything to say. Everything has turned to crap and it's not like anything I say will change that. James is mentally ill, his reputation is screwed, BTR's career is in shambles, Logan has problems of his own, and Kendall's girlfriend has the same illness that almost ruined James. Great...

"If it makes you feel better, my cousin tried to beat me with a baseball once."

"No, Carlos, that _doesn't _make me feel better."

"Didn't think so."

"How did your first night in the house go?" Mama Knight asks James.

"Pretty good."

Not caring to put my two cents in, I grab the remote and turn the TV on. Ever since the whole James controversy got started, I've been obsessed with watching celebrity gossip. TMZ, E! News, and all that stuff. Those stupid reporters won't shut up about us, so I frequently find myself checking to find out what else they're saying.

**"James Diamond has reportedly left the mental hospital where he was previously staying, but no one knows where the troubled Big Time Rush singer is located at this time. According to a source, he will not be returning to Los Angeles, at least for the time being. Diamond's BTR bandmate, Kendall Knight, spoke out earlier on Scuttlebutter, pleading with the media to give the singer the respect and privacy that he deserves."**

"I hate TMZ." James says with absolutely no emotion in his voice. Now a video of Lucy at the MTV Movie Awards shows her talking to a reporter, apparently about James. Everyone knows that they're really good friends, so I guess it's no surprise that she gets asked about him rather frequently. Some media outlets even suspect that they're dating.

**"Pop princess Lucy Stone recently sent her well wishes to Mr. Diamond while speaking to a reporter at the MTV Movie Awards. She said 'I know James and I know that he wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone. He's a great guy and I wish him the best in his recovery. He was right to get help'."**

"Thanks for that, Lucy."

Again, not much emotion. He's clearly stressed, but we all are. It's been a rough time for all of us, especially him and Logan. When we were still in LA, Logan couldn't leave the Palm Woods with some stupid photographer questioning him about his attacker and the James incident. I think that only made him feel worse.

Riiiing!

"Ugh, what?!" Logan snaps when he answers the phone. "Dominique, how did you get my number? You looked at James's address book? Why couldn't you just call his phone? Oh, you don't say?"

"Jay, you left your phone at home, didn't you?" Kendall sighs.

"Yep."

I take a deep breath, looking at the TV screen. Now they're talking about Kim Kardashian's new baby, North West. That's not a name I would have picked, but I guess it's creative. I don't really understand all the hate toward the Kardashians. Everyone says that she got famous from a sex tape, but I'm pretty sure that her dad was a lawyer in the OJ Simpson trial.

"Carlos, you're fantasizing about Kim K again, aren't you?" Katie snaps me out of my daydreaming.

"Um, no?"

"Well, just know that she will never date you."

"Of course not! She has a boyfriend!"

"Guys, can we change the channel?" James grabs the remote from my hands, changing the channel to the CW. Ooh, New Town High is on! It's playing my favorite episode too! You know, the one where Rachel (Jo's character) cheats on Drake (played by Jett Stetson) with a handsome new vampire, only to find out that this vampire is working against them. It's so scandalous and it's AWESOME.

Riiiing!

"I've got this." Kendall says, stepping out of the room. "Hello? Hey, Mr. Taylor...what? Oh my God, is she okay? Oh my God...sh-she stopped taking her meds? Oh, God..."

The TV is shut off, but I don't bother changing that. Now I'm too worried about Kendall and desperate to know what that phone call is all about.

* * *

**This chapter was pretty lighthearted until the end:/ What do you guys think Jo's dad told Kendall?**

**Review! :D**


	17. Tired

**Well, here's the new update I promised! It's a little shorter than the other chapters, but only because I'm meeting BTR tomorrow and...well, you get my point;)**

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"TURN THE NEWS ON!" I yell, snatching the remote off the coffee table. Turning the TV on, I breathe deeply, panicking. I cannot believe what Jo's dad just told me. I thought she would surely be responsible and stay on her medication. Her dad said that she was experiencing bad side effects and tried to see if she could go without it, but that clearly didn't work out!

"Kendall, what-" Mom frowns.

**"Breaking news: New Town High actress Jo Taylor has been admitted to Cedars Sinai after a reported suicide attempt involving a kitchen knife. Sources claim that the star's father walked in on his daughter slashing her wrists and promptly called an ambulance. According to a friend of the actress, she has been battling Paranoid Schizophrenia for years and the sudden meltdown may be due to her not taking her medication."**

I glance over at James, who is staring at the carpet. I can't bring myself to say anything to him because I'm much too worried about Jo. I mean, I'm pretty sure that James is okay, but Jo cut her wrists. According to Mr. Taylor, there was blood all over the floor. He doesn't even know about her condition yet! Ugh, I'm freaking out.

**"In ten minutes, Miss Taylor's rep will be holding a press conference outside the hospital. Numerous reporters are outside the facility in hopes of getting updates on her current condition."**

I lower myself onto the couch, trying to wrap my mind around this. I...how could she do this to herself? If she was experiencing negative side effects, she should have called her doctor and seen if she could have been prescribed a different medication. When you have schizophrenia, you don't just stop taking your medicine and expect everything to be normal. She and James both have a lifelong illness.

"Logan, did Camille say anything about this?" Carlos frowns.

"No, she was too busy yelling at me." Logan says bitterly. I inhale, watching as New Town High are shown. All of them include Jo's character, Rachel. She looks so healthy in these scenes. In reality, she's in the hospital with self inflicted wounds. I feel like calling the hospital and checking on her, but I can't bring myself to do it. Mr. Taylor promised that he would call me when he finds something out.

**"What happened?"**

**"Why did Jo try to kill herself?"**

**"Well, my client has been on medication for schizophrenia for a couple of years now. When she began noticing negative side effects from the medicine, so she decided to stop taking it. However, she soon began to suffer a mental breakdown, which ended in her attempt to take her own life. As of right now, she's in stable condition."**

I breathe a sigh of relief, closing my eyes. I still don't fully understand the situation, but I'm feeling much more calm now that my girlfriend is in stable condition. Although, I'm still contemplating whether or not I should take a plane back to Los Angeles. As her boyfriend, shouldn't I be there to support her? I need to take care of her, don't I?

"Jo's schizophrenic?!"

"Yeah, she's schizophrenic." I bury my face in my hands, groaning. I bury my face in James's shoulder, feeling a slight headache coming on. You know, I just realized another important concern. I've thought about asking Jo to marry me, but I don't know if I can handle having such an unstable person as my wife. I love her, but I don't know if I could handle being married to a schizophrenic.

"Well, that's not so bad." Carlos sounds way too optimistic. "I mean, look at James!"

We all look at our short Latino friend. Jo and James are two different people. Every case is different! James may be recovering from his breakdown, but that doesn't mean that Jo's recovery will be that easy. I'm not saying that it was easy for James, but he has made significant improvement since his meltdown.

**"That was Mr. Kyle Evans speaking about his client, Jo Taylor. On a different note, it was only a month ago that Miss Taylor spoke out in support of James Diamond, who also reportedly battles schizophrenia."**

I look at James again, wondering what he thinks about this. I always find myself thinking about him and what's going through his mind now that his schizophrenia has been stabilized. Does he still have suicidal thoughts? Does he still struggle with paranoia? What does he think about other people with schizophrenia?

"She'll be fine." Mom assures us. Taking in another breath, I try to let her words sink in. Jo will be fine. She has to be fine. I don't think I could stand losing her.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

"Hey, you're back!" Dominique exclaims when I walk through the door. "Did you hear what happened to Jo Taylor?"

"Trust me, I heard." I say tiredly, walking up the stairs. Today has been a really exhausting, stressful day. We're all worried about Jo. Her dad called and said that she'll be in the psych ward for about two weeks, then she'll be let out. She's suppose to get a different medication too, which is good. Her situation has reminded me to _never _try to come off this medication by myself. It can obviously end badly.

"You okay?" Dominique calls out.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I answer, walking into our room. After I get changed into some comfy nightclothes, I decide to lay down for a long nap. This hasn't been an ideal day and it completely wore me out. Yeah, James Diamond needs some serious rest. Hopefully my worries will been relieved once I've gotten some sleep.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"Why didn't James just spend the night?" Carlos questions. "Oh yeah! Because he's too busy with his new girlfriend!"

"She's not his girlfriend." I murmur, looking up at the ceiling. I know he's about to respond, but he doesn't get a chance to because we both get distracted by someone moving around the room. When I sit up, I'm actually not the least bit surprised to find Kendall packing a suitcase. Trust me, I already know what he's thinking.

"You're gonna sneak out and get a plane to Los Angeles, aren't you?" I say flatly.

"Look, when my mom notices that I'm gone, just tell that you don't know where I went." Kendall says as he picks up his suitcase. Rolling my eyes, I lower my head back onto the pillow, grumbling under my breath. I don't really think that it's a good idea to sneak out, but that's his business. I really just wanna get some sleep and, you know, hope that Camille might be ready to talk to me tomorrow.

"Remember, you didn't see me leave." He whispers, carrying his suitcase out of the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, I look over at Carlos, who has already fallen back to sleep. You know, I frequently talking about getting new friends, but I don't think I could live without these dorks. Yes, that includes James.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

"Ugh.." I groan, grabbing my cell phone. Great, Camille texted me. Normally, I would be excited to get a text from her, but we're not exactly on good terms right now. She's mad because I'm staying in Minnesota instead of staying in LA with her. I wonder why she's texting me in the middle of the night.

_Call me tomorrow. I really wanna talk to you._

_XOXO, Camille_

I sigh quietly, sitting my phone back on the bedside table. I guess she has managed to cool down, much to my surprise. I mean, it usually takes her at least two days to calm down after a fight. Maybe Lucy talked to her and convinced her to stop being mad at me. Does she think that I wanna be away from her? Because I don't!

"I wish everything could go back to the way it was before." Carlos says quietly. Hmm, he wasn't asleep after all. "I mean, James barely smiles anymore. He's so serious minded and I don't like it."

"He's been through a lot." I answer. "I think it has really taken a toll on him."

"You've been through a lot too." It's easy to hear the slight edge in his voice. "You've been through hell, but you don't act downright bitter all the time."

I turn onto my other side, so my back is facing him. He doesn't even know how I feel. I don't think anyone knows. My friends and family brag about how strong I am, but they just don't know. The worst part is the way everyone tries to baby me. I already feel bad enough and being treated like a baby just makes it worse.

"Logan?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." I lie, staring at the bruising on my left arm. I wear long sleeves 24/7 these days, just so people don't see the bruises littering my arms. I don't want the whole world to see my injuries, no matter how minor they might seem. They're certainly not "minor" to me.

"You're not, are you?"

"Carlos, I don't wanna talk about this." I whisper, closing my eyes. His frustrated sigh tells me that he would really like for me to talk, but I've already made it clear that I have no interest in having such a discussion. I would prefer to leave it alone and sleep. I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to talk about what happened.

"Good night." He mutters.

"Good night." I say softly, staring at the wall. I don't mean to be so closed off, but I feel like I have no choice. I don't wanna seem weak in front of anyone, especially not the people closest to me. I don't think I could stand that, so I have to be strong no matter how weak I feel inside.

* * *

**Review! :D**


	18. Regret

**Before you read this chapter, I wanna tell you about my BTR VIP experience, which I also posted on Tumblr. Long story short: I went to their soundcheck, I met Logan's mom and sister, I hugged James, he hugged back and asked how I was doing (pretty good, considering I was hugging JAMES MASLOW), I took a picture with the guys, Carlos told me I looked very pretty, Kendall told me I have a very pretty face, and he hugged me. So yeah, it's been two days and I'm still a VERY HAPPY GIRL:D**

* * *

I don't normally get up at three in the morning just to watch old sitcoms, but that's exactly what I'm doing. It feels good to not be plagued by paranoia, hallucinations, and delusions, but I can't really say that I feel good right now. My mom has been looking for a good psychiatrist in Minneapolis, but I desperately wish I could live a life without having to visit mental health professionals and having to take a pill every morning.

After several minutes of sitting on the living room floor, I notice that I'm seriously craving a cigarette. Thankfully, I have a pack with me. So I grab them off the coffee table, get up, walk outside, sit on the patio steps, and light up. My mom hates my smoking habit, but she hasn't exactly tried to stop me either.

"You're not okay, are you? You're making it pretty obvious."

Okay, here's my opinion on Dominique. She's cute, funny, but she can be really invasive and annoying, yet I still manage to like her. The only time she really bothers me is when she tries to butt into my business when I don't want her to. Take now as an example. I'm not really in the mood to talk.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I was having the urge to light something on fire and it was freaking me out." She confesses, sitting beside me. Taking my pack of cigarettes from me, she proceeds to grab my lighter and light the cigarette, then (thankfully) she hands the lighter back to me. A pyromaniac should never be trusted with anything that can be used to start fires.

"So why are you up?"

"Couldn't sleep." I answer nonchalantly. My gosh, why does she care so much about my sleeping habits?

"No, really, what are you doing?"

I sigh impatiently, taking another puff of smoke. Like I really need her trying to pry into my business. We may be roommates, but I think I am entitled to some privacy. I don't ask about her business all the time. Right now, I just wanna sit quietly and smoke my cigarette. I don't need someone bugging me about _why _I'm not in bed.

"Look, I don't think it's really-"

"You need to talk to someone."

"Fine! My friend's girlfriend almost killed herself, my other friend is struggling with his own problems, and I think my other friend might be mad at me, not to mention that I have a mental illness that has ruined my life! My friends probably wouldn't have their problems if it weren't for me."

I don't think Dominique agrees, but I don't care. What I just said is true! If I weren't such a wreck, my friends wouldn't have their problems. I mean, Jo never showed any signs of mental instability until I started having problems! Kendall would probably tell me that it's just a coincidence, but I beg to differ.

"I mean, if I hadn't been such a mess, maybe I could have thought and went with Logan to Rocque Records that day. I could have walked home with him!" I rant. "If I wasn't like this, I wouldn't have went to rehab, I wouldn't have met you, and Carlos wouldn't be mad at me!"

Crap...I shouldn't have said that. The look on Dominique's face tells me all that I need to know. I just messed up BIG TIME. God, why am I so stupid? I need to let her know that...that it's not that I wish I had never met her, but I am losing one of my friends because of how much time I spend with her. Would she be mad if I distanced myself from her? Just a little bit?

"So...that's how you really think about me, huh? Fine." She stands up and puts out her cigarette, storming back into the house. I soon put out my own "cancer stick," as my mom calls them, but I don't bother following Dominique. It would cause an argument, which I really don't feel like doing.

As much as I hate hurting Carlos, I don't wanna hurt Dominique either. So...what did I just do?

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Kendall, you can see her if you'd like." Mr. Taylor says as he exits his daughter's room. Getting out of my seat, I reluctantly approach the door, slowly pushing it open. Jo looks quite tired, but she still manages to beautiful. She's not acknowledging me, though, and it scares me. She usually lights up when she sees me.

"Hey." I say softly, sitting on the mattress. I reach out to touch her hair, but she (strangely) flinches away, as if she doesn't wanna be touched at all. The Jo Taylor I know loves getting hugs and kisses from her boyfriend, but now I can't even lay a hand on her. The most painful part is probably the sense of deja vu that I'm feeling. I've seen this before, when James was admitted to the hospital.

"You have to take your medication." I say, trying to sound gentle. It's hard when I'm so frustrated, though. I mean, two people that I deeply care about have the horrible illness known as schizophrenia. Before James got sick, I haven't really known a whole lot about the illness. Now that I know more about it, I realize that it's a horrible, life ruining situation.

"I just want you to get better, okay?" My eyes begin filling with tears. I'm not a super emotional guy, but some things can get to me. This is one of those situations. If there's anything you should know about me, it's that I don't like seeing anyone suffer, especially not the people I care about.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

**BIG TIME DOWNFALL?**

Grabbing the paper from the newspaper stand, I look at it with horror. Is America's Favorite Boy Band Big Time Done? I can't believe the media is actually saying this! I mean, we're on a hiatus at the moment, but we're certainly not done! Both Griffin and Gustavo have talked about us making a comeback in a few months. I don't know why people are saying BTR is finished!

"Honey, what's wrong?" Mom frowns, touching my shoulder.

"Apparently, BTR is 'big time done'." I mumble bitter, throwing the newspaper back onto the stand. I have gotten to a point where I cannot stand the media. Ever since the news about my breakdown got out, they have done nothing but talk trash about me and the guys. It's really starting to piss me off.

"Baby, it's just a silly tabloid." Mom says, touching my face. I snort, walking ahead of her. She's just trying to make me feel better. Well, it's not gonna work! I don't feel better at all! In fact, I feel worse. Why? Because the word "tabloids" reminds me of the stupid media tormenting me and the guys with their lies.

Anyway, I'm pretty hungry and since there's a sandwich shop nearby, I think this would be a good time to get lunch. So Mom and I walk down the sidewalk until we arrive at Rick's Sub Station, walking into the restaurant. I expect to see customers eating, but that's not all I see. No, Dominique apparently decided to follow _MY friends _here. Worst of all, she's totally hitting on Logan!

"I think smart guys are so sexy." She says in a way so seductive that it disgusts me. I don't know why, but I get the feeling that she has daddy issues. Like, serious daddy issues. In the short time I've known her, I've learned that she's overly flirtatious, clingy, has slept around a lot, and she's way too dependent. Yep, she definitely has daddy issues.

"It sucks that you have all these bruises." She slides her fingers up and down his arm, making me cringe. "I could heal you up _all night long._"

"Okay, what does he have that I don't?" Carlos snaps.

"A brain!" Dominique retorts. I smack my hands to my face, groaning. I hate to be rude and refer to her as a 'slut" or a 'bitch," but she's being both right now. I've never seen her act like this. The minute I say something that upsets her, she decides to find someone else willing to babysit her. Can't she learn to take care of herself?

"What's going on here?" I ask coolly, crossing my arms.

"I'm getting violated." Logan replies as Dominique tries to rub the back of his neck. I roll my eyes, then I reach for Dominique's wrist and I pull her outside, barely hearing Carlos mention something about Mama Knight freaking out about Kendall running off to LA. Oh yeah, Logan did call and mention that Kendall had went to see Jo.

"What the hell are you doing?" I say angrily.

"Apparently, you regret ever meeting me, so I'm just giving you what you wanted."

"You think I want you hitting on my friends?"

"Well, I'm moving on from you and finding someone _better._"

I look at her with disbelief. Moving on from me? We were never even dating! My gosh, is this girl completely delusional?! I thought she was just addicted to fire, but I'm starting to think that's not her only problem. She needs to go back to a psychiatrist and get checked out. After all, she's clearly crazy.

"Dominique, we were never dating in the first place!" I argue.

"Yeah, but you totally wanted me." She answers, making sure her cleavage is visible. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with this girl. I have to share a house with her! I mean, I like her! Really, I do, but she's driving me crazy all over again. She was pretty cool when we were in the hospital together, but she's been acting different since we were released.

"Dominique Cherie Santiago, get this through your thick skull." I bring my face close to hers. "I do not nor will I _ever _'want' you."

"You just keep telling yourself that, pretty boy."

I'm just about to respond when my phone rings. Giving Dominique a dirty look, I answer the call, which is from Kendall. Hmm, I wonder why he's calling me. I thought he would be busy with Jo. I mean, she's seriously ill. I didn't think he'd think about giving me a call, but I'll take it!

"Hello?" I say, yelping when Dominique's foot makes contact with my rear. I shoot her another look, slapping the back of her hand. Then she has the nerve to call me an "abusive bastard." Oh, hell no! "Will you stop that?!"

"Dude?"

"Huh? Oh, right! Hey, what are you up to?" I question.

"Um, I'm sitting by Jo's bed while she sleeps. What about you?"

"Oh, I'm just about to get something to eat at Rick's Sub Station." I respond, pushing Dominique's hand off my shoulder. Finally, she huffs and storms back into the sandwich shop, while I smirk proudly. There's something really entertaining about her when she's mad. I might have to piss her off more often.

"Alright! Hey, Gustavo and Kelly stopped by! They told me that they plan on flying out to Minneapolis soon. Since BTR is on a hiatus, Griffin decided that this would be the perfect opportunity for all Rocque Records employees to get a little break."

"That's cool." I say, turning to look through the window. Now Dominique and Carlos are arguing. Oh, this is embarrassing. It's a good thing that I'm wearing sunglasses and a hoodie today. I really didn't wanna go anywhere today, considering the scandal surrounding BTR, but Mom came over and practically forced me to get dressed. Thanks a lot, mother.

"Yeah, I just wanted to let you know." Kendall states. "Also, I'm probably gonna fly back out there in a few days."

"Okay." I answer softly before hanging up. Inhaling, I run my hands through my hair before pulling my hood over my head. Right now, the last thing I want is to be seen.

* * *

**Review! :D**


	19. Discovered

**This chapter gets pretty intense and dramatic toward the end! :O**

* * *

**Kelly's POV**

"Thank you for the Raddison Plaza!" I cheerfully exclaim as Gustavo and I enter the fancy hotel. The Raddison Plaza is my favorite hotel in Minneapolis. It's the perfect place to stay while on a vacation! I don't think Gustavo is thrilled about having to take time off, but I'm pretty darn happy that Griffin decided to give us a break!

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." My "lovely" boss says, going to the front desk. While he's taking care of that, I'll just relax and read a magazine. Of course, I'd rather not read any BTR related news. Lately, it just seems like people only wanna criticize those poor boys. If I could do anything to stop the gossip, I would do it!

**James Diamond Sighting: Troubled Singer Reportedly Seen Shopping In Downtown Minneapolis**

Huh?! In a panic, I grab the latest issue of Pop Tiger, staring at the cover. My eyes widen with horror as I read the headline. Okay, how is James gonna get better if people are watching his every move? I mean, he came here to get out of the spotlight, but if his location has been revealed to the public, he'll continue to be harassed.

"Um, Gustavo?" I laugh anxiously, waving the magazine.

"What?!" He snaps.

"We have a tiny problem." I say, staring at the cover. James deserves privacy while he's recovering, but the media couldn't have the decency to give him that? I may work in show business, but even I hate the media sometimes. They just don't seem to really care about how their actions can affect a person. Celebrities are human beings too, you know?

"Ugh, hold on." Gustavo tells the manager, storming over to me. "Kelly..."

"Look at this." I sigh, handing him the magazine. For a moment, he's strangely silent, much to my confusion. Okay, look, here's my opinion on the situation. Pop Tiger and all the other celebrity news magazines need to leave people's personal lives alone. It's like they're almost completely heartless! I mean, James has a mental illness for God's sake!

"Okay, so they know where he is?" Gustavo whispers harshly.

"Someone must have gotten a picture of him." I say, pointing to the picture of James walking with his mom. If it weren't for the situation, I would be thinking about how sweet it is that he spends time with his mom. Before he entered treatment, he wouldn't let anyone in because he was so paranoid.

"Okay, I need to get us checked in, then we're going to visit the dog and WARN HIM!" Gustavo storms back to the desk, clearly annoyed. Burying my face in my hands, I heave a sigh, really starting to get sick and tired of all this garbage. I know it's not James's fault that he's sick, but I have to admit that things have changed since his breakdown. I'm a calm and professional woman, but I don't know how much more of this I can take.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

"I hope Kendall will be here soon." Carlos says, looking at his text messages. Logan and I don't say much in response, instead choosing to keep our eyes glued to the TV. It's in the middle of the afternoon and we're both tired, so we're not feeling very talkative. I also have the Dominique situation to worry about. Every since our little disagreement a few days ago, she has hardly looked at me!

"You boys need to cheer up." Mom sits a plate of pizza bagels on the coffee table. I grab one for myself, mumbling a soft "thanks." I can't say that I slept so great last night. I was thinking a lot about the future of Big Time Rush. Is there a future for us? Will BTR ever make a comeback? If not, what will I do with my life? Being a singer is all I ever wanted. If that dream fails, what else do I have?

"Hey, I hear a piano." Logan frowns. Sure enough, someone is playing the piano upstairs. This halfway house has a music room, which is really cool. I haven't used it a whole lot, but I've been thinking about writing some music. You know, just in case BTR _does _make that comeback. Besides, I need a healthy way to rant about my problems.

"Probably Dominique." Just as I'm about to go and check, Carlos grabs my wrist, urging me to follow him into the kitchen. Reluctantly, I do so, wondering what he's about to say. I'm almost expecting him to start yelling at me, but this is Carlos we're talking about. He's not the type to scream at someone when he's mad.

"Why haven't you and Dominique been talking?" He asks suspiciously.

"Look, I've been distancing myself from her because I don't wanna ruin my friendship with you." I explain. "Sure, I like her, but our friendship is way more important."

I think Carlos is deeply confused. I don't know why because he did seem mad about me getting so close with Dominique. I stopped spending so much time with her because I thought Carlos would be happy, but he only looks confused. I really don't understand why. I hope he'll explain his confusion.

"Okay, I'm not mad that you made new friends." He finally starts. "I just don't want you to forget about your best friends since Kindergarten. I was just worried that you like Dominique more than us, but I'm not saying that you shouldn't have other friends."

My eyes soften upon hearing his explanation. I guess that makes sense. I should spend more time with him and the guys, but that doesn't mean that I can't make room for Dominique. In fact, maybe I could give equal time to both. Maybe, when I'm with the guys, I could invite Dominique to join us.

"You really thought that I was mad at you for having a new friend?"

"Well, you've kind of been giving me the cold shoulder." I remind him.

"I'm not mad at you." Carlos assures me. "You can be friends with Dominique. Just promise that you'll still spend enough time with us, okay?"

"Okay," I smile. "I promise."

Just as we're about to do a man hug, the front door bursts open. When we return to the living room, Gustavo and Kelly are standing in the doorway, looking terribly freaked out for whatever reason. Then I notice the cover on the magazine that Kelly is holding. NO! Oh no, this is bad. Apparently, the media knows where I am!

"W-what is that?" I stutter.

"Well..." Kelly hesitates. "Someone got a picture of you in Minneapolis, sold it to the tabloids, and now everyone knows that you're...here."

I feel like my breath was just knocked out of me. I came to Minneapolis to recover privately, but that's gonna be impossible if people know I'm here. I knew that going out would be a bad idea, but Mom insisted on getting me out of the house. If I had stayed at home, this wouldn't be happening!

"James?" Carlos asks timidly. For some reason, I can't breathe. Even when I try, it's a struggle. After another moment of staring at the cover, I spin around and run to the restroom, not giving it a second thought as I grab my medication.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"He's been in there a long time." Mrs. Diamond sounds terribly worried.

"I'll check on him." I murmur, walking toward the restroom. When I knock on the door, James doesn't answer, and that's when I become worried. Frowning, I twist the doorknob, relieved that it's not locked. What I see isn't what I expected at all. James...laying on the floor...unconscious...an empty bottle of pills laying beside him.

"James!" I yell, dropping beside him. "Jay, what did you do?!"

"Logan!" Carlos shouts. "What's going on?"

Seconds later, he's standing in the doorway with Gustavo, Kelly, and Mrs. Diamond behind him. As soon as Mrs. Diamond sees her son, she burst into tears, cupping her hands over her mouth. Kelly is already dialing 911, thankfully. All I can do is place James's head on my lap, while Carlos holds his hand.

"What did he do?!" Carlos cries.

"He overdosed on his meds." I whisper, tears filling my eyes. James looks so lifeless, so different than he looked just a few minutes ago. I can only listen as Carlos and Mrs. Diamond whisper to him, watching as his mom kisses his hand. He never responds, though. The scariest part? He barely has a pulse.

"Jay, why would you do this?" Carlos pleads.

"Hey, what's going-" Dominique stops in her tracks when she first sees James laying on the floor. She drops the glass of sweet tea that she was holding, but none of us acknowledge the mess. To our surprise, she doesn't hesitate to join us on the floor, pleading with James to wake up.

"The ambulance will be here in ten minutes." Kelly says after hanging up.

"Just hang in there, okay?" I whisper to James, wrapping my arms around him. I don't know who revealed his location to the press, but when I find out, they're gonna be sorry. I'll make sure that they're _very _sorry for invading my best friend's privacy.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Young man, I don't know what you were thinking when you picked up and left!" Mom scolds as she parks the car in front of James and Dominique's halfway house. I almost respond, then Katie and I notice the ambulance...and the familiar figure being wheeled out of the house on a stretcher. I shake my head, immediately jumping out of the vehicle.

"What happened?!" I yell as soon as I see Carlos and Logan.

"Someone revealed James's location and he tried to overdose." Logan answers anxiously. I shake my head again, following the paramedics to the ambulance. James is wearing a breathing mask and his eyes are closed. He doesn't even seem to be aware of his surroundings. Okay, this isn't what I expected to see upon returning.

"Is he gonna be okay?" I ask desperately.

"We're gonna do the best we can." One of the guys assures me. I almost cry as he gets into the back with James, while another paramedic shuts the doors before getting in the driver's seat. I just don't understand why this is happening. Who would disrespect James's privacy like that? People are aware that he's recovering from a mental illness. They should know that he wouldn't respond well to his hiding place being revealed to the public.

"You better save him!" Dominique yells at the disappearing ambulance. In need of some comfort, I join Carlos and Logan in a group hug, barely hearing Kelly tell us about getting in the rental van. As of right now, I'm terrified to set foot in a hospital. That's saying something, considering I'm not usually scared of very many things.

"I guess the media will blab about this too." Logan says bitterly, throwing a rock across the lawn before storming into the house. I can't bring myself to follow him, though. Right now, Carlos and I are both near tears. If James survives, where will he go? He can't stand in Minneapolis unless he wants to be hounded by photographers and critics, which I know he doesn't.

"God," I whisper to the sky. "Please save him."

* * *

**If you wanna see my Meet and Greet pic with BTR, go to iheartlogiebear24seven . tumblr . com (without the spaces)**

**Now, please review this chapter! :D**


	20. Broken

**Camille's POV**

I promise I'm not the kind of girl that stalks my boyfriend. However, I am pretty upset that Logan won't be returning to LA anytime soon, so I decided to visit him. Since I'm in Minneapolis, I'm just gonna stop by James's place and see how he's doing. Logan gave me the address and it wasn't too hard to find.

Anyway, on the way over here, I expected to see James, but there doesn't seem to be anyone at home. There's just a girl with wavy brown hair sitting on the steps, looking distracted for whatever reason. I'm assuming that this is Dominique, James's new friend that Logan told me about. Carlos apparently doesn't like her and I don't think Logan does either, just because she supposedly flirted with him the other day.

"You must be Dominique." I say, still frowning about James's absence. "Where's James?"

"He's at the hospital." Dominique answers. "Apparently, someone told the media where he is. He freaked out and attempted to overdose."

"What?!" I yell. I can't believe this! I haven't been paying much attention to the tabloids lately, so I wasn't aware that someone had revealed James's location. Now that Dominique has told me, I'm both worried and angry. I wish I could find whoever blabbed and pound them into a pulp. Hey, I may be tiny, but I can fight!

"Hey, you're Camille Roberts, right?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm a huge fan of Magic Middle School."

"Cool." I say breathlessly. "Hey, we should get to the hospital. You know, because I really wanna make sure that James is okay."

When we're both in the car, I put the key in the ignition and start the engine, trying to focus on driving, but a big part of my mind focused on James. All I can really do is pray to God that my friend will be okay. _God, please save him._

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"Did you talk to him?" Mama Knight asks when James's mom returns to the waiting room.

"Well, I talked, but he wouldn't say anything." Mrs. Diamond sounds terribly sad. As stubborn and frightening as she can be sometimes, I feel bad for her. When I look at Kendall and Logan, I can tell that they're thinking the same thing. Maybe we can get James to open up and actually talk. We've always been able to get through to him, so I don't see why we couldn't do it this time.

Together, we get up and begin walking down the hallway to James's room. After pumping his stomach, the doctors determined that he'll be fine. He didn't swallow enough pills to inflict any serious damage. Words can't even describe how relieved I am. I don't know what I'd do if James died or had to live with health problems caused by a suicide attempt.

"Guys!"

We immediately turn around when we hear Camille's voice.

"Cam, what are you doing here?" Logan reaches for her shoulders.

"I wanted to see you, but I stopped by James's house and Dominique told me what happened! Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine." Kendall nods. "Physically, at least. We aren't so sure about his mental state, but we're about to find out."

"Oh...well, let me know how it goes." Camille responds. "I'll be in the waiting room."

I sigh as she and Logan share a gentle kiss. It's moments like this that make me wish I had a girlfriend. Logan has a girlfriend, Kendall has a girlfriend, and James can get just about any girl he wants, then there's me. Carlos Garcia, the cute but single one. Anyway, I guess that shouldn't be my top priority right now. No, I need to focus on James and his well being.

When we make it to James's room, we are reluctant to enter, but we do it anyway. He's wearing a black South Pole hoodie that his mom brought, but he still doesn't look comfortable. He's hooked up to an IV and I don't think he's enjoying that very much. I know I wouldn't like it!

"Hey, buddy." Kendall whispers gently, sitting on the bed.

"Why didn't you people let me die?"

"Because we don't wanna lose you." I join Kendall on the mattress. reaching for James's hand. He can't possibly know what he's saying, right? Why would he ask such a question? We didn't let him die because he love him and we care about him and our hearts would be broken if he died. If I lost James, I'd probably sink so far into depression that I'd end up committing suicide myself.

"They know where I am." He whispers. "I won't be able to leave the house without someone harassing me."

"Hey," Logan says gently. "We'll figure something out, okay? We'll move somewhere else. Your mom has even talked about us all moving to Colorado and getting a nice, big cabin in the mountains. It's much more private. The guys and I think it would be a good thing for all of us, especially you."

I don't know how to describe James's expression. He looks completely broken and, honestly, it scares me. I can't stop comparing life before and life after James's schizophrenia first appeared. He was such a happy and normal guy, but now every day is a struggle for him. It's not just hard on him either. Earlier, I heard Mrs. Diamond saying how she wishes that she could hold his hand and honestly say that everything will be okay, but that she would be lying if she said that. Why? Because she doesn't know that anything will ever be okay.

"I just want it to end. I...I _want _to _die_, but no one will let me. If I were gone, everything would be so much better for everyone." He says in a low whisper. His tone is dark and cold. It's scares me. I don't see James Diamond anymore. I see a stranger in his place. I don't like this stranger. I want my buddy back.

"Jay, don't say that." Kendall pleads, squeezing his shoulder.

"Look, I'm really tired, okay?" He turns onto his other side, his back facing us. "I just wanna be left alone."

"Okay, buddy." I nod sadly, looking at Kendall and Logan. As much as we hate to leave him alone, we don't wanna upset him, but we do as he asked, turning around and quietly exiting his room.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

The day seems to go by at a ridiculously slow pace. Before I know it, midnight is almost here. Of course, I'm alone. Everyone else went home for the night, so my only company is the nurses. That's not the company that I'd prefer, though. Their job is to wake me up from my naps to check my vitals. It gets on my nerves.

"Why would you do it?"

Dominique is standing in the doorway, looking far from happy. It seems like everyone is upset these days. The worst part is that it's all because of me. I'm the cause of their misery and stress. If I could make things better, I would, but I don't know how I can do that. I guess I'm pretty much useless, since I haven't done anything helpful.

"James, don't even think about pretending that you don't know what I'm talking about!"

"I tried to kill myself because I can't take it anymore!" I snap, running my hands through my hair. I don't understand why I seem to get so easily upset these days. I use to be a pretty calm and collected guy, but now it seems like the silliest things can set me off. It's like I'm not even me anymore. If I'm not me, who have I become?

"Couldn't take what anymore? The paparazzi? The criticism? The haters? The rumors? Is that it?"

"What do you think?" I ask through my teeth. I know I'm acting like a jerk, but I'm at a point where I don't even care. I could be dead right now, but instead I'm here, forced to deal with my problems. No one seems to get that! They're all happy that I'm alive, but they don't understand how hard living is for me.

"Look, if you couldn't handle that stuff, you shouldn't have gotten into show business." Dominique says bluntly. I know you shouldn't hit a woman, but I'm reconsidering that rule right now. Seriously, she's getting on my nerves.

"It was my dream, okay? I have wanted to be a musician ever since I was a kid! I didn't know that my life would end up like this!" I retort angrily.

"Being crazy and having a father that didn't care to visit his suicidal son in the hospital?"

Silence follows. I can see that Dominique regrets what she just said, but that doesn't matter to me. Whether she feels bad or not, she still said it. Having schizophrenia doesn't make me crazy. As for my dad, I don't need Dominique reminding me about how neglectful he can be. Yeah, he spend a majority of my treatment with me in San Antonio, but he still isn't very attentive. I don't need someone throwing that in my face.

"James-"

"Crazy? Yeah, says the fire starter." My voice is full of bitterness. I don't care, though. I _feel _bitter and I think I have every right to be.

"You know what? I'm done with you." With that, she storms out of the room, much to my relief. If she had stayed and kept the argument going, I probably would go crazy. At this moment, I only feel sick to my stomach. Oh, and I've got a pretty nasty headache, all thanks to Dominique and her loud mouth ways.

"Are you okay, hon?"

"Mom?" My voice cracks. "Please hold me."

She hurries to my side and lays beside me, pulling me into a hug just as I burst into tears.

* * *

**Thinking about changing my FFnet profile picture to my BTR meet and greet pic:) I just love that picture sooo much!**

**Review! :D**


	21. Forgiven

**Logan's POV**

"Is your mom okay with you being out this late?"

"She's been kind of paranoid since...well, you know." I say carefully as we walk down the sidewalk. "But she's okay with it as long as I have someone with me."

"Right, because-" Camille suddenly comes to a stop, releasing my hand. I can tell that she's looking at something, so I'm interested in seeing what it is. When I actually do figure it out, I'm pretty confused at first. Dominique is standing on the side of the road, dressed in short shorts and a cropped tank top (seriously, she looks like a skank), and talking to some guy in a sports car.

"I think she's drunk." I whisper, noticing the way she's laughing and barely standing. I shake my head when the car's driver pushes the passenger's side door open, giving Dominique a silent invite. What is she thinking? I could be wrong, but I'm pretty certain that she doesn't know who this guy is.

"Do you have her number?"

"Yeah..."

"Text her!"

Taking out my cell phone, I prepare to send her a strongly worded text messages. I've always felt that she was a little on the wild side, but this is a side of her that I've never seen before. I thought she was only a pyromaniac with a minor addiction to nicotine. I didn't think she was the type to get drunk and go home with random men.

_To Dominique: What the hell are you doing?! Get out of there!_

_To Logan: You spying on me, Mitchell?_

_To Dominique: No, I was taking a walk with my girlfriend. We just happened to catch you getting into that guy's car! How old is he anyway?_

_To Logan: He's thirty five, jackass!_

_To Dominique: You're eighteen, for God's sake! _

_To Logan: Do me a favor and go take care of James. I'll take care of MYSELF._

She doesn't respond anymore after that. I don't understand why she's acting like this. I know she and James had a fight earlier, but I don't see why that would cause her to act out like this. It's immature and stupid! I mean, hooking up with older guys just because you got into a fight with a friend? It just doesn't make sense!

"Just how stupid can someone get?!" Camille explains. I don't say anything, but I'm thinking the exact same thing. I'm sorry, but this behavior just makes Dominique look trashy. I wonder how James would feel if he knew about this. I'm almost tempted to tell him, but his emotions are kind of fragile at the moment. I wouldn't wanna upset him.

"You know, it's her life." I take her hand, continuing our romantic stroll. Although, the romance level has gone down since we're both concerned about what we just witnessed.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

**"James Diamond is making headlines once again after a reported suicide attempt!"**

This...is...so...humiliating. Is the media ever gonna back off? Probably not! Why? Because all they care about is making a quick buck. Since I'm too lazy to grab the remote, I'll have to wait for someone else to turn the TV off. All I can really do is lay here and try to ignore it. Maybe a nurse will show up soon.

Knock! Knock!

Dad is standing in the doorway. I don't know if I really want him here, but I can't bring myself to make him leave. I just watch quietly as he walks into my room, closing my eyes as he sits in the chair by my bed. I'm really too tired to deal with this, so I'll probably just take a nap. If he wants to sit here and pretend that he cares, then so be it.

"How are you feeling, bud?"

"Tired." I whisper, keeping my eyes closed.

"I think your mom's gonna get you something from the cafeteria."

"Great, I'm starving." I murmur, slowly opening my eyes. I grab my phone off the bedside table, checking my text messages. Emily just texted me to say that she finally left the hospital. I haven't heard from her, Craig, and Madilyn ever since Dominique and I were released. Luckily, we all exchanged phone numbers so we can keep in touch.

"Honey, I brought you-" Mom becomes silent when she sees Dad, inhaling as she hands mea slice of cheese pizza on a plate. Quietly thanking her, I take a small bite, wondering how much longer it'll be before my parents start going at it. They use to fight all the time, so I wouldn't be surprise if another argument happens.

"Anyway, Logan and Camille are in the lobby." She tells me. "Logan said that he saw Dominique getting into a random sports car."

I am certain that my eyes have darkened with anger. Every time I think about what she said, my skin feels like it's burning up, but that doesn't mean that I want her doing anything stupid. Getting into some random guy's sports car? What is she thinking? Should I get someone to get her out of whatever trouble she's getting into?

"Mom, do they know where she is?"

"They don't know, sweetie." Mom says gently, running her fingers through my hair. I clench my jaw, trying to stay as calm as possible. Doesn't Dominique realize how stupid she's being? Of course, it's her life and if she wants to screw it up, fine! I can't control what she does, even though I care about her.

"I'm sure she'll be okay." Dad assures me, squeezing my shoulder. I scoff, looking up at the ceiling. Okay? Things haven't been "okay" in a really long time.

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

"Baby, you should stay for a while." Jeff says, reaching for my hand.

"No thanks, dude." I laugh, pulling away. Waving at him, I walk out the door, ready to get a ride home. There is a part of me that feels like returning to the hospital, but I'm in no mood to deal with James. Besides, he probably doesn't even wanna see me. I mean, I did screw up pretty badly. I guess I don't really deserve any positive attention from him.

"Dominique!"

To my own confusion, I don't end up getting a cab home. Instead, I end up walking back to the hospital, unlike what I had originally planned. Hesitantly, I walk through the double doors, looking around the quiet lobby. Thank God that I'm wearing a jacket because I would look like a cheap whore if I didn't. Strutting around in tiny shorts and a cropped tank top wouldn't be such a good idea.

"I see you finished screwing around." Logan calls out.

"I'm not in the mood." I grumble, walking past him. I take the elevator up to James's floor, but I don't go to his room. Instead, I sit in an empty waiting room, in desperate need of some rest. I feel so dirty and worthless. A guy like James would never want someone like me. I mean, he's the perfect guy, while I'm just a trashy girl that plays with fire.

"I'm not judging or anything, but I'd like to know why you became a thirty five year old man's play toy tonight."

"Camille, I'm not in the mood." I say bitterly. "And we didn't do anything. We just made out."

"Okay then, but still, there is a guy in that room over there that needs you." Camille reminds me. "I don't know much about you, but I know that you were the shoulder James leaned on while in treatment."

I think back to the time James and I spent in the hospital together. He was so closed off at the time and I was the only one that he would open up to. I guess I've betrayed him by acting like such a jerk. If I could hold his hand and tell him how sorry I am, I would, but I don't think he would accept an apology from me.

"He's hurting and he needs someone that understands him." Camille continues. "We all love him and wanna help him, but you're the only one that really knows what he's going through."

"Mental illness." I reply sarcastically. "What a great thing for us to have in common."

"Mental illness doesn't define who you are. You know that, right? I mean, Jo has battled schizophrenia for years, but she's a famous actress and has millions of fans that adore her."

I scoff at the reminder. Last time I checked, Jo was in the hospital after a mental breakdown. She's clearly not having as much success as Camille thinks. Sure, there have been mentally ill people that have lived happy, fulfilling lives, but that doesn't mean that their lives are easy. Just take James and Jo as an example! Both have schizophrenia, both are famous, but both are in the hospital after attempting suicide.

"Do me a favor and don't talk about things that you know _nothing _about." I push past her, desperately needing some peace and quiet. I can only hope that James will eventually forgive me for being so horrible toward him. What I said was incredibly hurtful, but I never meant it. I would _never _intentionally do anything to hurt him. I just hope he knows that.

* * *

**Back James's POV**

_Can we talk?_

Without giving it a second thought, I send the text to Dominique. Our argument was stupid! I care way too much about her to let her be "done" with me. Besides, I don't think she meant anything she said. I've had some time to think about our argument and I've realized that it was ridiculous, stupid, and immature.

_To James: Look at the doorway;)_

When I look toward the entrance to my room, Dominique is standing there with her phone in her hand. Smiling, I hold out my arms, waiting for her to give him a big hug. Sure enough, she hurries toward me, climbing onto the bed and tightly wrapping her arms around my , this is how it should be.

"I'm sorry." She whispers in my ear.

"I'm sorry too." I answer, my arms tightening around her. "Let's never fight again."

Dominique nods, gently kissing my cheek. For the first time in a while, I feel a sense of peace. Of course, I'm still worried about the media, but I have my friends and family. They'll surely protect me.

Well, I hope.

* * *

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	22. Love

**Happy 4th Of July, my lovely readers! :)**

* * *

**James's POV**

"Do you realize how silly that looks?" I laugh, looking at Dominique's oversized Spongebob tee shirt and bright yellow Spongebob cap. I guess she's trying to entertain me while I'm trapped in the hospital. I'm suppose to be released tomorrow, but that seems so far away from now. Anyway, seeing Dominique dressed like a five year old is pretty amusing.

"It's a free country!" She retorts, sitting next to my bed. I chuckle, glancing over at the clock. It's 6:45 in the evening and I've spent the majority of the day being bored out of my mind. Thanks to Dominique and her random fashion choices. She usually dresses in typical bad girl fashion (leather jackets, tee shirts, tight jeans, and whatnot), but sometimes she'll dress like _this _for no reason.

"It may be a free country, but-"

"You shut up!"

I roll my eyes, reaching for the TV remote. To our amusement, Nickelodeon is having a Spongebob Squarepants marathon. Now I can look at her and laugh even harder, even when she shoots me a dirty look. She finally just rolls her eyes and crawls onto my hospital bed, snuggling against me.

"Have you eaten anything today? I can feel your ribs." She runs her fingers along my ribcage in a strangely sensual way.

"Yeah, but the food sucks so I couldn't finish it."

"Is there anything you actually like?"

"Well, the pizza and chicken nuggets are decent, but everything else-" I frown as she gets off the bed and walks toward the door, eyeing her curiously. Sometimes she's worse than my own mom when it comes to babying me. If I look too thin or I seem tired, she's always absolutely determined to fix that.

"So you're just gonna leave me alone in here?"

"Don't be such a baby, James Diamond."

I give her a sarcastic smile as she leaves, sticking my tongue out when her back is turned. Some might say that it's childish, but when have I ever cared about acting any other way? I'll act grown up when I'm ready to act grown up. As of right now, I'd rather behave like a fourteen year old in an eighteen year old's body. Doesn't bother me!

Gosh, I'm bored. It's a good thing that Mom brought my laptop, just for moments like this. Grabbing it from the bedside table, I click into the internet and go straight to Youtube. Sometimes I like to watch BTR's music videos and whatnot. Of course, just as I click on Music Sounds Better With U, I catch Dominique's name in the list of recommended videos. It's a music video for a cover of Made In The USA.

I can't resist clicking on it and when I do, I don't regret it. Although, I do feel a bit guilty for some reason. Dominique's voice is _really _good, though! It's a mixture of Demi Lovato and Kelly Clarkson, which is cool because I am a fan of both. Anyway, why do I feel like it's wrong to be watching this? Maybe because I'm seeing a side of her that I shouldn't be seeing? She portrays herself as being so hard core, but she looks so sweet and innocent in this video. What happened to this girl?

Knock! Knock!

"Come in!"

Gustavo awkwardly clears his throat. "I...I just thought I would...stop by."

"That's fine." I shrug. "Hey, do you remember this girl?"

Gustavo huffs, glaring at the computer screen. Okay, I know she nearly burnt Rocque Records down, but I see no need for anyone to hold grudges. "Oh, I remember her alright. She almost destroyed my studio! I can't believe I ever considered making a star out of her!"

"Gustavo, stop being a stubborn jerk for once and watch the video!"

Gustavo falls silent, watching the video. I smile proudly, looking at him. Now that she has gotten help for her compulsive fire setting, maybe he might consider resigning her to the label? Why would he give up the chance to work with a talent like Dominique? Besides, Griffin has been talking about how Rocque Records needs a "bad girl" and Dominique certainly has that quality!

"Come on, man, she's better now." I assure him. "I think she deserves another chance."

"I'll consider it, _dog_, but no promises!" He storms out of the room, grumbling under his breath. Smiling proudly, I return to watching videos. This video is on Dominique's "secret" Youtube channel, so she surely has other videos, right? Now that I've seen this one, I'm curious to see what else she's done.

"Hey, Gus!" Dominique calls out.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"He's so temperamental." Dominique laughs, handing me a plate of chicken nuggets and a Coke. Thanking her, I shut my laptop off and put back where it was, giving my new friend a grin as I enjoy my evening meal.

* * *

"There is the loveliest two story cabin in the Rocky Mountains!" Mom exclaims as she parks in front of the halfway house. "It would be perfect for you and your friends! I think you kids deserve some privacy and you clearly won't be able to get it around here."

"I'll have to agree with you." I say as I get out of the van.

"James, go inside while I speak with Dominique." Mom instructs. Frowning, I do as she says, entering the living room. "Now, Dominique, I _know _what you did the other night. I mean, screwing around with a man more than ten years older than you! If you and my son are gonna live together, I better hear that you have more class than that!"

"Excuse me? Believe it or not, _Brooke_, you're not the only one that cares about James! Yeah, I screwed up the other night, but I didn't do anything with that guy. I was upset and I ended up going over to his place for a bit, but we didn't do anything! I mean, get that through your thick skull!"

SMACK!

My eyes widen with horror as Mom slaps my friend across the face. Dominique looks positively horrified and I'm burning with anger. Okay, I love my mom, but she has no right to lay a hand on one of my best friends. I mean, how could she do that?!

"What the hell?!" I snap as I storm outside. "Mom, what was that?"

"She needs to learn respect." Mom sounds so self righteous that it's ridiculous.

"Just leave."

"What? James, I am your mother-"

"GET OUT!"

Without saying another word, I take Dominique into our home, making sure to lock the door. I didn't think that my mom was the type to behave like this, but I was apparently very wrong. How will I be able to look at her the same ever again? It'll be hard since I witnessed her _hitting _Dominique. I'm sorry, but that's the truth.

"Your mom can be a real witch, you know that?" Dominique points out.

"I wouldn't say that, but she can be a pain." I grab an ice pack from the refrigerator, placing it on her cheek. I'm not gonna report my mom for assault, but I'll definitely be giving her the cold shoulder for a while. I'm not siding with anyone and I understand why she was upset about Dominique's behavior, but slapping someone isn't the way to express your concerns.

"Giving her a nice middle finger for me, would ya?"

"I'm not gonna give my mom the middle finger." I laugh. She gives me a look and I grin, holding the ice pack against her cheek. She flinches lightly and I shush her, letting her hold the pack herself, while I wrap two protective arms around her body. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just might be falling for her.

* * *

**Jo's POV**

"Jett, do you plan on leaving anytime soon?" I ask impatiently.

"Nope! Your dad went to the store and told me to keep an eye on you."

I glare at him, my arms crossed. I'm gonna be stuck in this hospital for several more days until I am deemed ready for release, which really sucks. Even worse, Jett won't leave me alone. I cut my freaking wrists and he still thinks I'm the hottest thing alive. I don't know what's wrong with that boy's eyes.

"Hey, don't take your anger out on me! Although, you do look beautiful when you're mad."

"Jett, why do you find every single thing I do attractive?" I question. I'm just curious, you know? In his eyes, it seems like I can do no wrong. He seems to get that people make mistakes, which is nice. I need someone that can be understanding. It's weird, though, because Jett has always seemed so self absorbed.

"Because you're perfect."

"I'm a freaking loon, Stetson." I argue. "When I don't take my special medicine, I hear voices and think that people are out to get me, not to mention that I tried to kill myself."

The reminder doesn't seem to bother him at all. I really don't understand this guy. He's the most self centered person at the Palm Woods, yet he's also the least judgmental when it comes to my screw ups. I've been trying hard to figure that out, but I can't. Jett Stetson is a hard person to figure out.

"In my eyes, you're perfect."

Well, that's nice to hear, but it also reminds me of something. Why doesn't Kendall ever say things like that?

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

"I bet you wish you looked like Tom Cruise, huh?"

"Mean!" I gasp, while Dominique laughs at my expense.

"Hey, I'm not saying that you're not attractive!"

"Still!"

I feign taking offense, storming to the kitchen. I grab a bottle of Coke from the fridge, taking a sip of the liquid. Mom is always saying that I shouldn't drink so much soda, but I rarely listen to her when she complains about my diet. I work out a lot, so I can pretty much eat whatever I want and not gain weight. Mother doesn't seem to understand that.

"By the way, I told Gustavo to consider resigning you to Rocque Records!"

"James, you didn't!"

"Just consider it!"

"Fine!" Dominique smacks her hands to her face, groaning. If I were her, I'd be thrilled that my best friend convinced my former producer to resign me. When someone has talent, they shouldn't let it go to waste. That's why I wanna help Dominique revive her failed music career...and make sure that she doesn't light anymore recording studios on fire.

Riiiiing!

"JAMES, PHONE!"

"You're closer to it!" I complain, returning to the living room. Lightly tapping the back of her head, I grab the home phone, looking at the caller ID. What the hell? Why is the hospital calling? I'm almost scared to answer, but I know I'll go insane if I don't. So, although reluctant, I press the talk button.

"H-hello?"

* * *

**Oooh, a cliffhanger! :O What happened? Any guesses?**

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	23. Heartbreak

Mom was in a car accident. That's what the phone call said. The person on the other line informed me that she had been driving through an intersection and an eighteen wheeler ran a red light. My next door neighbor gladly allowed Dominique to borrow her car, so we're on our way to the hospital right now. I wish we weren't though.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." My voice shakes. When Dominique sees that it's safe, she pulls over and I jump out of the car, dropping to my knees and emptying my stomach. Only a moment later, Dominique is kneeling beside me and rubbing my back. The last thing I said to Mom was "get out." If she dies, I'll have to live knowing that the last thing I did was kick her off my property, instead of saying "I love you."

"She'll be okay." Dominique whispers gently, stroking my hair. I gasp as I finish throwing up, collapsing into her arms. As much as I hate to say this, I have a bad feeling about what's gonna happen when we get to the hospital. I don't know why, but I feel like I won't be getting any good news.

"Come on, let's go."

I allow Dominique to help me back into the passenger's seat, then she gets behind the wheel. With one hand on the wheel, she takes my hand in her other one. All I can do, however, is try my best to hold back my tears.

The ride to the hospital seems to last forever, but we finally get there. However, it takes a few minutes before I feel ready to set foot in the hospital. Dominique holds my hand as we approach the front door, pushing it open and entering the building. What I see when I first enter the waiting room is far from what I was hoping for.

Logan and Carlos's moms are crying, my dad appears to be on the verge of tears, and everyone else looks heartbroken. Katie is asleep in Mama Knight's arms, but she is soon handed over to Kendall so Mama Knight can walk over to me. I don't know what to say, mostly because I'm scared to say anything at all.

"Honey, you should sit down for this." She leads me over to a chair and sits beside me. "After that truck hit your mom, she was...she was killed almost instantly."

And there it is. The news that I was dreading to hear. Even worse, I can sense that there's more to the story. As I prepare for the rest, tears begin rolling down my face.

"The driver was...Chris Mitchell." Mama Knight adds, glancing sympathetically at Logan. I look at him as well, more tears trickling down my cheeks. Chris Mitchell...that's Logan's estranged dad. I know it's him because we all know that Logan's dad has a job that involves him driving an eighteen wheeler. Come to think of it, that's pretty much the only thing we know about him.

"I've gotta get out of here." I stumble out of the waiting room, needing to get as far away from Logan as possible. I know it's not his fault and I'm certainly not blaming him for this, but now that I know the driver was his father, I'm gonna see that man's face every time I'm near Logan. Oh my God, I'm freaking out.

"James!"

"What?!" I yell, whipping around to face Logan.

"My dad..he died too, you know." He says, wiping tears from his own face. "The accident killed him too."

"Good." I say through my teeth.

"Okay, I'm just as mad at him as you are, but I don't think we should be _happy _that he's dead." Logan's face doesn't just show sympathy anymore. Now I can see a hint of anger in his eyes. I'm not saying that I don't feel bad that he lost his father, but why does he care so much? His dad has never even been there for him!

"Logan, I never told my mom that I loved her. Instead, I kicked her off my property because she slapped Dominique for behaving like trash!" I snap.

"Wow, some son you are." Logan says bitterly. "Maybe if you hadn't done that, maybe she and my dad would both be alive right now."

And that's what pushes me to my limit. Without a second thought, I raise my fist and punch him _hard. _He looks like a kicked puppy at first, but he doesn't stay on the ground for long. Before I have a chance to walk away, he gets to his feet and shoves me against the wall, twisting one of my arms behind my back.

"I refuse to be a victim this time." He whispers harshly, slowly releasing me.

"Logan-"

"I'm done." He says softly. "I'm just done."

"Logan!" I plead as he walks away from me. God, what kind of friend am I? My heart is shattered, but I was so wrong to hit him. I didn't even just push him this time. Instead, I actually hit him just like the sick bastard that attacked him a few months ago. Am I as bad as his attacker? I never wanted to be, but I feel like I'm getting worse as time goes on.

After he has gone inside, I slide down the wall in a fit of tears. I am officially a terrible person.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"Hey, maybe we should go over to James's place for a while." Kendall says softly.

"No way in hell." I growl.

"Logan, what happened to your face?" Mom asks worriedly, touching my bruised left cheek.

"Ask James." I say bitterly, walking past her. I end up going to an empty hallway and punching the wall. I've already got a bruised cheek, so I don't think bruised knuckles really matters. I am just as upset about Mrs. Diamond's death as James is, but he doesn't seem to realize that I also lost my dad. My dad has never been there for me, but that doesn't mean that I can't grieve his sudden passing.

"Logan!" Camille calls my name. "What did James do?"

"What do you think?" I mutter, sitting on the floor. Frowning, she sits on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing my bruised cheek. The old me would probably be crying by now, but like I said, I refuse to be a victim this time. I'm not gonna act like a crybaby, at least not in front of anyone.

"Did he hit you?"

"Yeah." I nod, flinching as she touches my cheek. To be honest, I don't know why she loves someone like me. She's beautiful and could get just about any guy she wants, but she chose me. Even when I'm at my weakest point, she stands by me. After "the incident," she never left my side. She even backed out of an interview just to be with me.

"Well, his mom died." She explains. "If I were in his situation, I wouldn't be too nice to anyone either."

"Yeah? I lost my dad, Cam."

"I know, but James's mom was actually around." Camille reminds me. "He's probably taking it harder because she was always there for him."

"Why does everyone have to remind me that my dad was absent my whole life?"

"Logan, I didn't mean-"

"I just wanna go home." I murmur as she lets me up. She grabs my arm as I walk past her, but I just pull it out of her grip. I know I may be acting like a jerk right now, but I think I have every right. My best friend's mom is dead, my dad is dead, and my best friend isn't my best friend anymore. I'm torn between being hurt and angry. I don't really know how I should feel. I guess I feel a little bitter too, since everyone seems to be more concerned about James. I say screw him and his stupid schizophrenia. Like I already said, I'm done.

* * *

**Back to James's POV**

"Do you have ID?" The bartender asks me.

"Come on, man, I'm James Diamond." I say smoothly. "Just give me the good stuff."

The middle aged man heaves a sigh, pouring me a glass of tequila. I don't hesitate before I grab the glass, pouring the liquid down my throat. I've always felt that drinking is a bad thing, but I don't know if I care about what's "right" and "wrong" anymore. Apparently, being a good person hasn't done me any good anyway.

**Ten minutes later**

"How long does it take to pour a glass of tequila?!" I yell drunkenly. I never knew how good being a little wasted feels. It feels like all of my problems have been washed away. I feel good for the first time in forever. I no longer feel the pain that I've endured for so long, as if it never even existed.

"Kid, I'm gonna have to cut you off."

"What?! Are you ******* kidding me?!" I shout. I start to lunge over the bar and get the booze myself, but security isn't having any of that. As I protest, I am dragged toward the exit and thrown out. Oh, real nice! All I wanted was a little more alcohol, but they can't give me that! Why the hell not?!

"Oh, real nice!" I slur. "Yeah, go on living your happy lives while mine is turning to crap! You people can go to hell for all I care!"

"James? Man, what are you doing?!"

"K-Kend-all?"

"Okay, we need to get you home." Kendall grabs me, barely keeping me from falling on my ass. I slur more protests as I am dragged to his mom's car, mumbling as I am forced into the front passenger's seat. Angry, I kick the dashboard, shooting a cold look in Kendall's direction. The jerk ruined my chances of getting even more drunk.

"First, you hit your best friend, then you try to wash your sorrows away in alcohol? Real nice, James." Kendall says as he starts the car.

"Go and take care of him like the baby he is." I chuckle, resting my head against the window. He shakes his head in disappointment, but I'm too drunk to be bothered by it. All I can do at the moment is laugh and slur incoherently. My god, I am crazy.

"Wait, before we leave, can I do something?"

"Ugh, what?"

"Puke." I groan, sticking my head out the window. I throw up violently, barely hearing Kendall's frustrated groaning. Hey, I wouldn't want someone getting puke on the side of my car either. I wonder if he's mad at me. If I were him, I'd be mad at me. I'm a terrible friend, a terrible son, and just a terrible person in general. I don't know why Kendall's even bothering to drive me home. If he left me alone, maybe I could get hit by a bus or something.

"Now that you're done, it's time to go home." He starts the engine, the disappointment never leaving his face. Before I can even reply, I end up blacking out.

* * *

**I originally hadn't planned on killing James's mom and Logan's dad off, but I wanna keep the story interesting and dramatic. As for James drinking, that was just a one time thing. I wanted to show how badly he's handling his mom's death and his fight with Logan. I hope you guys are enjoying this very dramatic and angsty storyline! :)**

**Review! :D**


	24. Runaway

**Kendall's POV**

"Why are we at _his_ house?" James slurs.

"_His _name is _Logan_, he's your best friend, and neither one of you needs to be alone." I struggle to pull him from the car, but the fact that he's too drunk to fight it helps a lot. So I don't have too much trouble dragging him through the front door, even thought he's pretty heavy. In the living room, Dominique and Carlos are watching TV, but Logan is nowhere to be found.

"What happened to him?" Dominique frowns, rushing over to us.

"I found him drunk outside some bar." I release James and he collapses into her arms, mumbling about being sick to his stomach. We all know what that means, so Dominique has to hurriedly guide him to restroom. I honestly can't believe what has been happening in these last few days. I mean, James attempted suicide, Jo attempted suicide, then James's mom and Logan's dad died. What else could go wrong?

"Hey, where's Logan?" I question.

"He locked himself in his room." Carlos says tiredly. Taking a deep breath, I walk toward the stairs, heading straight to Logan's room. Sure enough, it's locked. I'm almost afraid that he might be trying to take his own life, but I think Logan is a lot smarter than that. He knows how stupid it would be to do such a thing.

"Logan?"

"Go away!"

"Please, just let me in." I plead, my hand on the doorknob.

"Ugh, fine!" Seconds later, the door is pulled open to reveal my other best friend. He's not dying from a suicide attempt, but he looks miserable. I've seen Logan stressed out before, but nothing like this. This isn't even really stress. It looks more like depression mixed with desperation. I wish I could help him and James.

"You okay?"

"Do I look like I'm okay?" He snaps, showing me the bruise on his left cheek. I still can't believe James hit his friend.

"Come on, it doesn't look _that _bad." I try to assure him, but the look on his face indicates that such a comment only managed to aggravate him. He shoots me a dirty look and returns to his bed, lying down with his back facing me. I'm sorry, but this bitterness is getting old. And I'm gonna be honest with him about it!

"Look, I think that-"

"Why is James here? I heard him downstairs."

"He got drunk and I found him outside some bar."

"Maybe he gave himself alcohol poisoning."

Now that just went too far. Now my jaw and my fists are clenched. I felt sorry for Logan at first, but now he's just being a huge jerk. I mean, why would he wish such a thing on someone that's supposedly his friend? Maybe he doesn't see James as a friend right now, but they were like brothers before all this mess happened.

"Okay, I know that you're upset about what happened, but you have no right to wish suffering on James! He has a mental illness, for God's sake! Sometimes he might take out his anger on us, but only because his mind works differently than ours! We may be able to control our emotions, but he can't! He doesn't know how, Logan! And why are you acting like you care that your dad is dead? James's mom was always there for him, but your dad never gave a damn about you!"

Stupid anger management issues. When I get mad, I always end up saying things I don't mean. What I just said was definitely the wrong thing to say. I can't even really describe the look on Logan's face. He looks like I just slapped him. My gosh, what was I thinking?

"Logan-"

I thought that he might respond with a few words of his own, but he just stays silent and walks to the door, pulling it open. My heart breaks as a single tear falls down his cheek. As much as I wanna comfort him and tell him that I'm sorry, I know he wants me to just leave, so I do. I guess the best thing to do would be to just wait until he cools down.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"Shhh, you're okay." Dominique whispers as James leans over the toilet. I can only watch as she tries to comfort him, since I don't know what else to do. I wish I could understand why things happen, but I guess it's impossible to really know. I just want James to be okay, like he use to be. The same goes for Logan!

"Hey, did you talk to him?" I ask when Kendall returns.

"Yeah, and I screwed up big time." He covers his face, inhaling deeply. I groan, resting my forehead against the wall. I'm not even gonna ask what he said. Chances are, it probably wasn't very nice. I don't want Kendall to give me any reason to be mad at him. If he told me what he said to Logan, I would get angry at him, which I don't feel like doing.

"You done?" Dominique asks James, who nods weakly. I watch carefully as she helps him off the floor, wondering why he seems to prefer her over us these days. While he seems to be clinging to her, he seems to be pulling away from us. That's part of the reason why I'm not that crazy about Dominique. She's stealing my best friend away from me.

"Buddy, I have some nightclothes you can wear, okay?" Kendall informs him, squeezing his shoulder. While they take him to another room to get changed, I return to the living room, where I was watching some cartoons. Then I remember that Logan is upstairs, either asleep or crying his eyes out. I feel like I should check on him.

When I get upstairs, I'm surprised to find that his door is unlocked. When I first push it open, I expect to find him in bed, but I don't. Instead, I find a piece of paper on his pillow, but no sign of Logan.

_Dear friends and family,_

_Since I'm clearly of little importance to anyone, I've decided to leave. I don't mean to sound selfish or anything, but I don't think anyone realizes how it feels to be rejected by the ones you love. Ever since James's diagnosis, I've felt ignored, as if I don't matter anymore. All anyone has been concerned about is James, which is fine! I just wonder if I'll ever get the same concern that he does._

_Kendall, you asked why I act like I care that my dad is dead. You also said that he never gave a damn about me. Well, tell me this. Do you realize that now I'll never get to know him? I'll never get to have a relationship with him and I'll never know why he left. Yeah, it sucks that James's mom died, but he actually knew her. I never knew my dad and now that he's gone, I'll never have a chance._

_Carlos, I know you're just kind of caught in the middle, and I'm sorry. I know you hate seeing people struggle. I hate it too. I know people probably think that I don't care about James, but I do. When I learned that he has schizophrenia, I was terrified because I've read about it and I know how awful it is. I really do care about him, but I feel like he's the center of everything now. I guess I do get a little jealous sometimes. I'm sorry, little buddy._

_Dominique, I'm gonna be completely honest. I've never been that crazy about you, just because I feel like James leans on you more than us these days. I, like Kendall and Carlos, find myself feeling like James is pulling away from us. You won't blame us for getting jealous, right? You're a cool girl, but sometimes it's hard to like you because of your relationship with James. However, I'm glad that he made a good friend while in treatment._

_Mom, I'm just gonna tell you that I'm sorry for everything. I know I haven't been the perfect son lately, but I want you to know that I'm trying. I've always tried to be the best son that I can be, but I sometimes feel like I even fail at doing that. So once again, I'm sorry that I couldn't be any better. _

_Love,_

_Logan_

In a panic, I begin looking through Logan's things. One of his suitcases is gone, just like many of his clothes, his laptop and charger, his phone and charger, and hygiene items (toothbrush, toothpaste, hair products, and whatnot). So it's true? Logan ran away? Oh, COME ON! Why would he run away?

"Kendall! MRS. MITCHELL!" I yell, grabbing the note and running downstairs. Less than a minute later, both Kendall and Mrs. Mitchell hurry into the living room, desperately asking what's wrong. "Logan ran away!"

"How do you know that?!" Mrs. Mitchell takes the note, scanning over it. "Oh my god..." We watch worriedly as she runs up the stairs and to her son's room. The sound of Logan's name being called, very tearfully, can be heard easily. A few minutes later, Mrs. Mitchell walks downstairs with a cordless phone, probably calling the police.

"Hey, what's going on?" Dominique guides James over to the couch, helping him lie down.

"Logan ran away." Kendall murmurs. When he reaches out to me, I step away from him, not wanting to be touched. Now that I've read Logan's note and I know what was said to him, I'm furious. Kendall's harsh words are probably the reason that he ran off, or at least part of it. I won't be able to forgive Kendall until Logan is safely returned home.

"Yes, I would like report a missing 18 year old boy." Mrs. Mitchell informs the police. If I don't sit down, I might end up fainting, so I hurry over to the couch. I reach out to rub James's arm, since he's pretty much the most comforting thing in the room. Right now, I need all the comfort I can get.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

Maybe running away isn't the smartest thing to do, but I'm done with caring. Apparently, "caring" has done me no good. No matter what I do, I won't get the same concern and love that James does. I know I sound unsympathetic, which I'm not, but James isn't two years old! He's eighteen years old and his schizophrenia has been stabilized. I don't think it would kill him if people stopped treating him like a small child.

Since I'm so exhausted, I should probably stop for some rest. I would check into a motel, but I don't wanna risk anyone recognizing me. Instead, I sit by the front door of Rick's Sub Station, sitting my suitcase beside me. I couldn't pack too much, but I grabbed enough to survive. The only thing missing is some decent food.

I know that my friends and family will probably look for me, but they need to realize that they're better off without me.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I know I enjoyed writing it:)**

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	25. Uncertain

**James's POV**

After a seemingly long nap, I awaken, but I don't get what I was expecting. When I open my eyes, the first thing I notice is Mrs. Mitchell speaking to a cop. Squinting my eyes, I groan at the pain in my head, blinking rapidly. I feel like someone just slammed a brick against my head. My gosh, this hurts!

"Bad hangover, huh?" Dominique whispers.

"Mmm hmm." I mumble. "What happened?"

"Um, Logan ran away." Dominique informs me. I cringe as I look up at her, not fully understanding what she means. Why would Logan run away? As upset as I am, I don't want him doing anything stupid. By the way, Kendall looks really guilty for some reason. With wide eyes, I come to the realization that he must have said or done something to really upset Logan.

"W-what did you say?" I stutter.

"Um, what are you talking about?" It's so obvious that he's lying!

"He rambled about your mental illness and basically implied that Logan has no right to be upset about his dad's death because the man never, and I quote, 'gave a damn about him'." Carlos shoots daggers at Kendall, kind of like me. Dominique is trying to keep me calm, but a shoulder rub won't do any good.

"I can't believe you would say that!" I yell, getting off the couch. Not wanting to do anything I might regret, I storm toward the back door, slamming it shut. With a soft whimper, I lower myself onto the top step, shaking. I have the hangover from hell and my best friend hurt my other best friend, not to mention that my mom is dead...and it's probably my fault.

"Jay, I was upset!"

Ugh, why did he follow me?

"You were _upset_? Kendall, Logan and I are 'upset'!" I retort. "My mom is dead! At least I got to know her, though! Logan will never get to have a relationship with his dad! I was stupid earlier, okay? But I guess it shouldn't be so surprising, right? I mean, I'm mentally ill!"

Angrily, I push past him, storming back into the house. Grabbing my cell phone, I walk out the door, fully planning on finding my best friend. Besides, I don't think I can be in the same room as Kendall right now. If I stay around, I'll probably end up hitting him, which I'd rather not do. He seems to love reminding people that I'm "mentally ill" and I'm not gonna give him the satisfaction of being right.

"James, what are you doing?" Great, he's following me. Doesn't he realize that I don't wanna talk to him right now? All I wanna do is find my best friend, apologize, and make sure that he's okay. What if he gets attacked again? That'll send me into a REAL meltdown. I don't take people harming my friends very well.

"What do you think?" I snap, picking up speed. Kendall walks pretty fast too, though, so it's hard to get away from him.

"James, please listen to me!" He grabs my wrist, pulling me back. Roughly, I pull away, turning around to look him. I don't know what makes him think that I'm gonna listen to anything he has to say. I know I screwed up earlier and probably shouldn't be quick to judge, but I've realized the error in my ways. I was wrong and so was Kendall.

"Why should I?!"

"Because I care about Logan too! I know that I said the wrong thing! I feel awful, but you know that I don't always think before I speak!"

I roll my eyes, scoffing. He's just trying to justify his actions. At least I didn't do that. After giving it careful thought, I realized that I messed up, rather than trying to paint myself as the victim. Kendall, on the other hand, is trying to make excuses for _why _he said...you know, what he said.

"Please, just...just let me help you look for him." He touches my shoulder, pleading with his eyes. After debating with myself, I sigh, motioning for him to follow me. No, I haven't forgiven him, but I guess it's better that I don't go alone. I mean, Logan was alone when he was assaulted, and I don't wanna end up in that situation.

"Where could he be?" I wonder.

"Probably downtown Minneapolis." Kendall answers. "That's where I found you last night."

"Great." I inhale deeply. "Just great."

* * *

**Logan's POV**

I feel so pathetic, sitting outside Rick's Sub Station like a loser. I guess it's fitting, though. I don't have any true friends anymore, my dad is dead, my music career is screwed, and I'm basically turning into everything I never wanted to be. To everyone else, I'm the insensitive jerk that doesn't care one bit about James. Well, they're wrong. I care about James as much as they do!

"Logan Mitchell, you are unbelievable." I mutter, pulling my knees to my chest. What has become of my life? Ever since the attack, everything has been falling to pieces. Then James got sick and it became a thousand times worse. I wish I could go back in time and change everything. Yeah, like that's possible!

"Hey, kid!"

Gasping, I look up to see a dark figure walking toward me.

"W-what?" I stutter.

"You got any money?"

"Well, yeah, but-AH!" I yell as he yanks me off the floor, slamming me into the wall. I hate to be a crybaby, but I can't help it when tears fill my eyes. I feel like I'm gonna be sick. It's...it's happening all over again. Crying out, I struggle as he pulls me into a dark alley and throws me on the floor.

"Stop!" I plead as he kicks me in the stomach. Screaming, I try to crawl away, but I'm not fast enough. The man steps on my back, pressing down. I feel a crack and I just know that my spine made that horrible noise. I scream again, begging for him to stop. He never lets up for a second, beating me mercilessly.

"Ah, there's some cash." He says darkly, taking my wallet from me. With one last kick to my stomach, he turns around and runs off, leaving me all alone. The worst thing is that I have no way of getting help. I just have to lay here and hope that help will find me.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"I still can't believe you said that." James grumbles as I drive along the streets of downtown Minneapolis. I'm trying to focus on driving and not on James's constant reprimanding, which I probably deserve, but it's definitely not easy. All I've heard in the past thirty minutes is "you're an asshole" and "I can't believe you."

"James, just hush and help me look for him." I reply as I pull over. Getting out of the vehicle, I approach the door of Rick's Sub Station, looking through the window. It's closed, so Logan wouldn't be here. He could possibly be nearby, though. We all go downtown when we need to get away.

"Mmmmm..."

"What was that?" James whispers, concern filling his eyes. I watch reluctantly as he enters an alleyway, slowly following him. "KENDALL!"

"What's wrong?!" I run to him, stopping in my tracks when I see Logan's severely beaten body on the ground. No... no, please tell me it didn't happen again. I know we don't have time to panic, though. What we need to do is get him to a hospital because his injuries are obviously severe.

"Logan? Are you okay?" James asks softly, kneeling beside our broken friend. Taking out my cell phone, I dial 911 while James cradles our unconscious friend in his arms. As soon as someone picks up, I tell them _every single detail_. Our location, Logan's name, his injuries, what happened...

"Just hang in there, an ambulance is on its way." The 911 operator tells me. Before I hang up, I thank her, then I rush to Logan's side. It breaks my heart when he accepts my comfort because I know it's only because he's too hurt to fight. The most I can do to keep from crying is hold his hand and focus my full attention on him.

"You're gonna be okay." I say gently. That's pretty much a big lie. I don't know if he'll be okay. This time looks so much worse than the last, which I know can't be a good sign.

* * *

**James's POV**

"This wouldn't be happening if it weren't for me."

"James, you can't be serious."

"No, I am!" I argue, staring ahead. "If I weren't so screwed up, nothing that has happened would have happened!"

"James, you've gotta stop this." Kendall puts his arm around my shoulders, but I don't push him away this time. I hate to be complaining all the time, but can I really be blamed for that? Ever since I started having all these problems, everyone's lives have gotten more problematic. Kendall needs to realize that most of this crap is my fault.

"Boys, what happened?!"

"Mrs. Mitchell!" Kendall approaches Logan's mom. "James and I found him in an alleyway and he had been beaten up! We called an ambulance and now he's in surgery."

"My baby's in s-surgery?" Mrs. Mitchell stammers, lowering herself into a chair. I wipe my own tearful eyes, closing them. Silently, I pray for Logan's well being. He's a good person and he doesn't deserve to suffer, but the doctor don't seem so positive. I don't know why, but I just got that feeling when he was talking to us.

"His spine was broken pretty badly, so they have to operate."

I feel nauseous just thinking about that. Getting out of my seat, I hurry from the waiting room, in need of some alone time. Sometimes I just need time to think alone. For one thing, I'd like to know why things like this happen to good people. It's not like Logan has done anything to deserve what he has gotten.

"Logan, you need to be okay." I whisper to thin air. "You _have _to be."

Here's the thing. After a lot of convincing, the doctor finally told us about Logan's condition. He has a pretty nasty break in his spine, severe bruising, and some broken ribs. In other words, he's in pretty critical condition. We can pray all we want, but there's no guarantee that he'll make a full recovery. That doesn't mean I'll give up hope, but I think that it's time to start being realistic.

In reality, nothing is guaranteed.

* * *

**I hope this chapter wasn't too fast paced:) I didn't wanna drag out the "beat up" scene too long, you know? The aftermath is when it gets ****_really _****interesting:)**

**Review! :D**


	26. Sorry

**Decided to do a double update! Hope you enjoy this chapter:) In this one, you find out Logan's fate AND ****_some _****friendships are mended;)**

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

I hate seeing James cry. The same goes for Kendall, although he's just holding back tears. Just ten minutes ago, we got the worst news. Logan's doctor told us that he's paralyzed from the waist down, due to his spine being stepped on and kicked repeatedly. When he said those horrific words, I couldn't say a word. The shock completely took over and I was utterly speechless.

"Jay, it's not your fault." Dominique pleads, hugging our crying friend. I almost reach out to him, then something stops me. I highly doubt that James wants anyone other than Dominique comforting him right now. It's a fact that I hate, but I'm pretty sure that it's true.

Logan can have visitors, so I guess I'll go and see him, even though I'm absolutely terrified. I mean, even the walk to his room is scary. I just don't want him to think that no one cares, considering that everyone else has been too scared to set foot in his room. I guess they're all scared that he hates them.

At first, I just peek into the room, watching Logan. The expression on his face is simply unreadable. I can't even really tell if there's any emotion at all. In fact, his face is quite blank. If I had just found out that I was paralyzed, I would be throwing a fit. Not Logan, though. When things go wrong, he never cries.

"L-logan?" I hesitantly enter, afraid of what might be said.

Silence.

"Um, did you hear that Jo is leaving the hospital soon?" What a lousy attempt at starting conversation. The last thing Logan probably wants to hear about is Kendall's mentally ill girlfriend. I'm sorry, but I'm terrible at awkward conversations. I never know how to make them...not awkward.

"Carlos, don't pretend that everything is okay."

"I'm not-"

"Look, just accept the fact that my life is ruined." Logan whispers. "Everything that I have ever worked for is gone. Big Time Rush has no chance of making a comeback, I'll never go to medical school, my mom will have to take care of me for the rest of my life, and I'll always be known as the 'big time assault victim'."

"Logan-"

"Just accept it!" Logan snaps, struggling to get comfortable. Without a second thought, I hurry to his beside, helping him adjust the pillow behind his head. I know he hates being babied, but if I have to accept that he's paralyzed, then he needs to accept the care and support that I'm willing to give him.

"You know, you really should learn to let people in." I say gently, squeezing his shoulder. I'm just saying it because it's true. Logan is worse than Kendall when it comes to opening up. It's like he thinks that showing any strong emotion will make him look weak. I definitely have to disagree with that way of thinking.

"It's not gonna do any good." Logan sighs. "It won't change anything."

Shaking my head, I reach for his hand, giving it a squeeze. "It might not change your condition, but it would make you feel better. If you need to cry, just cry. I won't judge you."

I pull him into my arms as he finally begins crying into my shoulder. I almost start crying myself, but I figure that I should be the strong one this time.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Do you still plan on going to school in the fall?"

"Of course! Look, I don't plan on letting one incident get in the way."

Jo sounds much better than she did before. Now my only concern is the fact that I can hear Jett laughing in the background. It seems like he's at the hospital every time I call. Sometimes I wonder if he's using my absence to get closer to Jo. I can't just fly back out to LA, though. I barely got off the hook last time.

"That's great." I say with a sad smile. I glance over at Camille, who's quietly talking to Kelly while Gustavo lays on the floor, groaning. He's been a miserable wreck ever since he got to the hospital. Of course, who wouldn't be? Logan's life has been changed forever, all because of me and my insensitivity.

"Hey, I heard Logan's in the hospital! Is he okay?"

"Um, he's got attacked again." I say softly. "And he's paralyzed from the waist down."

Jo gasps, while more tears fill my eyes.

"Oh my god-"

"I've gotta go." I whisper. "I'll talk to you later."

I hang up and begin making the short walk to Logan's room. I know Carlos is there and he probably doesn't wanna see me, but I have just as much right to see Logan as he does. Besides, I wanna make things right. I wanna make things better. I can't do that if I don't talk to Logan. Once I've spoken to him, I'll fix things with James.

When I first arrive at the correct room, I don't hesitate to enter, even though Carlos gives me a very angry look when I do.

"Carlos, can you give us a moment alone?"

"Why should I?"

"Carlos, just go." Logan tells him. I don't flinch when Carlos roughly shoves past me, storming out of the room. That's when things get real awkward. I'm not usually an awkward person, but I suddenly have no idea what to say. Anything I say will only upset him, which I definitely don't wanna do.

"I guess you weren't expecting this, huh?"

"Well, no." I admit, sitting on the mattress. "You know I'm sorry, right? About this and what I said earlier. I was just frustrated and I took it out on you. In fact, I feel like your situation is my fault."

"Kendall, I'm not gonna blame you for this." Logan answers. "It was my decision to run away, so it's my own fault that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Your obvious anger management problems have nothing to do with this."

"I thought you'd be mad at me." My voice cracks.

"Yeah," Logan responds. "but I'm not."

* * *

**James's POV**

"Jay, Logan wants to see you." Kendall informs me. Silently, I get out of my seat, walking past him. I can't even bring myself to look at anyone, especially not after the way I've been crying. I look like crap and I've shown just what a total wimp I really am. However, I'll talk to Logan if he really wants to talk.

I timidly walk into his room, more tears threatening to fall.

"Close the door." Logan murmurs. I whimper as I shut the door, not even close to being sure of how to respond. If I could say anything, I would say how sorry I am. I would tell him that I never meant to hurt him. That's all I want him to know, okay? I just want him to know that I care about him and I just want us to be friends again.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, my voice breaking more with every word.

"Jay, I'm done being mad." Logan responds. "All I've done lately is be mad at everyone. Being mad is what got me into this mess, so I'm done. You don't have to worry about me being mad at you anymore. Besides, maybe that punch did us both some good."

"How did it do anyone any good?" I ask him. "You're ******* paralyzed and I'm living with the guilt! It didn't help anyone, Logan!"

I collapse into the chair beside his bed, bursting into tears. Burying my face in my hands, I sob, not even caring one bit about the embarrassment. I hate that my "cool guy" persona has been broken, but I'm too exhausted to keep up the facade anyway. Maybe it's time for me to stop pretending to be strong.

"James-" Logan starts. "Hey, we're all upset. I understand that, but I've realized something important. When things get tough, we're not suppose to let it tear us apart. We're suppose to stick together and support each other. An hour ago, I was still bitter about everything, then Carlos visited me and he made me realize that it's okay to open up and let people in."

"I wish I could be as strong as you are." I reach for his hand. "I mean, I constantly have people reminding me that I'm mentally ill and it's driving me insane. Even after everything you've been through, you've never tried to take your own life! God, I feel so stupid!"

"Jay, you are _not _stupid." Logan sounds so desperate. "You're scared, but not stupid. You need to stop beating yourself up. There is _nothing _wrong with you."

I crawl onto the bed and bury my face in his chest, sobbing harder. I've never cried like this since I left treatment, but it feels so relieving. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Logan's not mad at me, which is surprising. Instead, he's reassuring me. I didn't think he'd wanna do that after the way I've treated him.

"I'm sorry everyone's been paying more attention to me." I sniffle as my tears stop.

"Hey, you didn't ask for it." Logan lets me go, a soft smile on his face. But the smile disappears as fast as it came. "A lot of things happen that we never ask for."

"Why are you being so nice to me? I mean, I've been a total jerk to you."

"Jay, I'm being nice because you're one of my best friends, one of my _brothers_, and I care about you."

"Wow," I breathe out. "That's...that's good to know."

* * *

**Well, Logan has forgiven his friends and he's slowly learning to open up, but...what about Kendall and Carlos's friendship? :O**

**Review! :D**


	27. Reluctant

"Are you gonna let me do this myself?" Logan asks as I wheel him outside.

"You said your arms were sore, so no." I reply as we come to a stop. Quietly, I lower myself onto the bench, glancing at my handicapped friend. It's so hard to look at him in that wheelchair because I know that he'll never be able to walk again. I know everyone has told me otherwise, but this is my fault. If I hadn't went off on mom, she wouldn't be dead, Kendall wouldn't have freaked out on Logan, and Logan wouldn't be paralyzed.

"I guess they are." Logan sighs, looking down at his arms. I sniffle, looking around. There's a nice private sitting area behind the hospital, so we're getting the privacy that we all deserve. Logan deserves it more than any of us. I don't really deserve privacy, but Logan does. He needs to recover in peace.

"Have you talked to Camille?"

"No." Logan murmurs. I give him a sympathetic look, silently assuring him. I know Camille and she wouldn't leave Logan, especially not at a time like this. She knows that he needs all the support he can get. She's just in shock right now and needs a little time to get over that. In a day or two, she'll be by Logan's bedside, holding his hand.

"I feel like a jerk for snapping at her." He tells me. "I was just so upset about my dad and I..."

"I think she understands." I say with a soft smile. Camille and I talked earlier and she said that she's just in shock. She can't believe that Logan's life has been changed forever just because of one sick person. Like myself, she feels like it's her fault. She wishes that she had kept her mouth shut and just supported him.

"Hey, are you feeling okay?" He questions.

"Um, yeah." I lie. "Why?"

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not!"

"James, you're definitely lying." Logan argues. "I've known you since third grade and I can always tell when you're lying."

Darn him for being so intuitive. Inhaling deeply, I give him a flat expression, my arms crossed. I wasn't really planning on being interrogated today. Besides, I don't think that I'm the most important person right now. Logan should be everyone's number one priority, at least for now. For the most part, I've got my situation under control, but Logan has a long road ahead of him.

"I'm just scared, okay?" I confess. "I hate knowing that you're gonna spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair. If I hadn't hit you and yelled at you, if I hadn't yelled at my mom, you wouldn't be in this position."

"Jay, when are you gonna realize that none of this is your fault? I mean, you didn't know that this would happen."

I shake my head, looking at anything but Logan. He has been unbelievably kind ever since Carlos talked to him the other day. It's great that he has opened up, but I can't figure out why he doesn't seem to resent me or Kendall at all. It's like he has forgotten what we did and said. Then again, Logan has always been pretty forgiving. That's one of his many lovable qualities.

"Yeah, but..." I exhale. "Forget it."

"What? James, talk to me."

"I...I could have helped you." I say shakily. "I could have _helped _you."

"Okay, you need to stop blaming yourself." Logan says firmly, grabbing my wrist. I look at him with teary eyes, wishing that he could realize the truth. I know he believes that I had nothing to do with his situation, but I know it's because of me. If I weren't so crazy, my loved ones wouldn't be suffering.

"Let's just go back inside." Logan advises. "It's getting hot out here."

Wiping my eyes, I get up and grab the handles of his wheelchair, pushing him back inside.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

When I first approach the door to Logan's room, I can't bring myself to immediately enter. I wanna see him, but I'm scared. I think we're all a little scared to visit him. I mean, he's gonna spend his life in a wheelchair, never able to walk again. James told me that he's acting perfectly fine, but I'm still reluctant to acknowledge him.

"Hey, just go in." James says, exiting the room. Thanking him quietly, I slowly step into the room, shutting the door.

"Hey." I say with a sad smile, approaching his bed.

"Hey, you." Logan reaches out, gently pulling me onto the bed. I give him a gentle kiss, surprised to see a tiny smile on his face. Okay, I don't know why he's being so nice to everyone. James is confused, Kendall is confused, EVERYONE is confused by this. He's freaking paralyzed and he doesn't even seem to care.

"You've been feeling okay?"

"Yeah! I've been feeling great." It's so obvious that he's lying. I'm not about to pressure him into talking, but I wish he would. He'd be a lot better off if he'd admit that he's not okay. I mean, I'm his girlfriend! I wanna be there for him, but in order to do that, he has to let me. I don't mean to sound pushy, but I'm just so desperate!

"Has anyone else stopped by?" I ask him.

"Just the guys, Mama Knight, and Katie."

I lay beside him, resting my head on his shoulder. He seems anxious now, for whatever reason. I think it's something that comes with being the victim of an assault. Now I _know _that his confidence is a cover up. Again, no pressure, but I'm gonna keep hoping that he'll eventually decide to talk about it.

"Cam, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I say gently, taking one of his hands in mine.

"If I asked you to marry me right now, would you?"

I start coughing, hardly having expected him to ask such a question. Wow, um. I...I don't know how to respond to that. Is he crazy?! I love him, but I hope that he's not proposing. We're too young and far from being ready for something as serious as marriage. Besides, he needs to focus on his recovery. God, what am I suppose to tell him?

"You know, maybe we should talk about that later." Logan states with a nervous laugh.

"Y-yeah." I gulp, looking away. When he's not looking, I mouth "Oh my God!" In a few years, I could definitely see Logan and I getting married. Not right now, though! I hope it'll be a while before he decides to ask that question again.

For several minutes, we converse, until Logan finally gets tired and drifts off to sleep.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Carlos, are you ever gonna talk to me?"

"Nope." Carlos answers bitterly. I huff impatiently, crossing my arms. I felt bad about our situation at first, but now I'm downright irritated with him. I mean, he's being ridiculous. I don't think he should waste time being mad at me when we have both James and Logan to take care of. It's rather selfish if you ask me.

"Why? Carlos, this is stupid!"

"So is the fact that you were a jerk to Logan!"

"Carlos, for the love of God-" I realize that he's not gonna easily forgive me, so I shut up. I never knew Carlos to be this stubborn, but I guess I'm learning a lot of things that I never knew before. I don't know if I like it, but I guess that's just how life goes. However, I'm eventually gonna _make _Carlos talk to me.

"Kendall, did you hear that Jo left the hospital with Jett Stetson?" Dominique questions. My eyes widen and I snatch the phone from her hands, looking at the little screen. My eyes widen as I read the article, my cheeks becoming slightly red. He even had the nerve to hold her hand! In front of the paparazzi!

On a different note, Jo looks great. A little tired, but still beautiful. I just wish it were my hand that she was holding in that picture.

* * *

**James's POV**

"It was nice of Kendall's mom to let us spend the night." Dominique tells me, sitting between my legs with her back against my chest.

"Yeah..." I yawn. "It was."

"Whoa! You tired, pretty boy?" Dominique teases. I give her a look, shaking my head. She gives me the same look in return. I silently question the way she's unbuttoning the top buttons on my denim shirt, but I don't protest. It's when she starts kissing my neck that I become a bit confused, yet pleased at the same time.

"D-" I start to breathe out her name, but my breath gets caught in my throat as she gently bites my skin. Okay, what is she doing? I've had girls do this to me before, but I have a higher level of respect for Dominique. She's not a girl that I wanna take advantage of. She's more than a play toy to me, so I'd prefer if our friendship/semi-relationship wasn't entirely physical.

"Can you blame me?" She whispers, moving her lips to mine. I groan softly, slowly pulling away.

"Look, we can't do this." I say softly. "We're friends and I'm not ready to take things to the next level."

"Oh..." Dominique returns to her previous position, her back against my chest. There's no doubt in my mind that I like her, but she's different than other girls. With her, I wanna take things slow and gentle. I know that sounds weird coming from James Diamond, but I've changed in the past few months. I'm not the player than I use to be.

"It's not that-"

"Hey, it's no big deal!" Dominique interrupts. Giving her a gentle smile, I wrap my arms around her and hug her from behind. I could sense some disappointment in her voice, but at least she's trying to be understanding. I like that she's not being pushy. Hey, whenever the time is right, maybe I'll reconsider.

Some things just shouldn't be rushed, you know?

* * *

**Lots of drama coming up! The next chapter will include an appearance from Gustavo, Kelly, Mama Knight, and Katie:)**

**Review! **

**PS: If I ever started a series of one-shots, following the boys from infancy to adulthood, would you guys read it? Stuck In My Head is my baby, but I think a series of one-shots would be something interesting to do on the side *shrug***


	28. Funeral

"Hon, did you take your medicine?" Mama Knight asks, concerned.

"Yeah." I lie. I'm actually just holding it under my tongue. I'm gonna throw it away when she's not looking. Today is Mom's funeral and I think I deserve to be punished for causing her death. What better punishment than a schizophrenic relapse? Being tormented by voices on a daily basis sounds like punishment enough to me.

When she's not looking, I spit the pill into my hand and drop it into the trashcan. Inhaling, I walk into the living room, where everyone else is waiting for me. Logan finally got out of the hospital yesterday and will be going to a special inpatient rehab program for people with spinal cord injuries.

"I guess we better get going." Mama Knight says sadly, rubbing my back. Tears begin filling my eyes as we walk out to our vehicles. Dominique and I are riding to the funeral home with the Knights. That's fine, except for the fact that I suspect that Katie doesn't really like Dominique that much.

"I get the front seat, lady." Katie gives Dominique a cold look, climbing into the front seat. On any other day, I would laugh, but I just don't feel like it today. Instead, I climb into the backseat, still holding back my tears. Dominique sits between Kendall and I, putting her arms around me. In an attempt to stay calm, I bury my face in her shoulder, but calm is a hard thing to achieve right now.

"You know, it would be nice if you'd let me comfort my best friend." Kendall suggests coldly. Dominique ignores him and kisses my head, stroking my hair. I finally pull away and sit up straight, wiping my eyes. Looking out the window, I observe the beautiful blue sky, but it only makes me wanna cry more.

"Can we just shut up and get to the funeral home?" I mutter. The last thing I wanna hear is Kendall complaining and Dominique arguing with him. I'm tired and all I want is a little peace and quiet. They can surely give me that, right?

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

The funeral goes by at a seemingly slow pace. Now we're at the cemetery, several chairs surrounding the beautifully designed wooden casket. The mood is depressing and I can't help noticing the tears in James's eyes. I glance over at his friends, specifically Logan. He looks more serious that I've ever seen him look. He's sitting in his wheelchair between Kendall and Carlos, probably due to the shattered state of their friendship.

James's dad even came, which I found rather surprising. I mean, he's paying much more attention to James now than he did when his ex-wife was still alive. That's actually pretty disgusting in a way. As much as I hate being difficult, I'm not gonna be friends with Mr. Diamond that easily. He abandoned his wife and son!

The worst part comes when it's time to place flowers on Mrs. Diamond's grave. I watch worriedly as James approaches the casket and places a single red rose. Just when I think he's gonna return to his seat, he hurriedly exits the cemetery, not even giving anyone an explanation. Well, I decide to let one of the guys take care of him this time. Carlos ends up volunteering.

Of course, I can only go so long without reaching out to James myself. After a few seconds of waiting, I try to follow him and Carlos, but Gustavo stops me.

"What?" I ask impatiently.

"Look, I know we've had some trouble in the past, but I wanna talk to you about something." He pulls me aside. "Since Logan is bound to a wheelchair, Griffin doesn't think that BTR will be able to make their comeback, but Rocque Records needs a talented artist in order to keep going. I would like you to reconsider letting us resign you to the label."

"So...you want me to _replace _Big Time Rush." I breathe out, looking over at James and Carlos. James's back is facing me, but it's easy to tell that he's about to cry. Now, about this "replacing BTR" thing. I know James had spoken to Gustavo about resigning me, but I'd rather continue my music career only if Big Time Rush is signed as well. I don't wanna return to Rocque Records as their _replacement._

"So...what do you think?" Gustavo questions anxiously.

"Um, let me think about it." I whisper, walking past him. A decision like that? Not one that I feel like making right now.

* * *

**James's POV **

"You should eat something." Kelly says gently. I take a small bite of the fried chicken, but I decide that I'm in no mood to eat anything. I don't even wanna be at this reception. I'd rather curl up in bed and sleep for the rest of the day. I guess I have no choice, though. It's not like I have the ability to drive myself home.

"I'm not really that hungry." I mutter, looking down at the plate.

"This is all your fault!"

"My fault? MY FAULT?! CARLOS, WHY DO YOU KEEP BLAMING ME FOR THIS?!"

"BECAUSE LOGAN WOULDN'T BE CONFINED TO A WHEELCHAIR IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU!"

"Guys, stop!"

In a panic, I run outside, horrified to find Kendall and Carlos in the middle of a heated argument. Like, I actually think that punches are about to be thrown. Logan clearly wants to get between them, but Camille's holding onto his wheelchair. Well, I'm fully mobile, so I guess I'll put a stop to this.

"Stop! Just stop!" I yell, pushing them apart. "I don't know what's going on, but I really don't need to see my friends trying to kill each other!"

"James-" Carlos starts to interrupt, but I'm talking and I'm determined to finish.

"No, just listen to me! I don't know what's going on between you two, but I'm sick and tired of hearing about it! My mom is dead, I'm exhausted, Logan's paralyzed, and all you can do is fight!" My voice is becoming louder with every word. Kendall reaches out to me, but I push his hand away, tears falling as I walk off.

"Great job." I hear Logan say bitterly, followed by the squeaking of his wheelchair. I really hope that he's not following me. As much as I care about him, I'd rather be alone right now. I'm so stressed out that it's not even funny. I mean, my head feels like it might explode!

"Jay!"

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

* * *

**Logan's POV**

I ended up not following James, realizing that he probably needed to be alone. Of course, he returned from his walk about ten minutes later...and he refused to talk to Kendall or Carlos. Now my mom and I are at James and Dominique's halfway house, both of us knowing that James shouldn't be alone. Unfortunately, I have to leave for some rehabilitation center in Alabama tomorrow. I obviously don't wanna go, but I also hate leaving James and my other friends behind.

My gosh, I hate maneuvering this wheelchair. I'm trying to go through the back door and it's seemingly impossible. My chair keeps getting stuck and it's frustrating beyond belief. If I keep having trouble, I might end up screaming. I know it sounds like I'm being a pain, but I don't see how I can be blamed.

"Honey, let me help." Mom says gently, grabbing the handles on my chair.

"Mom, I-" But she's already pushing me through the doorway. Once I'm comfortably sitting on the back patio, she walks back inside, leaving James and I alone. At first, I don't really know what to say, especially considering that James has a cigarette between his teeth. We're all aware that he smokes, but I highly doubt that anyone approves of his newest habit.

I jump when he lets out a few curses, never having heard such language from him. What happened to the guy that I use to know? The person sitting on the steps is _not _James Diamond, at least not the James that I've known since third grade.

"Logan, shouldn't you be in bed?"

"It's nine thirty and I'm not a child." I retort, rolling my chair so I'm closer to him. "Now, do you realize that smoking is gonna ruin your lungs?"

"Trust me, if this stuff killed me right now, I wouldn't care." James exhales a cloud of smoke, closing his eyes. I watch him sadly, not wanting to believe what he just said. I don't understand how he can think so little of his life, as if it doesn't matter one bit. Lately, I've gotten to a point where I fear that he might end up having a successful suicide attempt one of these days.

"James, even if you don't care about _your _life, don't you care about anyone else?" I ask softly. "Think about how we'd feel if you died! Our lives would be shattered. I know you, James, and I know you're better than that."

"You obviously don't know me as well as you thought." James whispers. I shake my head, tearing up. I can't believe he's saying this garbage. I just wanna hear him promise that he won't try to do anything stupid. I _need _to know that he plans on staying with us. None of us could stand losing him.

"Jay, I already lost my dad." I reply in a weak voice. "I don't need to lose anyone else."

James puts out his cigarette, looking at me. I see way too much emotion in those eyes. Anger, fear, heartbreak, sorrow, pain...it's absolutely horrible to look at. Those are emotions that should never be seen on James Diamond's face.

"I'm going back inside." I begin turning my wheelchair around, wheeling myself back into the house. As much as I hate leaving James alone, I can bear to look at him. Not right now, at least.

* * *

**Jo and Camille will be in the next chapter! :D**

**At least two people have told me they want the one-shot series, so I'll be doing it! :D **

******Review! :D**


	29. Concern

**Logan's POV**

"I'm worried about James. " Carlos rants as he bites down on a corn dog. "I mean, something hasn't been right in the past few days. He seems...jittery."

"Like he's relapsing?" I ask worriedly.

"Well...no, but he's been different."

I frown, looking around the dining area of the rehab center. I've been here for a week and I can't stand it, but it's always nice when someone visits me. On a more important note, Carlos's words concern me. James is taking his medication, so he couldn't possibly be relapsing. However, Carlos claims that he's been jittery. Why? What has he been doing? I really hope that he hasn't been doing drugs.

I sigh softly, looking at the table. I bite the inside of my cheek, glancing at Carlos. He's chowing down on that corn dog like it's his job. It's pretty amusing, but I'm not in a laughing mood. I just finished my therapy for the day and I'm exhausted. Once Carlos leaves for the day, I'm gonna go and lay down.

"What about you and Kendall?"

"Ugh, don't even mention him!" Carlos grumbles, finishing the corn dog. I give him a look, crossing my arms. He and Kendall are both being ridiculous, in my opinion. Of course, that probably doesn't matter to them. After all, they both think they're right and, of course, will refuse to admit any wrongdoing.

"Why are you guys still fighting?"

"Because it's his fault that you're here, sitting in that...that thing!"

"First of all, this "thing" is a wheelchair." I reply. "Secondly, it's not Kendall's fault that I'm paralyzed. It's my own fault."

"No, it's that other jerk's fault for stomping on your spinal cord like a doormat." Carlos mutters. I give him a confused look. Um, he just blamed Kendall a few seconds ago and now he's blaming my attacker. Well, who's he gonna aim his blame at? Seriously, this kid just doesn't make sense sometimes.

I inhale. "Look, I think it's time that we stop blaming other people for our problems. It clearly hasn't done us any good. I'm confined to a wheelchair, I'm worried that James might be suicidal, his mom is dead, my dad is dead, and two of my best friends are fighting."

"So you're saying that we should blame _ourselves_?" Carlos asks incredulously.

"No, just make sure you blame the right people." I correct him. "Not people that don't deserve to be blamed."

"And Kendall doesn't deserve blame? Logan, if it weren't for him, you wouldn't have ran off and you wouldn't be in a wheelchair!" Carlos argues. I take a deep breath, feeling a serious headache coming on. I understand that Carlos is upset, but I strongly disagree with his thinking right now. I don't think it's fair to blame Kendall for what happened to me.

"Just think about it, okay?" I advise. "Kendall's your friend and he didn't mean to hurt anyone."

"I..." Carlos stutters. Suddenly, he stops speaking, sighing heavily. "I know."

* * *

**Camille's POV**

"Hey, where's James?" I ask Dominique.

"Oh, he's in our room." Dominique replies, sounding rather bored. I walk up the stairs and approach the door to their room, reluctantly pushing it open. The strange thing is that James has stayed in here all day, adamantly refusing to come out. He hasn't even eaten anything today! I hate to say this, but I'm worried about him. He's been like this all week.

"James?" I question, frowning when he mumbles to himself. "Jay, it's Camille!"

He jumps when I raise my voice. "Oh...h-hey."

"You okay?" I wonder, sitting on the mattress. James seems to be in his own world, definitely not paying much attention to me. Okay, what is wrong with him? He hasn't acted this way in months, which is very worrisome. I'm starting to wonder if I should call an ambulance for him. I'm sorry, but he's not acting right at all.

"Yeah, I'm f-fine." He's obviously lying. I guess I won't press him too hard about it right now.

"Well, I need some advice, if you're willing to give it to me." I say with a tiny smile. "The other day, when Logan was still in the hospital, he implied that he wanted to marry me. I didn't say yes, but I didn't say no either. I really think we're too young, but at the same time, I kind of _do _wanna marry him."

I watch James with curiosity, wondering if he even heard me. Could his medication no longer be working? Is he even taking his medication? I sure hope he is because we all know what happens when a schizophrenic doesn't take their medicine. Just a few weeks ago, Jo stopped taking her meds and she tried to commit freaking suicide!

"James, were you even listening?!" I ask, frustrated.

"Huh? Yeah! Yeah, you said that Logan asked you to marry him."

"Well, he _implied_." I correct him. "Now, what should I do? Any personal opinion?"

"That's something that you have to decide for yourself." James tells me. "You have to decide if you love Logan enough to spend your life with him. It's not really a decision that I can make for you."

I breathe in, realizing that he's probably right. That kid can be pretty smart most of the time. I know this might sound surprising, but James is my main go-to guy. He's the one that I always go to for advice and stuff. A lot of people might not expect that, since James isn't exactly known for having a huge brain, but they don't know him like I do.

"Okay, but here's another important question." I state. "How are you doing?"

"Okay." James shrugs. "Why?"

"Because I'm worried about you." I respond, frowning when he flinches. "You've been acting a little off these past few days."

"Trust me, I'm fine." He lies again. I try to keep a straight face, but it's so hard to resist rolling my eyes. I'm pretty good at reading most people, especially those close to me. James here? Definitely lying. I can tell just by looking in his eyes that he's FAR from being "fine."

"Right." I whisper. "Whatever."

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"How have you been doing?"

"Good." My beautiful girlfriend smiles. We're doing one of our regular video chats, something we haven't done since she entered the hospital. Now that she's out, we can get back to our usual traditions. The only we can't do is the picnics, since we're several miles away from each other. We're hoping to plan a visit soon, though.

"I actually got some new medication and it's working much better." She tells me. "My doctor told me that I need to come to him _before _I try to come off of it. That way, he can prescribe me something better if needed."

"You better listen to him." I say jokingly, pointing a finger at the computer screen. Jo giggles and I smile, having truly missed her laugh. She looks so radiant and happy. It's wonderful seeing actual life in those pretty eyes of hers. I'll tell you right now that it's no fun seeing Jo when she's depressed.

"I will!" Jo laughs.

"Babe, where's my food?!"

"Crap!" Jo groans. "It's in the refrigerator!"

"Um, why is Jett in your apartment and why is he calling you 'babe'?" I ask, confused. If she tells me that she and Jett have been dating behind my back, I'm gonna be angered beyond belief. The difference between Jett and I is that I actually care about Jo. Jett? He just wants a hot play toy to show off to the media.

"Kendall-"

"No, seriously, enlighten me!" I snap, narrowing my eyes. When Jo returns the look, I know that we're about to have one hell of an argument. I guess I better lock my doors and windows tonight...

"He's auditioning for a new movie and what you just heard are some lines from the script." She sounds pretty annoyed now. A script? Ohhh...stupid me and my stupid paranoia. I've never liked Jett and I honestly hate when Jo has to spend any time with him. Maybe I should audition for a role on New Town High so I can keep an eye on them.

"It didn't sound like a rehearsal." I mumble.

"Don't start this again." Jo complains. "I thought you trusted me!"

"It's _him _that I don't trust!"

"Forget about him, Kendall! He's nothing to me, okay?!"

"You weren't saying that last night!" Jett calls out from the other room. I scoff, glaring at her. Now I _know _that they aren't rehearsing lines. So I'm gonna adamantly demand to know what Jett means by "last night."

"What does he mean by that?"

"Kendall-"

"I'm serious, Jo! What did you and Jett do last night?" I ask angrily.

"N-nothing."

But I know that's not the truth, especially since I see a lacy black bra peeking from under the pillow. Gosh, I feel like my heart was just ripped out of my chest. She's been messing around with him? How could she do that while she has a boyfriend that loves her?

"Kendall-"

"We're done, Jo." I whisper, clicking out of the chat window. After wiping my eyes and trying to calm my breathing, I turn the computer off and fall back onto the mattress. Wow, life just keeps falling apart more every day. I wonder what else will happen. I don't really see how things could get any worse than they already are.

* * *

**I think I might start doing chapter summaries:)**

**Chapter 29 summary**

_**Part 1: Carlos visited Logan at rehab/physical therapy. Carlos expressed his concern for James, he's still angry at Kendall, and Logan realized that all they've done is blaming other people. In this chapter, he tries to make Carlos see this, but he has a hard time getting through to our lovable Carlitos.**_

_**Part 2: Camille visited James, hoping to get advice about Logan's implied marriage proposal, but she left with suspicion that he's headed for another mental health crisis.**_

_**Part 3: Now that Jo's out of the hospital, she and Kendall were able to continue their regular video chats. However, this one didn't go as well as either of them had hoped. While chatting, Kendall found that Jett was with his girlfriend, and that Jo may have cheated on him.**_

**Well, that's it!**

**Review! :D**


	30. Grief

**Jo's POV**

"You _cheated _on him? Why?" Lucy questions.

"While I was in the hospital, Jett was always telling me how beautiful and perfect I am, and I started wondering why Kendall never says that stuff." Jo explains as they enter the Palm Woods lobby. "He messed with my head."

Okay, it may seem like Jo isn't taking responsibility, but that's not the case at all. She's stating facts! Jett tells her thing that Kendall has never (or rarely) said. In a way, Jett manipulated her a bit. He made her feel more special than she really is, which felt really nice. However, Jo doesn't love him. Not really! She loves Kendall, whether they're together or not.

"Damn, girl." Lucy mumbles. Jo rolls her eyes as they enter the elevator, looking at her reflection in the elevator walls. She has never been able to put Kendall's final words out of her mind: we're done. She doesn't want them to be "done," though. If she could, she'd do everything to prove that she loves him. She can't do so right now, though. She's gotta prepare for school next month and she's got work to do.

"On a different note, have you been following the stories about James's downward spiral?" Lucy asks her. "He's becoming a cross between Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes, and Justin Bieber!"

Jo ignores her friend as the elevator doors reopen. She has heard the gossip about James, but she's far too distracted by her own relationship problems. She's gotta figure out a way to earn Kendall's forgiveness! For the past two days, he has refused to answer her calls. She even talked to his mom, who tried to put him on the phone, but he hung up as soon as he heard Jo's voice.

"Trust me, you're not the only one who's cheated." Lucy assures her.

"I don't wanna be like those people!" Jo retorts, storming into her apartment. She drops her purse on the couch and sits down, screaming into a pillow. She doesn't know why she messed around with Jett when she already had an amazing guy that loves her. Sure, Kendall doesn't compliment her every time he sees her, but he shows his love through actions. Why didn't she realize that before?

"Okay, here's what you do." Lucy sits beside her. "Keep pestering him until he agrees to talk. Go to Minnesota if you have to and wait outside his door!"

Jo slowly removes her hands from her face, glancing at Lucy. Hmm, she _could _do that. She doesn't wanna be creepy and stalk him, but she desperately wants to talk to him. Apparently, she's gonna have to be a little persistent if she wants him to acknowledge her.

"You know what? You're right." She agrees. "Alright, pack your bags."

"What?"

"Pack your bags." Jo repeats. "We're going to Minnesota."

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"That doesn't sound like Jo." Logan says, shaking his head.

"Well, the bra hidden under her pillow confirms it." I mutter. I've been moping for two days now and I'm tired of it, so I decided that today will be spent with Logan. Carlos, Dominique, and Camille are taking care of James, so I'm getting comfort from Logan. He knows what it's like when a girlfriend cheats on you. I mean, Camille kissed James once.

"Well," Logan sighs. "Maybe this is for the best."

"How is it for the best?" I ask him.

"Um, maybe there's someone else out there for you." Logan tells me. "Maybe Jo just wasn't the one."

I shake my head, sipping from the glass of Coke in front of me. Doesn't he realize that Jo was suppose to be the one? I thought that Jo and I would end up getting married, but I can't marry someone knowing that they betrayed me like she did. I need to be with someone that will stay loyal, something that Jo apparently didn't do.

"Look, I'm just saying that you should let her go, at least for now." Logan says calmly. "Give her a chance to prove that she deserves your trust. Make her earn it, you know?"

I nod slowly, contemplating what he's saying. Make her earn my trust? That's exactly what I plan on doing. Until she does that, I'm not gonna talk to her. She'll have to show that she really does deserve my trust. I personally think that it'll be hard to do. Why? Even if I get back with her, I'm always gonna remember the time that she cheated on me.

"My hands are sore." Logan complains, looking at his hands.

"I figured you'd say that." I chuckle, taking a pair of fingerless gloves out of my gym bag. "So I got you these."

"Wow, thanks." Logan slips them on before holding a hand out. Laughing, we high five each other. Then I become more serious as I think about how Logan has handled his newfound disability. He's been so calm and positive about it, but I don't think it's genuine. This has been bugging me for days.

"How have you _really _been doing?" I ask him.

"What do you mean?"

"You're a paraplegic and you haven't broke down once." I inform him. "All you've done is smile and laugh as if everything is completely normal. I'm not trying to offend you or anything, but I don't think that's a genuine smile on your face."

"I don't wanna talk about this." Logan whispers, wheeling himself away from the table.

"Logan-"

"Just forget it!" He interrupts. "I'm fine."

I groan as I sink back into my chair, watching him disappear from the dining area. I bury my head in my arms, frustrated with how stubborn Logan is. I don't know why he won't talk to me. If he keeps holding back, he's gonna explode. I guess I can't force him to open up, though. I'll just have to anxiously wait for the day that he finally breaks down.

* * *

**James's POV**

_"Did you miss us?"_

_"Did you, Jamie bear? Did you?!"_

"Mmmm..." I groan, stumbling down the hallway. I stayed at some nightclub for two hours, bought some ecstasy, and decided to stay in a hotel. I feel pretty good. Okay, scratch that. I feel _really good. _If I weren't so high, I'd probably worried about people being mad at me for doing this, but I don't care at all!

I chuckle lightly as I stumble forward, falling to my knees. Ugh, I don't even feel like getting back up. I think I'll just lay here for a while. Laying down on my back, I look up at the ceiling, inhaling deeply. It would be so nice if I could lay in someone's arms for a while, but there's no one around. Nothing but a bunch of strangers.

Gosh, I probably should call Carlos and let him know where I am. Dominique and Camille went to the mall, so they don't know that I went out. With a shaky hand, I take my cell phone from my jeans pocket, dialing Carlos's phone number.

"Hello?"

"Carrrlloss..." I slur.

"James? Where are you?!"

"Some hotel." I chuckle, rolling onto my stomach.

"James, are you drunk?"

"No, but I'm sooo highhh..." I giggle. The red wallpaper looks very appealing all of a sudden. It's red...like a strawberry. I like strawberries. They're...pretty. Anyway, I hope Carlos won't be too upset with me. I just wanted to have a little fun, you know? I just went to a club, danced a little bit, and popped one ecstasy pill.

"James, tell me where you are!" Carlos yells into the phone.

"It's the one down the street from that bar where Kendall found me." I laugh, then I snort, which makes me laugh even harder. Carlos's frustration is obvious, even over the phone, but I'm too darn happy! I love this feeling! It's the best feeling in the world! If I could feel like this all the time, that would be amazing.

"Ugh, I know where that is." Carlos grumbles. "What floor are you on?"

"Five." I slur. "Bye bye, Carrrllllitoooosss..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah! I'll be there soon!"

"Okie dokie!" I say cheerfully, laying the phone beside me.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"Unbelievable!" I shout, punching the elevator wall. "James, I cannot believe you!"

Really, I can't! I can't believe that James would do something as stupid as getting high. I know that he's been having a hard time, but I don't think that makes it okay for him to go out and do drugs. Yeah, I feel bad that his mom died, but that doesn't give him the right to ruin his body. When I find him, I'm gonna reprimand his ass so hard!

"JAMES DIAMOND!" I bark as I step onto the fifth floor.

"Carlitos! Where are youuuuu?!"

I smack my hands to my face, walking down the hallway. I have to walk around two corners before I find my idiotic friend laying on the floor. My gosh, he's a mess. I've never seen him so messed up before. Now I can't even bring myself to reprimand him because I'm just so shocked.

"God, James, what were you thinking?" I say quietly, reaching out to him.

"I was thinking about unicorns! And that cool wallpaper!" He points at the wall. I look at him with disbelief, carefully pulling him off the floor. Ugh, he can't even stand up on his own! He's practically hanging onto me, which isn't good for me because James is _really _heavy. He's not fat, but he's a big guy.

"Jay, I don't know what's up with you, but you can't do stuff like this." I tell him as I drag him toward the elevator.

"Who are you? My mother?" James snorts. I give him a dirty look, cringing at the weight I'm carrying. As much as hate to admit this, I'm pretty small, which makes it hard for me to carry a 6'1" guy. That's part of the reason that I can't wait to get James home, but I mostly wanna put him to bed and never let him do this ever again.

"No, but I'm your best friend and I care about you." I retort, helping him into the front seat of the rental car. Ms. Mitchell was nice enough to get James and Dominique a rental car, so they can go out whenever they want or need to. I never thought I'd be driving this car to pick my high friend up from a hotel.

"Where arrree weee going?"

"Home." I reply bitterly, starting the car. "Do me a favor, James, and stop ruining yourself."

* * *

**Chapter summary**

_**Part 1: Two days after the Jo/Kendall breakup, Jo is feeling extreme remorse for her actions. She also realized that actions speak louder than words and while Jett compliments her a lot, Kendall shows her how much he cares. Lucy convinced Jo to fight for the relationship and Jo made the decision to travel to Minnesota.**_

_**Part 2: Meanwhile, Kendall is still grieving the breakup as well. In this part, he went to Logan for advice and Logan tried to convince him that the breakup might be for the best. However, Kendall wants to be with Jo, but he's not sure if he can trust her. On a different note, he also began thinking about Logan's reaction to being paralyzed. Logan has reacted rather positively, but Kendall is convinced that it's a cover up. When he asked Logan, his friend refused to discuss it.**_

_**Part 3: In this part, we caught up with James, whose grief is sending him into a downward spiral. After a night of partying, he went to a hotel and took some ecstasy in order to distract himself from his grief. He ended up calling Carlos, who was less than pleased.**_

_**Part 4: Carlos went to pick James up and was shocked to find his friend in such a state. Part of him was sympathetic and sad for his friend, but the other part of him was angry. In the end, he begged James for one favor: stop ruining yourself. The question is whether or not James will listen to him.**_

_****_**That's the chapter summary! **

**Review! :)**


	31. Worry

**James's POV**

"CARLOS, I AM GONNA KILL YOU!"

"It's not my fault!"

I groan softly as I open my eyes, wondering what the commotion is. The first thing I notice is Dominique whacking Carlos with a towel, while he tries to reason with her. My gosh, I've got one hell of a hangover. I can't believe I bought those stupid ecstasy tablets. Well, I've already decided that I'm _never _touching drugs again.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO WATCH HIM!" Dominique barks.

Man, what was I thinking? I guess I was just trying to distract myself from everything. Lately, it just seems like things keep going horribly wrong. I don't know what to do anymore, except spiral back into the insanity that once took over me. Last night...I remember...hearing the voices again. As much as I hate to say this, those voices are back, and I have a horrible feeling that they're gonna be much worse this time.

_"Dominique doesn't love you."_

_"Neither does Carlos."_

_"No one cares about you! They all want you dead!"_

I whimper, clutching my head. I never wanted to be like this again, but I deserve it! I deserve the torment because I was so horrible to my mom. She just wanted me to be surrounded by positive people and I told her to get out. Those were my last words to her. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that.

"Jay, tell her to stop hitting me!" Carlos whines.

"Ugh, both of you...shut up." I mumble, my eyes still closed. I feel kind of nauseous and I'd prefer to have peace and quiet. Of course, Carlos and Dominique apparently don't plan on quieting down anytime soon. They're too busy arguing over the fact that Carlos let me go out alone.

"Hey," I say weakly, sitting up. "Can we visit Logan today? I wanna see how he's doing."

"You sure you're up to it?" Carlos asks, yelping Dominique smacks the back of his head. I nod, my hands shaking. I feel like I might end up dying if I don't get some fresh air. I know, that doesn't really make sense, but there's a lot of things that haven't made sense lately. For example, I don't understand why Logan is stuck in a wheelchair. He certainly doesn't deserve it.

"Y-yeah." I stutter, stumbling toward the door. Carlos grabs me before I can fall to the floor, motioning for Dominique to follow us. I immediately notice two photographers on the other side of the road, snapping pictures of us. This makes me very angry, since all I want is a little privacy.

"Carlos, lemme go for a sec." I growl.

"Jay, get in the car." Carlos gently forces me into the back seat. Dominique gets behind the wheel, while Carlos sits beside me. I really wanna go and teach those invasive camera loving jerks a lesson, but no one seems interested in letting me do anything. I can only look through the back window and glare as the photographers snap away.

"I can't believe they actually know where we live." Dominique says, starting the car.

"Nothing gets past the paparazzi." Carlos sounds so bitter. I don't think I've ever heard him sound bitter before. Of course, I don't think any of us have been truly happy lately. I mean, life has turned into one big mess. Who would be happy in the middle of all that? I know I'm finding it very difficult.

* * *

I can't wait until Logan is released. He has a little more than a month left of inpatient physical therapy, then he can go home. Anyway, when we first enter the building, we find Kendall and Logan talking quietly in the lobby. Logan looks pretty good, although he seems pretty tired. He's laughing at something on Kendall's cell phone.

The awkward part comes when Kendall and Carlos look at each other. For days, they have managed to avoid each other, but I'm honestly pretty sick of it. I wish they'd just make up, so everything could be somewhat normal again. Nothing is gonna be the same, but it'll certainly be better if people aren't fighting.

"Hey!" Logan waves.

"Hi, Logie." Carlos says, giving our injured friend a hug. I'm still shaking I have to hurry over to a couch. Kendall and Logan both give me strange looks, but that's the least of my concerns. My concern is the voices screaming at me.

_"If we're lucky, the next person to beat Logan will kill him."_

_"You both deserve to die!"_

"Jay, are you okay?" Logan frowns.

"Y-yeah." I lie. I watch nervously as Logan whispers to the others, wondering what he's saying. One thing I know, however, is that he's definitely talking about me. Could he be talking about how annoying I am? I hope that's not the case, but I have a bad feeling. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, though.

"We'll be there in a minute." He tells the others before they exit the lobby. "Okay, what happened to you, Jay? What's wrong?"

"I...I took some ecstasy last night." I confess.

"What?" Logan looks shocked. "James, why the hell would you do that?"

"Because I...I don't know! I just needed a distraction from everything!"

I sniffle, burying my face in my hands. I'm not about to cry in front of Logan. If I'm gonna get emotional, I'm gonna do it when I'm alone. I'll tell you right know that I'm DONE letting people see me cry. I've shown weakness far too many times and I'm just...I'm just done with it! I'm so, so, so done.

"So you turned to drugs." Logan sighs. "James, I'm confined to a wheelchair and you don't see me doing drugs."

"You can't tell me that it doesn't bother you." I argue. "Logan, just forget about me for a minute and think about yourself. We can all see it in your eyes, okay? You hate being in that chair, you hate being paralyzed, and you know it!"

"I don't wanna talk about this." Logan's voice cracks on several of the six words. I move closer to him, reaching out to him. When I touch his shoulder, he just pulls away. I can't figure out why he's being like this. I'm trying to comfort him and he won't let me. I wish he would just accept comfort, instead of pretending that he's okay.

"Look, it's okay to be upset." I tell him. "It's okay to be scared."

"It's just paralysis." Logan answers weakly. "I'll be fine."

"Logan-"

"What do you want me to say?!" He snaps. "My life is ruined because some sick bastard stomped on my spinal cord, broke it, and left me confined to this stupid hunk of metal! Okay, James! I'm not okay with it! Because of this, Big Time Rush will never make that comeback and I'll never be able to attend medical school! My life is over!"

With tears in my eyes, I reach out and wrap my arms around him. The hug isn't just comforting to him, but to me as well. I feel much safer when I'm close to someone. Not that I'm clingy or anything, but I just wanna feel like I'm not alone. Although, my main focus right now is the tears soaking my hoodie.

"Y-your life is n-not over." I disagree, giving him a squeeze.

"How do you know?"

"I don't know." I whisper. "I just do."

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"I can't believe that James would turn to drugs." I murmur, watching James and Logan.

"He was a mess when I found him." Carlos replies.

"I guess we're gonna have to keep a closer eye on him."

"Yep."

Awkward silence follows. For several days, we haven't spoken. Now we're here and we're actually having a conversation. We're suppose to be best friends, so it shouldn't be this awkward. I've been thinking about how to repair our friendship, but I'm kind of scared to say anything to Carlos. I mean, I guess I deserve the cold shoulder that he's been giving me.

"Now, about you and me." I finally begin. "I know you probably hate me right now. I definitely deserve what I've been getting, but I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt Logan. I really didn't, Carlos."

Even though I'm speaking to Carlos, my eyes are on James and Logan, who are talking quietly at another table. Logan looks like he has been crying, which is both relieving and heartbreaking. I hope that Carlos and I can be friends again, so the four of us can start spending more time together.

"Dude, have you tried their brownies?" Dominique's mouth is already full as she walks toward us, carrying a plate full of chocolatey goodness.

"We're having a private conversation here." Carlos says coolly.

"You have fun with that." Dominique says sarcastically, walking to another table. I chuckle lightly, finding their banter quite funny. To be honest, I don't think Carlos dislikes her as much as he claims. If anything, he probably has a crush on her. I, on the other hand, only have eyes for one girl, but she cheated on me.

"Anyway," Carlos starts. "I...I know you didn't mean to hurt him. I was wrong to take out my anger on you. I'm just really upset about what happened to Logan, but it's not your fault. It just took me some time to realize that."

I smile softly, reaching out for a hug, which Carlos actually accepts this time. When Logan looks over and sees us hugging, he gives us a smile. I wave back at him, also noticing that James still seems a bit shaky. That worries me a bit, but I'm just assuming that it's his nerves. Like I said, we'll just keep a closer eye on him.

* * *

**Chapter summary**

**_Part 1: Not much happens in the first part. James woke up the morning after his drug filled night and listened as Dominique reprimanded Carlos for letting him go out by himself. There also hints of a possible relapse, as we learned that James is hearing voices again. In this part, he also decided to visit Logan, which he hasn't done very much since Logan entered physical therapy._**

**_Part 2: James, Carlos, and Dominique arrived at the inpatient rehab center where Logan is going through physical therapy. Logan was shocked when James confessed to experimenting with ecstasy. Soon, the boys began discussing Logan's newfound disability, and his true feelings about the situation. Logan has been reluctant to open up, but James finally convinced him to be honest. Eventually, he broke down in James's arms. In this section, James continued to hear voices._**

**_Part 3: This chapter is about Kendall and Carlos's friendship. While James and Logan were talking, Kendall and Carlos sat together and talked about James. Kendall finally attempted to make up with Carlos and his attempt was successful. In the end, they hugged, putting their fight behind them. However, although Kendall is happy about this, he's still deeply concerned about James. _**

**Review! :D**


	32. Confrontation

**Dominique's POV**

One...two...three!

"Dang it!" I yell as the mosquito flies away. I don't know how that creature got in here. We're all careful when we're entering and exiting this place. Ugh, whatever. Right now, I need to check on James and make sure he hasn't jumped out the window or something. I'm just saying that because I've been suspicious that he's having a _minor _relapse. I don't know. He just seems on edge all the time.

After sitting the fly swatter down, I walk up the stairs to the bedroom I share with James. Who is he talking to? When I first peek into the room, I discover that he's only talking to himself, sitting on our bed with his arms wrapped around his knees. Oh yeah, this definitely isn't right.

"James?" I frown, sitting on the mattress. Reluctantly, I reach out to him, touching his shoulder. "James!"

"Huh?" James says, startled. I give him a curious look, rubbing his shoulder. I don't understand why he's acting like this, but I definitely have some suspicion. What I'm suspecting isn't good either. Luckily, I know exactly how to fix it. Trust me, I've gotten to know James very well, so I know how to deal with his problems.

"Jay, be honest with me." I say carefully. "Have you been taking your medication?"

"I..I...n-no." He finally confesses.

"Jay, you _have _to take your meds." I tell him, grabbing his Abilify off the table. I got our prescriptions refilled yesterday and I _thought _that he had been taking his medication like he's suppose to. Well, I was apparently very wrong. Gosh, I don't know what I'm gonna do with this kid. Between taking care of him (and myself) and debating whether to accept Gustavo's offer, my life is a mess!

"I deserve this."

"What? Because of your mom? Jay, you don't deserve to be tormented by hallucinations because of that!" I argue.

"You and I both know that it's my fault that she's dead." God, I hate hearing his voice crack like he's about to start crying. "She slapped you, I got mad, and I told her to get out. Just hours later, she was killed in a car accident. If I hadn't kicked her off our property, she would have stayed here and been safe from Logan's stupid father."

My eyes fill with tears as I pour one Abilify pill into my hand. Taking one of his hands, I place the medicine on his palm, waiting for him to rinse it down with some water. I'm not gonna let him spiral back into insanity all because he blames himself for his mom's death. There is no way in hell that I'm _ever _gonna let this happen.

"Just take it." I say gently, stroking his face. Finally, to my relief, he does it. He rinses the pill down. Now that this has been taken care of, I've got somewhere to be. There's this karaoke club downtown and I'm gonna perform tonight. Gustavo really wants to see me perform to see if I've still got "the fire." No, I'm not saying that I'm definitely resigning with Rocque Records.

"Good." I smile, kissing his cheek. "You've gotta take these, okay?"

Instead of replying, he stays silent, burying his face in his knees. With one last look in his direction, I turn around and quietly exit the bedroom.

* * *

**James's POV**

I only took the stupid medication because Dominique told me too. Plus, she wouldn't leave until she saw me swallow it. Now, I need to figure out where she went. Why? Because my paranoia is making me a _little _suspicious. Ever since Mom's funeral, Dominique has been seemingly...different, as if she's hiding something.

Frowning, I get off the bed and begin snooping around our room. It takes looking in several places for me to get any ideas. The hint is found in one of the dresser drawers. It's a note, hidden under a pile of folded jeans. Although I feel like I shouldn't invade Dominique's privacy, I can't help doing so.

_Dominique,_

_You know that karaoke bar two stores down from Rick's Sub Station? I want to see you perform there tomorrow night, so I can make absolutely certain that you are right for Rocque Records. I look forward to seeing your performance._

_Sincerely, Gustavo Rocque_

I look at the note in disbelief. She's actually considering signing back with Rocque Records. You know, it seems weird that she's thinking about this not long after Big Time Rush's comeback was canceled. It's almost as if she was wanting us to fail so she could replace us as Hollywood's next big star. Real freaking nice, Dominique!

Clenching my jaw, I tear up the note, throwing the pieces down. Then something inside me snaps and I'm frantically dialing Kendall's number.

"Hey, Kendall? I need you to drive me somewhere."

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"Jay, maybe you should stay outside and calm down." Carlos suggests, grabbing our buddy's arm.

"No way!" James growls, yanking the door open. Worriedly, Carlos and I follow him into the karaoke bar, shocked to find Dominique sitting at a table with Gustavo. When James told me his suspicions and what he had discovered, I had a hard time believing it. As much as I may not adore Dominique, I didn't think she'd try to replace her friend's disbanded musical group.

"James-" I start.

"So you're thinking about replacing Big Time Rush, huh?" James snaps at Dominique.

"James! Um, what-"

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about!" James warns. "I found the note that _he _gave you. You know, the one asking you to perform her, so he could check you out, since he's considering you as our _replacement._"

When Dominique looks over at Carlos and I, we only glare at her. I'm pretty upset about this too and I know Carlos is absolutely appalled. It's not that she doesn't have any right to pursue a music career. That's fine! It's just weird that she's considering it after our plans for a comeback fell through.

"James, I'm not trying to replace you! In case you forgot, I was signed to Rocque Records _before _you!"

_Low blow, bitch. Real low blow._

"Yeah, but you never made it to your first album! At least we didn't try to burn the place down!" James screams. I don't really want him to get in trouble for hitting a girl, which he looks very tempted, so I hurriedly grab him and pull him back. The long line of expletives he lets out is way more shocking, though.

"Um, Jay, we're in public." Carlos says anxiously as James continues cursing the girl out.

"You should really be more appreciative! I got you to take your meds this morning, which you haven't been doing for quite some time!"

"GO TO HELL, DOMINIQUE!" James roars. The whole room is silent now and I'm so embarrassed that I practically drag James out the door. No, I'm not mad that he hasn't been taking his meds. Concerned, yes, but not mad.

"Carlos, put him in the car." I instruct. Carlos does as he's told, pulling James toward my car. Meanwhile, I look through the glass window of the karaoke bar, flipping Dominique off before getting behind the wheel. Sure, I notice the tears making their way down her cheeks, but she deserves what she's getting. I never liked her and now I have even more of a reason to feel that way. The way I see it, she wouldn't give James an ounce of attention if he weren't James Diamond.

"Jay, calm down." Carlos whispers, hugging our friend. I think I know where we need to go. It's the one place that seems to calm him down these days.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"She _what?_"

"She's gonna be BTR's replacement." James says bitterly. "Before you got hurt and BTR was still planning a comeback, she didn't seem interested in returning to Hollywood, but she's going for it now that Big Time Rush is big time DONE."

I shake my head, taking a deep breath. Honestly, I don't know what to think. For a long time, James actually encouraged Dominique to pursue a career with Rocque Records again. Now that she's doing so, he's mad. It doesn't really make sense, but at the same time, I can sort of see where he's coming from.

"Look, I thought you _wanted _her to revive her career." I say calmly.

"Yeah, but here's the problem." James explains. "When Big Time Rush existed, I was cool with it because I thought we could all be signed to the label together. At that time, she didn't seem to care. Now that the band is done, she suddenly changed her mind?"

I inhale, realizing the problem. Now that I think about it, that does seem unusual. Before Big Time Rush breakup, no comeback. After Big Time Rush breakup, definite comeback. Okay, that _is _wrong. Even I feel betrayed and I didn't even associate with Dominique that much. It sounds to me like she's just another fame whore.

"I can't believe this." James sounds incredibly tired. "I thought I'd found someone that liked me for more than just my looks and my fame, but I guess Dominique is just like the rest of the skanks I've messed with."

With sadness in my eyes, I reach out to him, rubbing his shoulder. I feel absolutely terrible that he has suffered yet another disappointment. In these past few months, nothing has seemed to go his way. If I could change that, I would. There's nothing, though. There's nothing I could do to fix anything.

"So...did you hear that Jo was seen boarding a plane to Minnesota?" Carlos blurts out.

"Normally, I'd care about that." Kendall sighs, wrapping his arms around James. "Right now, Jo is the furthest from my mind."

"Wow, never thought I'd hear that."

"Carlos?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up or you'll be sorry."

Carlos pouts, crossing his arms. "Okay."

* * *

**Chapter summary**

**_Part 1: In this section, Dominique went to check on James, only to find him hallucinations. After snapping him out of it, she got him to admit to not taking his medication, which she had already suspected. With a little encouraging, she got him to take his medication. Once she was certain that he had swallowed the pill, she went to the karaoke bar where Gustavo had asked her to perform._**

**_Part 2: This is where things go from sweet to dramatic. In this section, James began thinking about Dominique's suspicious behavior and decided to investigate. He finally discovered a note that Gustavo had given her, asking her to perform at a local karaoke bar. Apparently, the music producer wanted to make sure she was an appropriate fit for Rocque Records. When James found out, he was furious because he feels that she was wanting replace him and his BTR bandmates._**

**_Part 3: James finally confronted her in this section. He went to the karaoke bar, saw her talking to Gustavo, and approached her. He made a bit of a scene, though. He screamed, he yelled, he cursed, and Kendall and Carlos both feared that he was gonna hit her, so Kendall finally dragged him out of the bar. This incident, unfortunately, put a dent in Dominique's relationship with the boys. Will she be able to convince them that she's NOT trying to replace them?_**

**_Part 4: After the confrontation with Dominique, the boys decided to visit Logan and inform him about Dominique's "betrayal." At first, he was reluctant to be truly angry at her, since James was originally ENCOURAGING her to continue her career. However, the more James explained it, the more Logan began to side with his friends. By the end of this section, he was just as furious as they were. _**

**_In an attempt to lighten the mood, Carlos randomly announced Jo's reported trip to Minnesota:P However, Kendall was seemingly too concerned about James to really care._**

**I kind of enjoy these chapter summaries! What about you guys?**

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	33. Worse

**Dominique's POV**

"I feel like the stupidest person alive!" I complain.

"Well, you made James think that you wanna replace Big Time Rush, so you kind of are." Craig laughs awkwardly.

"Oh, screw you!" I yell, hanging up the phone. I huff angrily, rubbing my temples. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just destroyed my chances of James ever wanting anything to do with me. I _really _care about him, but he doesn't believe that because he thinks I only wanted to steal BTR's success. I feel like a terrible person!

I need to unleash my frustration. What better way to do so than with fire? James left his lighter at home, thankfully, so I have something to generate some flames with.

After grabbing the lighter from a drawer in the kitchen, I grab the car keys and _leave_. There's an old abandoned house just outside Minneapolis. In my opinion, that place _needs _to be burned down. No one's gonna buy it anyway! Trust me, no one cares about that place anymore. Therefore, I'll just burn it down.

I rarely cry, but I'm seriously tearing up right now. James is the first person I've known that I've really cared about and now I've lost him. Even worse, it's all because I was about to choose fame over friendship. The truth is, I would give up everything just to have James. I guess it doesn't matter now, though.

By the time I arrive at the old house (located in scenic nowhere), I'm full on sobbing. Reaching into my purse, I take out the lighter and the box of matches, deciding which I'd rather use. After a few short minutes, I choose to stick with the lighter like I had originally planned.

In a hurry, I get out of the car, storming over to the front porch.. This place looks like dirt! If it was important, someone would have done some remodeling by now. Since that has happened, I'm assuming that it's not needed. So I smirk as I flicker the flame on and off, finally holding it to a random place on the ragged out home.

"That's right." I whisper. "Burn."

But the flame isn't enough. A bigger flame will be much more comforting. So I trade the lighter for a match, lighting it in a hurry. As strange as this may sound, fire has always brought me comfort. Seeing the pretty colors, feeling the warmth, it made me feel good. I guess most people consider that to be a problem.

"Come on, you can do better than that." I whisper, pushing a window open. Without giving it a second thought, I throw the lit match into the abandoned home. Since I'd rather not die anytime soon, I try to get as far away as possible. That way, I can watch from afar and not injure myself.

Of course, I didn't think about the attention that this would cause. After about fifteen minutes of watching the flames grow, sirens start blaring, nearly bursting my eardrums as they get closer. Crap! Okay, okay, I need to get out of here _fast. _

In a panic, I take off running, never looking back.

* * *

**James's POV**

"Jay, we need to talk about this."

"I don't wanna." I mutter in response. Ever since we got to his house, he has been bugging me about not taking my meds. He even had the nerve to threaten me with hospitalization! Last time I checked, I'm eighteen and can choose not to take that stupid medication. As far as I know, he can't force me back into treatment.

"Look, schizophrenia is a _mental illness_, a bad one, and you _need _to take your meds unless you wanna relapse."

I stay curled up on the couch, trying to block out the noise. I stare sadly at the TV screen, which is talking about my "Big Time Bar Meltdown." Wow, it sure didn't take anyone much time to blab to the tabloids about it. It's only been a few hours since it happened. This is exactly why I'm thinking about leaving show business for good!

"Well, I'm gonna make sure you take your medication from now on." Kendall says firmly, changing the TV to a different news channel. The image on the screen shows a house on fire, with firefighters trying to put it out. It doesn't really surprise us at first, then the reporter shows video of _Dominique _being _arrested._

"The hell?" Carlos murmurs, eyeing the TV.

"Told you she was crazy." Kendall mutters. I sit up and cross my arms, not wanting to believe what I'm seeing. The reporter is saying that the fire wasn't very serious, but that Dominique could possibly be charged with a misdemeanor. Now, here's my question. Did she seriously do this because of our fight?!

"Mama Knight, could you drive us to the police station?" My voice is strained and very angry sounding.

"Honey, I don't-"

"Please," I whisper. "Let's just go."

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

Great, just great. I wanted to start an innocent little fire and I got _arrested. _I might be charged with a misdemeanor and get up to a year in jail. My life is screwed all because I let James get to me. Well, can I help loving him? He's one of the few people I actually have a decent relationship with...and I lost him. I guess I figured that my life is screwed enough without him, so I might as well cause more trouble.

"You are unbelievable, you know that? You really are!"

I look up to see James approaching my cell door, looking more hurt than angry. This is nothing compared to how he acted at the karaoke bar just a few hours ago, but it's still depressing. I can't stand the idea of James being mad at me, but here he is. Something tells me that I drove the final nail into the coffin by starting the fire.

"Look, I-"

"No, listen to me!" He snaps. "I thought your days of causing destruction were over, but apparently not. You know, everyone warned me about you, but I never listened to them. Maybe I was wrong! Maybe I should have listened to them and _never _had anything to do with you!"

Those final words kill me. James doesn't mean that, right? I mean, we're best friends. We _care _about each other. Is he really willing to put an end to our friendship? All because I had one minor relapse? I mean, the fire wasn't serious and no one got hurt or killed, so I don't really think a fire should cause the end of our friendship.

"James-" I try to reach for his hand, but he pulls away.

"Wow, I've really learned a lot about you." James wipes his eyes. "You crave attention, you want fame, and you only like me because I'm James Diamond. You never liked me for me!"

"That's not true!" I cry, tears falling slowly. I truly cannot believe what I'm hearing. I don't wanna believe it. I can't possibly _live _without James. I mean, he's the first good thing that has happened to me in a while. We had a real good thing going and stupid me had to mess it up. How will I ever forgive myself?

"Don't lie!" James argues. "You and I both know that you're nothing more than a liar!"

"James, please-"

"Goodbye, Dominique." James murmurs bitterly. "Goodbye forever."

As soon as he's gone, I sink to the floor, completely speechless. Well, it's official. I hate myself now more than ever.

* * *

**Jo's POV**

"I can't believe she would do that!" I hear someone say as I enter the rehabilitation center.

"Yeah, she apparently had a total meltdown after her fight with James." Camille answers back. Frowning, I walk around the corner and enter the dining area, nearly freezing up when my eyes first land on Kendall. I've been putting off approaching Kendall since I arrived a few days ago, but Lucy finally _forced me _to visit him.

What am I suppose to say? Kendall's looking at me and I have no idea how to respond. I honestly feel like I could throw up. How can I face Kendall after cheating on him? I still feel like the world's worst girlfriend, so I don't know how I'm standing here right now.

"Jo..." Kendall exhales. "What are you doing here?"

"I..." I hesitate. "I guess I just...wanted to see you."

"Jo, we've got some major problems right now, so..." Logan starts to speak up, but Kendall quickly shushes him. After that, he returns to _comforting _James for whatever reason. Something tells me that Dominique did something really stupid. I've never met the girl, but Kendall's description of her hasn't been very positive.

"Can we talk?"

"Um...sure."

Smiling gratefully, I reach for his hand and lead him out of the dining area. I think there's a nice outdoor sitting area where we can have a little privacy. Of course, I don't necessarily care about privacy as long as I can talk to Kendall, but it's kind of nice.

"Okay, why are you here?" He questions. "How can you stand here, knowing that you cheated on me?"

"Because the guilt is driving me insane." I explain as we sit on a nice wooden bench. "Just listen to what I have to say. I...slept with Jett because I was confused. I was vulnerable and he was always telling me how amazing I am, and I allowed myself to be manipulated. Now that I've had time to think, I realized that actions are so much better than words."

I practically cringe at the silence, waiting anxiously for Kendall to speak up.

"Jo, I care about you a lot, but I don't think I can trust you yet." He finally whispers. "Everything is already falling apart and I can't take much more."

Well, that failed miserably.

"I'm sorry." I whisper softly. "I'm so, so sorry."

* * *

**Chapter summary**

_**Part 1: Dominique returned from the karaoke bar, frustrated after her very public fight with James just hours before. The stress caused her to get the urge to start another fire for comfort. Angry and desperate, she stole James's lighter and drove a few miles outside of Minneapolis to an abandoned house, where she committed yet another unexpected act of arson. Not too long after, someone must have seen the smoke and called 911, and Dominique attempted to run before the firemen could see her.**_

_**Part 2: At the beginning of this section, Kendall was lecturing James about not taking his meds. James didn't wanna hear it, of course. When Kendall turned the news on, they were shocked to see video of Dominique being arrested, due to the fire that she apparently started. This angered James deeply and he asked Mama Knight to drive him to the police station where Dominique was being held.**_

_**Part 3: James arrived at the police station and he angrily confronted Dominique about her relapse. He began explaining that the warnings about her from his friends might have been right after all. She tearfully tried to get him to hear her out, but to no avail. Eventually, he ended their friendship and exited the station, leaving Dominique in a state of shock.**_

_**Part 4: Since we haven't confronted Kendall and Jo's relationship yet, I decided to use this final part to address that. In this section, Jo finally approached Kendall after avoiding a confrontation for several days. She explained why she cheated on him, only to have him reject her. However, maybe Jendall isn't done yet;)**_

**Review! :D**


	34. Taken

**James's POV**

"What happened to 'sugar makes you fat'?" Dad teases while I gobble down a plate of brownies.

"Don't care anymore." I grumble, swallowing another brownie.

"Okay...well, I'm going back to bed." He tells me. "Lemme know if you need anything."

"Whatever." I mutter, continuing to stuff my face until he goes to his room. Once I'm sure he's out of sight, I sit the plate on the coffee table and sneak to his office, sitting at the desk. As I was coming home from visiting Logan, I made a decision about my face. I'm gonna end it and I'm gonna make sure I succeed this time.

After writing a fairly length note, I reach into one of the desk drawers and pull out a gun, shoving it into a pocket inside my jacket. With tears in my eyes, I hurry to the kitchen and grab Dad's car keys before sneaking out of the house. I'm sorry, but I can't take life anymore. It's just too much.

I drive twenty miles to the cemetery, barely holding back tears. I eventually make it to Mom's grave, getting down on my knees. It's been a few weeks since her death and I'm still struggling. Deep down, I realize she probably wouldn't _want _me to take my own life, but she'll get over it. I just can't take anymore.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, taking the gun out. I cry softly, pressing it against my temple.

"JAMES, DON'T!"

Before I can even respond, Kendall tries to grab the gun and pull it from my hands. I put up a fight, though. However, it's a fight that I'll most likely lose. Kendall finally gets it out of my reach and every time I try to grab it, he pulls it farther away. Why won't he let me put my suffering to an end?!

"What the hell are you doing?" He yells at me.

"Just go away!" I sob.

"No, I'm not going anywhere!" Kendall retorts, throwing the gun down. I try to reach for it, but he pulls me into his arms so I can't move. Once I'm too exhausted to fight, I simply break down and accept his comfort. Great, just great. Another _failed _suicide attempt. Why do they keep saving me? Wouldn't they be better off if I weren't around? Wouldn't we _all _be better off?

"Don't send me back to the hospital." I whisper. "Please don't."

"I...I won't." Kendall answers softly. "I won't."

I lay in his arms for an hour, trying to calm down. We never say a single word and the silence becomes quite aggravating. For some reason, I've never handled silence very well. All I've ever wanted is for someone to talk to me and take care of me. My mom tried her best, but she was frequently busy with work.

"I just want it to end." I whisper.

"Stay strong." Kendall replies. "For us."

* * *

**Kendall's PV**

"Jay..." I park in front of Mr. Diamond's house, looking over at my sleeping friend. I can't believe that I went for a late night drive, only to drive by the cemetery and find James attempting (once again) to take his own life. How can he do that? Doesn't he know how much we love him? He has friends and family that care about him and would be heartbroken if he died.

"Wake up, buddy." I say gently, touching his shoulder. I frown when he whimpers. He almost acts like he's getting sick. As I was helping him to the car, he looked like he could throw up. It really worries me, but the last thing I wanna do is aggravate him. After all, he's already upset. I better not make him feel worse.

"Kendall, I just wanna sleep." He mumbles, keeping his eyes closed.

I inhale deeply, looking in the rearview mirror. Carlos is pulling up to the curb in Mr. Diamond's car. I had Mrs. Garcia drop him off at the cemetery, so he could drive Mr. Diamond's car and James could ride with me. When he finally showed up, he nearly had a panic attack when he saw the gun.

"Carlos!" I stick my head out the window. "Help me get James out of the car!"

"Coming!" Carlos replies. We go around to the passengers side and I pull the door open, trying to figure out how to get a 6'1" guy into the house. Teamwork? There's just one problem, though. Carlos is...well, he's small. That's something I never say to his face, but it's true. He's like a cross between a mouse and a chihuahua!

"Why isn't James in bed?!"

Well, Mr. Diamond woke up. Oops...how can I explain that his son almost tried to kill himself again?

"Mr. D!" Carlos laughs nervously. "Hi!"

"What happened to my son, boys?"

"Um," I stutter, nudging James lightly. He still refuses to get out of the car. Ugh, this is awkward, frustrating, and so much more.

"I'll get him." Mr. Diamond sighs, approaching the car. With seemingly no difficulty at all, he pulls James from the car, carrying him into the house. Seriously, how can we explain this to him? I don't really wanna tell him what _really _happened. Since he's James's parent, you can almost be guaranteed that he would have James hospitalized.

"Okay," He says after laying James on the couch, turning to face Carlos and I. "What happened? Tell me the truth, the whole truth, and _nothing but the truth._"

"Hehe..." Carlos giggles, anxiously looking at me. Why is he doing that? I have no idea how to explain this? And why is he giggling like that?! This isn't funny at all! Our best friend attempted to take his life for the third time in only a few short months. Quite honestly, I think we should do something to help him. Maybe he _should _be hospitalized again.

"Okay, look," I say honestly. "I was out for a drive and when I drove by the cemetery, I found James holding a gun to his head. H-he was...he was gonna kill himself."

Mr. Diamond lowers himself onto the couch, glancing at his son before burying his face in his hands. Neither Carlos nor myself knows what to say. We can only imagine how it feels to have a mentally ill son, not knowing what you can do to help them. We feel just as helpless as he does.

"I...I need to go out for a while." He says, slowly standing up.

"D-dad? Where are you going?" James murmurs tiredly.

"Just...just out." Mr. Diamond answers, taking his keys from me and hurrying out the door. Um...okay...why do I have the feeling that he doesn't plan on returning anytime soon? He has the same look on his face that my dad had when he "went out" for "a while."

I have a _bad _feeling.

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"Kendall, it's been _hours_." I whine. "Where is he?"

"I don't know, buddy." Kendall sits on the floor.

"Do you think he...left again?" I ask worriedly, looking over at James. He's been sleeping ever since we brought him back home. It's good that he's getting some sleep, but it's hard for me to relax while knowing that Kendall saved him from an unexpected death. I just can't get over that. Why would he ever think of doing that to himself?

"Let's not worry about that just yet." I watch as Kendall gets up and walks to the kitchen, returning seconds later with a bottle of water and an Abilify pill for James.

"Jay," He whispers, gently shaking our buddy. "You need to take your medicine."

"Mmmm..."

"Come on, buddy." He encourages. "Just do it for us."

"Fine." James sighs, sitting up. I watch sadly as he rinses the medicine down, silently wishing that he didn't even need that stuff. I guess it's one of those things that can't be changed. His schizophrenia won't magically go away. It'll always be there, ready to torture him when he doesn't take the medication.

"Hey," He starts. "W-where's my d-dad?"

"Um," Kendall gulps. "He was a little upset when we told him what happened, so he went out for a little while. You know, to clear his mind."

"Right." James doesn't sound like he believes that. To be honest, I don't believe it either. Mr. Diamond only recently decided to start being a father to James, after being absent for most of his life. I wouldn't be surprised if he left _again. _I don't trust anyone with a history of abandoning their loved ones.

Knock! Knock!

"Can I come in?!"

"Jo?" Kendall frowns. "Um, yeah! Yeah, come in!"

"Hey, I stopped by your house, but your mom said that you were here." Jo says with a smile. When she sees our worried expressions, her smile turns to a frown. "What's going on?"

"Oh...it's nothing." Kendall lies through his teeth.

"You sure? Because you're acting _really _weird."

"Yeah, Jo, we're fine." Kendall answers impatiently. While he's trying to get rid of Jo's obvious suspicion, I direct my attention to James. You know, I've prayed for James a lot in the past few months and I'm doing it now. In my mind, I'm desperately praying that he'll finally find the inner peace that he deserves.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that Logan wants me to go ring shopping with him when he gets out of physical therapy." Jo informs us. "Oh, and you're not allowed to tell Camille _anything."_

"We won't say a word." Kendall promises. I take a deep breath, hoping that I can keep that promise. I've never been very good at keeping secrets. Before Kendall told Mr. Diamond about James's...attempt, I was tempted to speak up myself!

"Good." Jo nods. "And Kendall?"

"Yeah."

"It's really great to see you again."

* * *

**Chapter summary**

_**Part 1, 2, and 3: All three parts deal with James and his third suicide attempt, just from different POVs. **_

_**Part 1: This part shows James sneaking out of the house and driving to his mother's grave, where he ended up attempting to take his own life (again). Luckily, Kendall happened to be driving around and he found James, saving him just in time. This section finishes with Kendall comforting James and pleading with him to stay strong. The question is whether James will take his advice.**_

_**Part 2: In this section, Kendall drove a physically and emotionally exhausted James home, while Carlos followed in the vehicle that James had driven to the cemetery. To his and Carlos's shock, Mr. Diamond was wide awake and wondering why his son wasn't in bed. After getting James settled on the couch, Kendall was forced to tell the truth, that James had snuck out and attempted to end his life. Mr. Diamond was shocked and proceeded to exit the house, driving away.**_

_**Part 3: Hours later, Mr. Diamond still hadn't returned home and this worried Carlos. He knew about Mr. Diamond's history as an absent father, making him think that Mr. Diamond just might have abandoned James once again. Throughout this section, he silently expressed his desperation and concern for his friend. At the end of this section, we saw a brief Kendall/Jo moment, along with a surprising Lomille announcement;) Hey, I had to add a semi-happy moment to finish this very saddening chapter:P**_

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! The next chapter is gonna be focused on Logan and Camille;) By the way, there needs to be more Lomille on the show**

**Review! :D**


	35. Thinking

**Logan's POV**

"So I talked to James this morning. He sounded...different, but he wouldn't tell me what's wrong." Camille murmurs, laying beside me on my hospital bed.

"I honestly don't know what's up with him these days." I confess, my arm around her shoulders. Well, it's true! Every single time James visits, there's something very off. I don't like it at all, but I don't say anything because I don't wanna upset him. I mean, he seems so sensitive these days and I'm sure interrogating him would make him feel uncomfortable.

"What about Dominique? Is she still in jail?"

"Nope, Gustavo paid her bail." I answer. "And I don't think she's gonna be sentenced to jail. Instead, I've heard that she might be sentenced to extensive psychotherapy and behavioral therapy."

I look around the quiet room, my mind still highly focused on my mentally ill best friend. I called Kendall yesterday and he was acting as weird as James. Every time I mentioned James, he would get really quiet, which I don't find right at all. If I weren't trapped in this rehab center, I would do some serious interrogating.

"I'm kind of worried." Camille confesses. "You know, about everything."

"Like what?"

"Well, look at everything that has happened. All this drama with Dominique, James's schizophrenia, his two suicide attempts, Jo cheating on Kendall, your...situation, your dad and James's mom dying. It's pretty bad, you know?"

Now that really puts me in a sad mood.I hadn't really kept count of all the crap that has happened in the past few months. Since Camille has clearly made a list, I'm aware of more than I ever wanted to be aware of.

"Yeah, it is." I say quietly.

"Look, I didn't mean to make you feel-"

"No, it's fine!" I insist. However, it _did _make me feel bad. I just don't wanna make Camille feel guilty because of me and my sensitivity. She's clearly as stressed as I am, so I guess I should just keep quiet. The rehab center has plenty of counselors, so I can express my concerns to them instead. You know, if I ever _want to._

"This sucks, you know? I mean, why does this stuff happen? Every time I start thinking that things will go back to normal, someone gets another slap in the face."

I can only nod in agreement, keeping my eyes glued to the ceiling. I hate that every word she just said is true. Hardly anything good has happened lately. Life has been full of pain and suffering, like some invisible force is purposely trying to pull us under. I have to say that I feel the worse for James. He has to deal with more mental and emotional anguish than any of us.

"Do you think things will ever change?" Camille wonders.

"I hope so." I answer softly.

"I've been so confused lately. It seems like something is always going wrong and I've been trying to figure out, you know, why it's like that." She tells me. "When is something _good _gonna happen?"

I take a deep breath, remembering my conversation with Jo. Once I get out of here in a few weeks, she's gonna help me pick out an engagement ring for Camille. However, I should probably make sure that the answer will be "yes" before I spend a bunch of money. That's why I've asked Jo to do some "investigating."

That's something "good," right? A possible engagement is a great thing!

"Well, at least I have you." She smiles, kissing my cheek. She sure knows how to make me smile. She's been doing it for more than two years now and I know she'll continue. I hope I can do the same for her.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

I return to Logan's house at about 5:30 pm, sighing as I sit my purse on the coffee table. Mrs. Mitchell left a note on the hallway table, informing me that she went to the store. So I guess I'm on my own for now. I might text James and have him video chat with me. I don't really care to be alone at the moment.

_TEXT (to James): Video chat?_

_TEXT (to Camille): Sure_

I grin when he replies, putting my phone down. I grab my laptop and log on, opening Skype. Only minutes later, James appears on the screen, looking way too tired for my liking. Even worse, he looks like he has been crying. The friend in me wants to ask what's wrong, but I'd prefer not to be on the receiving end of James's mood swings.

"Hey, you feeling okay?" I smile at him.

"Honestly? I feel like dirt." James chuckles. I frown worriedly, although I can tell just by looking at him. The urge to interrogate him is still very existent, but I hold back just so I don't cause him more stress. I've learned from experience that most mentally ill people don't handle stress very well. It's sad, but true.

"Maybe you should get out of the house for a bit." I suggest.

"I think I'm getting a fever." James presses a hand against his cheeks and forehead. I eye him worriedly, almost tempted to go over there and check on him. However, I see Kendall in the background and I'm sure that he's got things under control. For now, I'm just gonna trust him.

"Hey, is there anything going on? When I talked to you on the phone this morning, you seemed a little off." I mention.

"Um...I..." James heaves a sigh. "I tried to kill myself the other night. I snuck out of my dad's house and drove to the cemetery with his gun."

"James-" My voice cracks.

"My dad left after Kendall told him and he hasn't come back." James wipes his eyes. "It's been almost two days and he's still not back."

I watch him with tears in my eyes, wishing that I could take his pain away. One thing I don't understand, however, is why he would make another attempt at taking his own life. He may be struggling, but he has plenty of people that love him. Sure, maybe most of Hollywood thinks he's insane, but the ones closest to him know better.

"Maybe you should see a counselor." I suggest.

"No!" James says urgently. "No, I don't...I'll be fine."

I look at him apprehensively, really not agreeing with his answer. I really think he should get some professional help, but I guess he's afraid of being hospitalized again. If he doesn't want the help of a counselor, he better be willing to accept the help of some good friends. Because I'm not leaving his side EVER.

"You sure?" I ask.

"Yeah." James replies with a small laugh. "Yeah, I'm okay."

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"I talked to the owner of this nice little jewelry shop downtown." Jo says, sitting beside me on the couch. "She showed me some of the most popular engagement rings and told me to pick my favorites. I personally like these two."

She hands me two pictures, one of each ring. The white gold band with the heart shaped diamond is beautiful, so it's a definitely maybe. However, I also love the other ring. It's a sterling silver band with a big diamond between two smaller diamonds. Well, this is gonna be a hard decision. Cam would love either one of these!

"Ugh, you pick." I say, handing the pictures back to her.

"I like the first one." Jo smiles. "It's simple, but still pretty. She'll love it."

"Yeah, I like it too."

"I'll tell the owner to reserve one." Jo tells me. I thank her as she puts the two pictures in her purse, suddenly thinking about her own relationship troubles. I shouldn't be so nice to someone that cheated on my best friend, but I don't think it would be right to be completely horrible to her. I mean, she was going through a lot and she probably just wanted someone to lean on.

"So," She starts. "You nervous about proposing?"

"Yeah, especially since I can't get down on one knee to do it." I mumble, looking at my wheelchair. Every day, I look at that thing and think about the fact that I'm never gonna walk again. That's a hard thing to accept, but I refuse to be miserable about something that can't be changed. That's not how I work. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason...and that there's no point in being miserable about unchangeable circumstances.

"I'm sure she won't mind." Jo assures me. I give her a soft smile, thankful for her assurance. When I look at Jo Taylor, I don't see someone that would cheat on her boyfriend. That's why I was so shocked when I found out what she did. I only hope that she and Kendall can work things out.

Meanwhile, I'll sit around and pray to God that Camille says yes to my proposal. I want to spend my life with her and I hope that she feels the same about me. If I propose and she says no, I'm gonna be _really _embarrassed.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go back to my hotel and make sure that Lucy hasn't destroyed it." Jo informs me, getting up. "I'll talk to the jewelry store owner about the ring tomorrow."

"Thanks." I wave, watching as she disappears from my sight. Now I can rest and hope that Camille will agree to marry me, even though we might be young. To me, age is just a number. Does Camille agree? I have no idea.

* * *

**I'll save the chapter summaries for the action packed, dramatic chapters:P This one was sweet and fluffy:P**

******Review! :D**

******Also, review chapter 34 if you haven't yet:)**


	36. Repair

**James's POV**

_You can stay at my place any time you want._

_Love, Victoria_

I frown at the text message on Dad's phone, which he forgot to take with him when he (apparently) walked out on me again. Normally, I'd realize that it's wrong to look through someone else's texts, but I don't care because I'm gonna do whatever it takes to find out where the hell my dad is. Now that I'm older, I'm not about to let him abandon me without an explanation.

Now, where is this Victoria chick's addr-ah ha! My dad's address book!

Sitting his phone on the dresser, I walk over to the end table and take the book from one of the drawers. Trust me, I know that this "Victoria" person is Dad's new...girlfriend. Therefore, he must have her address written down. Now that I think about it, he spends a lot of time out of the house, so I'm guessing that much of that time is spent with _her._

Sure enough, he has Victoria's address written on the first page. Ugh, it's sickening. Luckily, I know exactly where this is, so I can go over there and give my dad a peace of my mind. Quite honestly, he deserves it. I need his love and support, but he's spending his time with some woman. Really, I find it nauseating.

"Unbelievable!" I yell, storming down the stairs. I don't even bother asking for permission as I grab Kendall's car keys and exit the house. Dad's gonna choose a girl over his son? Not without knowing what I think!

* * *

Of course, Dad's car is parked in Victoria's driveway.

Clenching my jaw, I step out of the vehicle, approaching the front door. Words can't even describe how _infuriated _I am.

"James?"

Ugh...

"Dominique?" I question, becoming quite tense. "What are you doing here?"

"My mom lives her." She replies. My jaw drops as I turn around, facing her. There's no way, right? Yeah, there's no way that my dad and her mom are hooking up. They better be just friends. Please, please, PLEASE just be friends. Oh God, I'm freaking out. I mean, was Dad aware that Victoria is Dominique's mom?

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"DAD, OPEN UP!" I yell. I narrow my eyes, crossing my arms, and I impatiently wait for him to open the door. Boy, do I have a few choice words for him. It's bad enough that he ditched me after I attempted suicide, but I'll be even more infuriated if I find out that he's been messing around with my...former friend's mom.

"James!" He seems alarmed when he first sees me. I only glare at him, making sure that he knows how I feel about him being _here _and not at home. I mean, really, who hooks up with their son's best friend's mom? What normal, classy person does that? Did he ever think about one particular possibility? The fact that I might still love Dominique, but I'll be unable to date her if our parents are dating?

Don't get me wrong. I'm still _very _upset with her, but that doesn't mean that I don't have _some _pleasant feelings toward her.

"Dad, were you aware that Victoria is Dominique's _mom_?"

"N-no?"

"Dominique?" Victoria frowns.

"Shut it, mother." Dominique growls. I shake my head, giving my dad an angry look. I am honestly furious about his dishonesty. How could he leave me at home alone just so he can be with her? He just walked out, didn't return for _days_, and I had to resort to snooping to find out where he was! If I weren't such a nice person, my fist would be in someone's face right now.

"Nice outfit, Victoria." I state sarcastically. She's wearing tiny denim shorts and a tight visiting tank top. Quite honestly, she looks like a skank. Hey, I'm just being honest!

"James, Victoria and I are just friends!" Dad insists. "We went to the same high school!"

I look at him apprehensively, not certain that I believe him. Although, he does seem pretty convincing. I sure hope he's telling the truth! I don't think I can stand the idea of him dating Dominique's mom.

"Yeah, I'm leaving." Dominique states flatly, walking away.

"You know what? Have fun with your friend." I whisper before returning to my car. I think he's telling the truth, but that doesn't mean that I'm just gonna forgive him for abandoning me. I tried to kill myself and he ran to a old classmate's house. What decent parent does that? Well, I don't think I can ever trust him after that. I've been hurt way too many times and I...I'm done.

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

I don't care that James's dad and my mom are friends. Quite frankly, I can't stand either one of them. I'm just mad that Mr. Diamond ditched James so he could stay at her house. Since this whole situation is so stressful and confusing, I've got some electronic cigarettes to calm me down. Since my arson incident, I'm not allowed to touch lighters, so I bought these to satisfy my nicotine craving.

"Well, life sucks and then you die." I mutter, sitting on the hood of my car.

"I am so done with my dad."

I look up and see James approaching my car. I nod, watching as he lights a cigarette of his own. Trust me, I would love to get my hands on that lighter, but I don't trust myself either. I really do wanna get better, but it's hard. My addiction to fire is seemingly uncontrollable sometimes. There have been times where I've locked myself in the restroom, away from anything fire related, because the urge was so strong.

"I was done with my mom a long time ago." I reply bitterly.

"Parents can be a pain, huh?" James chuckles. I give him a curious look, wondering why he's being so nice to me. Not too long ago, he acted like he hated me, but now he's being nice. I hope he plans on giving me an explanation. I'm really confused right now.

"Yeah..." I say slowly.

"I tried to kill myself the other day."

"You did _what_?!" I whisper harshly. I jump off the hood, whipping around to face him. I wanna say that he's joking, then I see the look on his face. He looks completely honest, which terrifies me. I can't believe that he would try that _again. _Attempting to jump off the roof landed him in a mental hospital, overdosing on pills nearly killed him, and he made a _third attempt_? Really, James?

"I stole my dad's gun."

"JAMES DAVID DIAMOND!" I punch his shoulder, huffing angrily.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"For being an idiot!" I snap, rubbing my temples. I walk toward the lake, keeping my arms crossed. I don't understand why he would try to harm himself again. Is it because of me? Did I drive him to suicide? If that's the case, then I'm clearly a terrible person. I mean, what kind of friend-

"It's not your fault."

"Are you kidding me?" I snort. "You were getting better until I screwed everything up."

"Ugh, just shut up." James mutters, putting out his cigarette. Before I can say another word, he kisses me, more passionately than I've ever been kissed before. While my brain is telling me to leave it at this, my hands are already unbuttoning his shirt. My gosh, this is so wrong. Is this seriously how we should be making up?

Next thing I know, we're in the back seat of my car, making out. Trust me, I've had my fair share of...experiences, but I want things to be different with James. He's so much different than any other guy I've known. I don't want to treat him like "just some guy." He's a special guy and he deserves to be treated like one.

"Okay, that's enough." I laugh nervously. I'm straddling his waist, which is really awkward, but I'm happy to get such an amazing view of his face. Still, this is weird on so many levels, especially since we're barely making up. Yeah, I think I should back off. This is getting weird.

"Why?"

"Because you're better than other guys." I explain, running my fingers through his hair. "To me, you're not just another play toy. You deserve more than that."

"I don't see how." James chuckles. I smile softly, giving him a gentle kiss. Then I begin buttoning his shirt back up, squeaking every time his hands rub my sides. I'm trying hard to resist this boy, but he's not making it easy.

"Hands off, pretty boy."

"Rude!"

"Deal with it."

"Hey, I-"

"Shhh!" I whisper, pressing my lips against his. I want less talking, more kissing. Yep, that's _all _I want.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

I love my friends like brothers, but Carlos and Logan are giving me a headache. For the past twenty minutes, they've been arguing over the stupidest thing: whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable. Logan thinks that it's a fruit and Carlos thinks that it's a vegetable. Don't ask me how that conversation got started,

"Fruit!"

"Logan, every normal person knows that a tomato is a vegetable!"

"Yeah, you _would _think that! After all, you never read, so you're oblivious!"

"I still say that it's a vegetable."

"Do either one of you wanna get my boot in your-" Lucy starts to threaten. Familiar laughter interrupts her. When we look at the front entrance, James and Dominique are entering hand in hand. As soon as Carlos sees this, he whines like a puppy. Hey, we all know that he has some bad feelings toward Dominique.

"Well, I'm gonna get some food!"

I try to protest, but Lucy exits the lobby before I get the chance. Anyway, about the apparently couple in front of us...why? I mean, I want James to be happy, but I don't get why he would choose someone like Dominique. She has caused him so much stress, so I just don't understand why he would let her back into his life.

"Logan?" Carlos gulps.

"Yeah, Carlitos?"

"Can you whack me over the head with a cane or something?"

"Well-"

"No!" I say sternly. We watch as James gives his _girlfriend_ a piggyback ride, flinching upon hearing her excited squeals. Luckily, a hospital staffer calmly tells them to quiet down. Oh, thank goodness!

"Hey, guys!" James waves.

Since we don't wanna start trouble, we just smile and wave. Yep, just smile and wave. That's all we need to do. Just smile, wave, and...support this relationship.

Oh, who am I kidding? We're not happy about this at all!

* * *

**Chapter Summary**

_**Part 1: James did some snooping in this section. As you already know, his dad walked out after learning about his third suicide attempt, and he hadn't returned for days. Well, James got sick of waiting and decided to find out. He was shocked to discover that his dad might have been at this Victoria's house. Infuriated by the thought, he took Kendall's car keys and went to confront his dad.**_

_**Part 2: Well, he confronted his dad and got quite a shock when he learned that Victoria is Dominique's estranged mom. Luckily, Mr. Diamond explained that he and Victoria are simply old high school friends. Although this relieved both James and Dominique, James couldn't deal with his father's neglect and abandonment, finally choosing to distance himself from the man. **_

_**Part 3: Dominique drove to a lake and smoked some electronic cigarettes, while thinking about her mom's friendship with Mr. Diamond. She doesn't mind this, but she definitely minds Mr. Diamond's inability to be a father to James. Finally, James arrived and he informed her about his recent suicide attempt. She was angry at first, then her anger turned to self blaming. However, this section ended with them making up (and making out in the back of his car) and finally becoming a couple.**_

_**Part 4: Kendall, Carlos, and Lucy visited Logan. At the beginning of the section, Carlos and Logan were having a silly argument, but it was all interrupted when James and Dominique arrived, surprising the group by acting so couple-like. As you might have been able to tell, neither Kendall or Carlos is very happy about it. Will they accept the relationship? Will they confront James and Dominique about it?**_

_**Hey, I wanna know your opinions on these chapter summaries:) Should I keep doing them?**_

_**Also, I ate some delicious Chinese food;)**_

_**Review! :D**_

_**PS: The next chapter is VERY CUTE:P It's a Lomille chapter**_


	37. Engaged

**Logan's POV**

"Griffin wants me, Kelly, and Dominique back in LA by next week!" Gustavo complains.

"Well, I'm not going!" Dominique replies.

"You shut it!" Gustavo snaps.

While they argue about the future of Rocque Records, I'm clutching Camille's engagement ring in my hand. This morning, Jo and I went to the jewelry store and bought the ring, so that part's over. Now I have to actually propose and I'm feeling terribly anxious about it. What if I embarrass myself?

"Here's what Gustavo and I were thinking." Kelly states. "Maybe we should go back to our original plan and bring Big Time Rush back."

I frown, looking down at my wheelchair. I emit a shaky breath, wheeling myself away from the dining table. In case they've forgotten, I'm never gonna walk again, so Big Time Rush will have to become a trio. It's not like I'll be able to do the routines to our songs, so I don't see how BTR will ever be the same. Oh, right! It _won't__._

"Maybe we should think about it." Kendall sighs. I can feel his eyes on me, but I'll just ignore it. Camille, on the other hand, doesn't waste time just sitting there. Instead, she follows me, which I'm actually quite thankful for. To be truthful, I'd like to propose to her now...and hope that she doesn't reject me.

"Okay, talk to me." She says once we're on the back patio.

"Cam, Big Time Rush will have to continue without me." I inform her. "I'm in a wheelchair for God's sake!"

"I know." Her voice is low. Only seconds later, she's hugging my shoulders from behind. I breathe in, still holding that ring in my hand. Gosh, what should I do? The most obvious choice is to suck it up and ask the question, but I'm becoming more terrified by the minute. I've heard stories about guys proposing to their girls and being turned down, being left alone and heartbroken. The thought gives me a sick feeling in my stomach.

"Um.."

"What?"

"There's something that I've been...wanting to ask you." I inform her, turning my chair so I'm facing my (hopefully) future fiancee. Dear God, please tell me that that this girl wants to become my wife. I've been praying for weeks and, at times, have practically given myself a panic attack.

"And what would that be?" She asks, sitting on my lap.

"Will you marry me?" I open my right hand to reveal the ring.

"Y-yes...Yes!" Camille laughs, throwing her arms around my neck. Well, that was unexpected. I didn't think that she would say yes right away. I figured that she'd wanna have a careful conversation about it, but apparently I was wrong. Anyway, I'm thrilled!

With a smile on my face, I slip the ring onto her wedding finger before she kisses me.

Well, I thought that this would be a private moment, but Carlos is watching us through the screened door. His eyes are wide open, his jaw has dropped, and he has that all too familiar "OMG" look on his face. The minute Camille smiles and raises her left hand, he drops to the floor.

Awkward...

* * *

**Three hours later**

"Logan, if you can't go back to LA, then we're not going either." Kendall says adamantly.

"Look, it's okay." Logan insists. "You guys can make a comeback and I'll settle down with Camille. It's fine!"

I give him an apprehensive look. Does he really think that BTR will be any fun without him? Because it won't be! The band is so much better with four of us, not three. I'm happy that he's getting married, but Big Time Rush isn't gonna be a threesome just because he'll have a wife to keep him happy.

"We're not doing BTR without you." Kendall argues. Meanwhile, I find myself glancing over at the girls. They're watching TV in the living room and giggling over Camille's ring. Even Dominique seems excited. She's not usually an overly excited person, but she's squealing right along with Jo, Lucy, and Camille.

"I was looking at some BTR videos on Youtube and a lot of fans are begging for more Big Time Rush." Logan explains. "Don't let our fans down."

"Logan, it won't be any fun without you." Carlos whines.

"Hey, maybe I can do something else." Logan suggests. "I could always ask Gustavo if I can do some behind-the-scenes work. Besides, Camille has her acting career, so we'll obviously have to live in LA. It's not like I'm gonna stay in Minnesota while you guys are in Cali."

He has a point, but there's still a problem. Fans love Logan as a performer, so I don't know if they'll wanna see BTR without Logan. He may be "the nerd" and he's not the best dancer, but girls see him as being cute, energetic, and funny. In fact, he might be the running for the most popular BTR guy. Next to me, of course.

"The guy from Glee sings and dances in a wheelchair!" Carlos states enthusiastically. "You can be like him!"

"I highly doubt that I could pull that off." Logan chuckles.

Ugh, I almost forgot to take my afternoon meds. In the morning, I take my Abilify and I take Prozac (antidepressant) later in the day. It's almost six thirty, so this is about the right time to take my daily Prozac pill. I find it hard to believe that I have to take this stuff, but I'd prefer not to have another relapse.

The problem is that it does cause weight gain, but I'm careful about what I eat, which helps me keep it under control.

Walking to the restroom, I reach into the medicine cabinet. I grab the bottle of Prozac and put one pill in my hand. In a few seconds, I rinse it down with a cool glass of water.

"The doctor gave you Prozac?"

"Yeah." I say in response to Camille's question.

"Well, if it'll help you, then I guess it's a good thing." She says, all while admiring the rock on her left hand. I was honestly surprised when Carlos woke up (after fainting) and started screaming that Logan and Camille are engaged. However, I think it's a really good thing. They deserve happiness!

"Maybe Logan will let me be the best man." I laugh.

"You never know." Camille grins, playfully punching my shoulder. With a tiny chuckle, I put my medicine away, following her out of the restroom.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

Later in the night, while everyone else is asleep, I'm still awake and looking at my ring. It's such a _beautiful _ring. Just think, I'm getting married to the love of my life. I wasn't exactly expecting a proposal so soon, but I'm happy that it happened. Although, the idea of getting married young is a bit intimidating.

"You're still awake?"

"Hey!" I whisper, glancing at Logan. With a smile, I give him a loving kiss. "And yes, I'm still awake."

I rest my head on his chest, closing my eyes as he wraps his arms around me. James and Dominique were nice enough to let us sleep their room, so I guess that's good. Speaking of James, I saw a hint of the "old James" today. When I talked to him in the restroom, he had a genuine smile on his face. That's something I haven't seen in quite some time.

"Better get some sleep." Logan warns. "I was thinking that we could start talking about the wedding tomorrow. You know, if you want."

"Well, why don't we start now?" I suggest. "It's obvious that we're not tired, so we might as well talk about something!"

I kiss his cheek, thinking. This amazing guy is gonna be my husband. A lot of people might ask why I'd tie myself down by marrying a disabled person, but I don't have a problem with it. Marrying Logan won't "tie me down," even though my dad might say otherwise. I love him and I'm willing to take care of him, and that's all that matters.

"I've always wanted an outdoor wedding." I inform him.

"That makes two of us! I think it would be great to be surrounded by nature on our wedding day. As for the reception, I was thinking about reserving the ballroom at some fancy hotel."

"Ooh, classy!" I say flirtatiously, straddling his waist. I kiss him with even more enthusiasm, squealing when he tickles me. My gosh, he always manages to take me by surprise!

"Come here!" He smirks, pushing himself into a sitting position. I kiss him again, forgetting that the door is wide open. I start to pull his shirt off until a certain someone decides to so rudely interrupt us.

"Are you two busy?"

"Yes, Dominique, we are!" Logan states impatiently.

"Well, I-"

"Get out!" I groan. To our relief, she hurries out of the room, leaving us to make out for a while longer before getting a good night's sleep. After all, that's something that none of us have gotten in a while.

* * *

**Review! :D**


	38. Relief

**James's POV**

"Any reason I'm here?" I question as I am dragged into the bridal store.

"Because you're good at choosing outfits!" Camille explains. I heave a sigh as she and Dominique pull me over to a dress on display. It's certainly a beautiful dress. It kind of looks like something that a princess would wear. It's floor length, lacy from the waist up, silky from the waist down...If this is the dress that she's considering, I definitely approve.

"This is the one that I'm thinking about." She smiles. "I wanna know what you think."

"I like it." I say, my fingers lightly brushing the fabric. I feel weird being a guy in a girly bridal shop, but I guess I'm just helping a friend. Ever since Camille got engaged, she has been obsessing over the wedding plans. So far, she and Logan have decided to get married at the beach in Malibu with a reception at the Four Seasons hotel ballroom.

"Ma'am? Yeah, I'd like to try this on." Camille tells one of the employees.

"Of course!" The young woman smiles, grabbing the correct size off one of the racks. With a surprising amount of enthusiasm, she leads Camille toward a dressing room. While she's trying the gown on, Dominique and I stand nearby, occasionally sharing a sweet kiss or two.

* * *

"You got it?" Jo smiles hopefully.

"Sure did!" Camille says as we sit at a table in the food court.

"She showed it to me the other day." Jo informs Dominique and I. "It's gorgeous!"

I smile softly, looking at my surroundings. While they discuss the wedding, my mind drifts off to something else. Specifically, my experience with the monster that is schizophrenia. I just wonder if I'll ever be able to live a somewhat normal life. There has been a lot of talk about BTR making a comeback, but I just don't know if it'll work. Not like Logan's condition, you know? Or even mine for that matter!

"The guys need to get their tuxes." Dominique points out, ruffling my hair. I give her a look, giving her a silent reminder about not messing it up, I worked hard to get it perfected this morning, so I'd like to keep it looking good. Now, I normally don't care, but I don't wanna look like I just got out of bed. Not in public!

"I'm taking them tomorrow." Camille states. I give an awkward thumbs up and get out of my seat, frowning as a I turn around. To be honest, we've been planning this wedding for a little more than a month and I'd prefer to rest. Of course, I guess it's pretty exciting. I mean, my best friend is getting married, so I'll just suck it up and try to enjoy even the most tiring tasks.

"After Logan and Camille get married, I better hear about a BTR comeback." Lucy approaches me at the drink machine. I roll my eyes, putting 50 cents in the machine. She and our Rushers have been all over us to make a comeback. I know it might sound like a good idea, but I'm not sure if I can risk humiliating myself again.

"Honestly don't know if that'll happen." I grab my drink, a can of Coca Cola, and open it, taking a nervous sip. Does she think I'm Superman or something?

"Come on!" Lucy whines. "My cousin loves you guys and she'll be so sad if you don't get back together!"

"Lucy-"

"Please..."

I cringe upon seeing her puppy dog face. She's been spending too much time with Carlos. His puppy dog face is his secret weapon. When he wants something, all he has to do is make that face and he gets whatever he wants. It works on everyone except me, Kendall, and Logan. We're not heartless or anything, but we've seen that face way too many times.

"The guys and I are still thinking about it, okay?" I explain. "I'll talk to them when we get home."

"So that's a maybe?"

I sigh softly. "Yeah, it's a maybe."

* * *

"Do you think we should do it?" Carlos wonders.

"I think we should." Kendall nods.

"But what about me? How am I gonna do anything?" Logan frowns.

"Be like the guy from Glee!" Kendall reminds him. "He's in a wheelchair, but he still performs with the glee club!"

I'm guessing everyone's on board. Well, if the guys are up to it, I suppose I am too. I'm definitely nervous about the idea, but I've kind of missed singing and dancing with my friends. Now that the worst of our controversies have blown over, now just might be the right time to plan on a comeback. We've grown up a lot in these past few months, so we might even be able to show off a whole new side of Big Time Rush! Our songs can be more mature, more personal, just better all around!

Come to think of it, I'm getting kind of excited now.

"Besides, Gustavo's been there for us! Sort of..." Kendall hesitates. "We don't want his career to fail! Let's at least do it for him."

I shrug as I swallow my daily Prozac pill, inhaling as I sit the bottle of the counter. I already took my Abilify this morning. Now, this brings me to an important issue. When Big Time Rush returns to the spotlight, how can I explain my situation to the fans? I know other stars that have been very open about past addictions and mental health problems. Should I be like them?

"I'm sure all the ladies will be excited to see James again!" Carlos teases. Dominique shoots him a death glare and I smile, walking over to her. She's very temperamental when it comes to other girls hitting on me. If BTR is making a comeback, I'm gonna have to have a talk with my girl about being nice to my fans.

"Except for ones that still insist that I'm insane."

"If anyone says that to your face, I'll rib them to shreds."

"Thank you, Dominique, for your...commentary."

"I have a baseball bat. A metal one."

"Carlos!"

I lay my head in Dominique's lap and laugh at Carlos's announcement. It feels so good to laugh, especially since the past few months have been so crazy and stressful. I've spent so much time doubting myself and my future, not to mention whether I ever wanna live or not. So much conflict, so much fear, so many tears...Now I finally feel like things are looking up.

"Who likes the idea of a buffet for the wedding?" Logan suggests.

"I do!" Carlos immediately raises his hand.

"Of course you do, buddy."

* * *

"JAMES DIAMOND, DON'T YOU DARE!"

But I spray her with the hose anyway, laughing as she becomes drenched in water. Her jaw drops and she snatches the hose from me, returning the gesture. I smirk as I grab the hose again, spraying her before running to another part of the back yard. She screams and chases after me, but I keep running.

"You guys are such dorks!" Jo calls out.

"We know!" I reply, not expecting it when Dominique jumps on me, knocking me to the ground. I groan, then I laugh softly. Once we look into each other's eyes, the teasing is forgotten and we end up sharing a loving kiss. Complaints from our friends are heard, but as usual, we ignore their protests.

"I'm gonna grow old and die alone!" Carlos whines, storming into the house.

"Not necessarily!"

"Whaaa..." Carlos's voice is low as someone enters the back yard, through the front gate. Dominique and I stop making out just long enough to see Stephanie standing there. Stephanie King is this girl the guys and I met during our first few months in LA. Long story short; she made a low budget horror film, made us all think the Palm Woods was haunted, and ended up "sort of" dating Carlos. Then she graduated early, moved to New York City for college, and her relationship with Carlos ended.

"Hey!" Stephanie smiles.

"Wha-what-huh?" Carlos faints, much to everyone's surprise. He has this thing where he faints whenever he gets too excited. I'm just relieved that he didn't faint when he saw Demi Lovato at the Tween Choice Awards last year. Instead, he ran after her screaming "DEMI!" It was embarrassing, both for us and poor Miss Lovato.

"So..." Stephanie says awkwardly. "I heard that Camille and Logan are getting married."

"Yeah, we are..." Logan says slowly, looking at our unconscious friend. Kendall sighs heavily, grabbing Carlos's feet and pulling him into the house. Okay, I don't really know how to respond to that. Well, I'm busy cuddling on the ground with my girlfriend, so I guess I shouldn't care. Trust me, Carlos will wake up in thirty minutes or so.

"Steph, what are you doing here?" Jo asks.

"I'm taking a year off from school." Stephanie answers. "So I thought I'd visit Minnesota. I stopped by Carlos's place, but his parents said that he was at Logan's place. So...here I am!"

Dominique and I get off the ground, brushing the dirt off our clothes. I can't believe how many surprises we've been getting. First, Logan and Camille's engagement. Now Carlos's old girlfriend is here? I'm glad that it's all good stuff, though. After all, we could all use a break from the negative.

"Can someone please say something?" Logan gulps after a long period of silence.

"Where's the food?" Dominique questions.

"The kitchen, Dominique." Lucy says calmly. "The kitchen."

"Thanks, Blondie!" Dominique waves, kissing my cheek before walking into the house. That leaves Logan, Camille, Jo, Lucy, Stephanie, and I alone in the backyard.

* * *

**_No lengthy summary for this chapter:) It basically just shows James and his friends beginning to move on after all the trouble that they've been through. Instead of worrying about the negative things, everyone is focused on planning Logan and Camille's wedding, the guys decided to make a "big time comeback," and Stephanie returned! :)_**

**Review! :D**


	39. Documented

**Carlos's POV**

"Carlos...Carloooosss...Carlitos...CARLOS!"

"AH!" I roll off the couch, hitting the group with a "thump!" Groaning, I look up at Stephanie, not believing my eyes. She's suppose to be in New York, attending college at NYU. What is she doing in Minnesota when she's suppose to be at college? Did I inhale too many corndog fumes or something? I'm pretty sure I'm hallucinating.

"You okay? You fainted as soon as you saw me." She asks with a sheepish smile.

I give her a disbelieving look, completely uncertain about what I should say. I was totally into her when she lived in LA and she felt the same about me, then she went to college and we drifted apart. Now she's back and I'm freaking out, which could either be a good thing or a bad thing.

"Look, I'm taking a year off from school to focus on my filmmaking." She explains. "I knew you guys were in Minnesota, so I thought I'd visit."

"Um, it's...um...it's great to see you again?" I stutter, just knowing that my cheeks must be bright red. I'm acting like a total idiot! My ex-girlfriend, whom I still care about, is right in front of me and I'm doing nothing but embarrassing myself. My gosh, what am I thinking? I've got this beautiful girl in front of me and I'm acting like an idiot.

"Do you need something to drink?" She asks slowly.

"N-no?" I stutter again. "I...already had some sweet tea earlier."

"Okay." Stephanie smiles, patting my head before walking to the kitchen. I crawl back onto the couch, trying to understand what just happened. Ex-girlfriend is back, best friend is getting married, other best friend is dating a devil child, and I'm _really _confused. In fact, it's giving me a headache.

Whining in frustration, I lay down and bury my face in a pillow. I might as well lay here for the rest of the day, since I obviously have no business interacting with girls...or any human beings for that matter!

* * *

**Stephanie's POV**

Does Carlos even want me here? I showed up and he didn't even give me a hug. He seemed nervous too. Sometimes I just don't understand him.

I guess that's what attracted me to him, though. I've always enjoyed a challenge and Carlos is a lot more complicated than people think he is.

On a different note, I'm spending the next year in LA to focus entirely on making some amazing new films. My latest project is a short documentary about mental illness. I'm actually hoping to interview James, since he has schizophrenia and all. I'm not sure if he'd be up to it, though. It might even insult him if I ask!

A frown stays on my face as I step outside, watching as James does his famous backflip. I guess everyone else went inside.

Quietly, I take my camcorder from my purse and begin filming James. I stifle a laugh when he falls on his rear, wondering if he realizes that he's being filmed. If I wanna include him in my documentary, I know I should ask him for permission. The last thing I want is for him to sue me or something like that.

"Um, any reason you're filming my boyfriend?"

"Well, I was gonna ask him if I could interview him for my documentary... about mental illness." I explain to his girlfriend. Can I be honest and say that I already don't like this chick? I don't even know her, yet I'm already forming some pretty strong opinions. She seems controlling, possessive, and rude!

I wonder if I'd get in trouble for hitting her.

"A documentary?" James questions.

"Yeah, I wanna explore the life of someone with mental illness." I tell him. "Since you're so famous and you have schizophrenia, I thought that you'd be the perfect star. Besides, this is your chance to tell your story!"

"James-"

"I'll do it." James smiles. "Come on."

I give his girl a triumphant smile, leading James back into the house. We'll do the interview in the office. I think I might be more excited for this project than any other I've done. It'll be the perfect way to raise awareness about mental illness! It'll also show that mentally ill people can go on to live happy, somewhat normal lives!

"So...what am I suppose to do?" James asks me.

"Just talk! You know, tell your story."

"Okay..." James doesn't sound so confident, but I give a smile in hopes of changing that. "Well, I'm eighteen and I was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia in May of this year. For a few months, I had been hearing voices and I thought that everyone was out to get me. Then I finally reached my breaking point one night and tried to jump off the roof of the Palm Woods, but Kendall stopped me and I was hospitalized. I ended up going to a mental institution for a little more than two months."

"Keep going!" I encourage.

"I basically...I basically went insane. For quite a while after my diagnosis, I was very quiet and closed off. I wouldn't talk to anyone and when they tried to talk to me, I would lash out. However, I slowly began to recover as time went on. I'm taking Abilify and Prozac to keep it under control. I've learned that you can't stop taking your meds no matter what because it can cause a relapse."

I furrow my eyebrows as he stops speaking. He seems kind of sad now. Maybe I shouldn't have...no! No, this is a _good_ thing. I'm giving him the opportunity to speak out. I'm _helping _him, aren't I? Well, I'm certainly trying to.

Look, I'm skipping school this year for two reasons. One, to (hopefully) rekindle my relationship with Carlos. Two, to farther my directing career! I wanna start off with an amazing, dramatic documentary about a promising young musician dealing with mental illness.

I know I should have warned everyone that I would be here, but I guess I wanted to surprise my friends.

"Anyway," James continues. "I know that there was a lot of controversy this year about me and an incident with Logan. I just want everyone to know that I would never do anything to hurt my friends. Any incidents occurred when I was at a very fragile place in my life." He breathes in. "And I can't promise that I won't still struggle sometimes. Schizophrenia isn't something that just...it doesn't just go away. It'll always be there. It's something that I'll deal with for the rest of my life."

I smile softly, keeping the camera focused on him. I hope the guys are okay with us doing this. I know how protective of each other they are, especially James. If they're not okay with James being the star of my film, then I'm in big trouble. It's completely harmless, though. I mean, I'm not gonna portray James in a bad light, like the media has done in recent months.

"Overall, my life is pretty normal. I still love singing and dancing, I love hockey, I love playing video games, I have a girlfriend, and I feel better than I ever have." He states. "So I can definitely say that it does get better. Don't ever think that it's completely hopeless, because it's not."

"How's that?" He asks me.

"Great job." I grin, turning the camcorder off. "Although, I might wanna film you more later. You know, to get footage of you just...living."

"Right." James chuckles, getting up. "Oh, and you should definitely spend some time with Carlos. He's missed you a lot."

* * *

**Carlos's POV**

"You guys are okay with this, right?"

"Sure." I shrug. To be truthful, I think it's great that she's doing a documentary about James. He's a great guy that had some struggles. The world thinks that he's crazy, but they might realize the truth if James and his loved ones participate in Stephanie's short film. I want everyone to know that schizophrenia doesn't define who James is.

"There's a wedding to plan and you guys are blabbing to a camera!" Camille complains.

"It's for James, baby." Logan reminds her.

"Oh...right."

"Kendall, let's start with you!" Stephanie suggests.

"Okay," Kendall takes a deep breath. "James is one of the funniest, nicest guys that you will ever meet. When you talk to him, you can't even tell that he has schizophrenia unless you know him or he tells you. He acts so normal, you know? The guys and I are so proud of how far he has come since his hospitalization."

I nod in agreement, giving Logan a high five. Stephanie giggles behind the camera, making it hard for me to not smile. I've really missed hearing her laugh. I know a lot of people think that I've moved on, but I don't know if that's entirely true. I think about her all the time and I occasionally have found myself wishing that she were my girlfriend again.

"You guys can talk too." She encourages.

"A few months ago, everyone was kind of mad at James because they thought he had assaulted me. Well, he didn't. He pushed me once, but he wasn't in his right mind. I agree with Kendall about James being normal. If you don't know him, you won't be able to tell that he's mentally ill. He has changed, but in a good way."

"I think he has really grown up in the past few months" Kendall nods. I give a half hearted smile. He's right about that! James _has _changed, but I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Sure, he's not totally self absorbed anymore, but he's not my crazy and playful buddy either.

"He's also taken, ladies." Dominique teases.

"Go away, monster!" I say coolly. That earns me a glare from James, who hates my nickname for his girlfriend. I'm just calling it as I see it, you know? In my opinion, Dominique is a monster. A pretty, sexy, crazy, dangerous monster. I'm not sure whether I should find her annoying or attractive.

"Guys, the film!" Stephanie reminds us. In a hurry, the three of us direct our attention back to the camera, smiling awkwardly.

Impending wedding? Check. Best friend's annoying-as-hell girlfriend? Check. My ex-girlfriend in the same room? Check. Questioning my own sanity? CHECK.

* * *

**No chapter summary! Some aren't very eventful and don't need a summary:P**

**Review! :D**


	40. Wedding

**Camille's POV**

"Something old?"

"Check!" I chirp, admiring the pearl necklace passed down from my grandmother.

"Something new?"

"Check!" That would be my gown.

"Something borrowed?"

"Got it!" I giggle, showing off the flower hair clip from Jo.

"Something blue!" Jo squeals, handing me a pair of dangling sapphire earrings.

I heave a sigh as I put the earrings on, glancing at my reflection in the full length mirror. I, my bridesmaids, and maid of honor (Jo) are in a gorgeous suite at the Raddison Plaza. After a few weeks of intense planning, the day has come for me to become Mrs. Camille Mitchell. Oh, I'm thrilled!

Furrowing my eyebrows, I raises my eyes to the clock on the wall.

3:30 pm.

Thirty more minutes until I walk down that red carpeted aisle. Little by little, my breath becomes shaky, my muscles tighten, and I gulp. I'm about to get married. I'm truly excited, but the closer the moment gets, the more anxious I become. Okay...okay...I can do this. I can do this, right?!

"Cam? Mrs. Miiiiitcheeeelll?"

"Oh...my...God..."

"What?" Jo snorts.

"What if I fall on my face?"

"You are _not _gonna fall on your face." Jo insists.

I shake my head, emitting a shaky breath as my fingers brush the soft fabric of my wedding gown. I can't allow herself to get overly anxious. Just three days ago, Logan was practically in a panic over our first kiss as husband and wife, being worried about the fact that _I _would have to kneel down to kiss _him._

"Do you think we're doing the right thing?"

"Cam, you better not be having second thoughts." Jo warns, pointing a finger at me. I inhale, pushing a stray hair behind my ear. I decided to wear my hair in loose curls, cascading down to my mid-back. I tap my foot against the carpeted floor, hardly able to keep my eyes from drifting over to that darn clock.

"I'm not!" I state, biting the inside of my cheek. Next thing I know, I'm being pushed out the door and dragged down to the lobby. The lump in my throat seems to grow larger as I get closer to the limo and the butterflies in my stomach are dancing and jumping all around.

"Hey, you might not wanna start sweating right now." Dominique warns.

I slide in next to Lucy, looking straight ahead. I don't know what has come over me today. I'm marrying the love of my life for God's sake! I woke up this morning with a huge grin on my face, but it began to fade as the day went on. I began contemplating all the things that could go wrong, like falling or Logan saying "I don't."

"You've got this." Stephanie assures me.

"Y-yeah." I stutter. "I've totally got this."

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"You look so CUTE!" Joanna squeals, adjusting my bow tie.

"Moooommm..." Once she's done, I wheels myself into the living room where the guys are waiting. We got up at 7:00 this morning so everyone would have plenty of time to get ready. Now that they've done that, it's time to get to the venue so I can, as Carlos calls it, "get hitched." It's one of his many references to my Texas roots.

"Come on, we've got twenty minutes!" Kendall grabs the handles of the wheelchair, pushing me out the door.

My heart feels like it's beating a tattoo in my chest. Last night, I actually had a nightmare that Camille left me at the altar. It's no wonder that I woke up _sweating _this morning.

Only with Kendall's assistance do I manage to get into the van. That's another thing. I'll surely look strange sitting at the altar in this chair. Of course, it suppose it's no big deal, but it does make me feel off when I think about the fact that my wife-to-be is taller than me. When we share our first kiss as Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell, she'll have to kneel down!

"If you guys ever have a son, you should name it Carlos."

"Carlos, we're not gonna name our son Carlos."

"Why not?!"

"Just because!"

I shake my head, looking out the window. This is a great day, a really great day, but I feel strangely lightheaded. I'm calm, I am calm...I'm so calm. I just have to remind myself that it's not about anyone else. It's about Camille and I, and our future as husband and wife. Just thinking about that lightens my mood.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

"You kids are gonna wait to start a family, right?" Dad offers his arm to me, his eyes darting from left to right and back to the altar. Over Jo's shoulder, I can see a glimpse of my soon-to-be husband. The pianist is seated comfortably, like the congregation.

A warm hand suddenly grabs mine and I recognize it as Jo's. She gives me a warm smile, her arm linked through Kendall's. Each bridesmaid has her own escort to walk her down the aisle. Jo and Carlos, James and Dominique, Kendall and Stephanie, Guitar Dude and Lucy. I just adore the sapphire blue gowns that the girls are wearing.

"Of course we're gonna wait." I assure Dad, my breath hitching in my throat. The pianist has begun playing the Bridal March and, one by one, the bridesmaids begin walking down the aisle with the groomsmen. I, on the other hand, tighten my hand around my dad's bicep, keeping my eyes focused on Logan.

"Good luck." Jo mouths when it's her and Carlos's turn. The best man chooses this very moment to burp, getting some unwanted attention from Jo and the onlookers. I'll never understand why Logan chose Carlos as his best man over Kendall or James. He's a great guy, but he's bound to cause some trouble.

"Don't embarrass yourself." Jo whispers as she and Carlos begin walking down the aisle.

WOOF!

"W-what's that?"

Cringing, I look at the train of my gown, my jaw immediately dropping and my face heating up. A...a dog..._peeing _on my gown. Who brings a dog to a wedding anyway? Oh, I know who! Logan's nerdy cousin Chris! He has this Shiz Tzu named Cookie that is the cutest but most aggravating thing to exist in the Mitchell family.

"CHRIS!"

"Sorry!" The little dork (age 15) grabs the pup, carrying him away. Tears burn my eyes as I glance down at the stain. I can't walk down the aisle with..._that_!

"Chris, did Cookie make a mess again?"

"Well," Chris chuckles, looking at Logan. "He's may have relieved himself on the train of Cam's gown."

"DUDE!"

"All rise for the bride!"

"I'm not ready yet!" I smack my hands against my face, which is now bright red. Dad is patting my shoulder, which I'm assuming is his way of "comforting" me. Yeah, it's hard to be comforted when my wedding dress has a dog's...mess...on it. All I wanted was to look _beautiful _for Logan, but I can't because of his cousin's ratty little mutt! It's no wonder that I'm a cat person!

"Let's just go! They won't notice."

I give my dad an incredulous look, frantically motioning to the stain. Is he crazy? I can't walk down the aisle like this!

"Fine!" I grumble, grabbing his bicep. Inhaling, I try to keep my head held high. Despite the little incident, Logan still has that look of love on his face. I just know that everyone else is observing the stain, but my ability to care becomes smaller and smaller as I get closer to my husband-to-be.

"Daaaang..." Dominique utters, shutting up only when James glares at her.

"Ignore her." Logan whispers. "You look beautiful."

"And you look _very _handsome." I put my hand on his shoulder, tears welling up in my eyes. As the preacher begins speaking, Logan takes said hand and places a gentle kiss. By now, my worry and embarrassment has faded away.

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"YOU LET YOUR DOG PEE ON MY DRESS!"

My eyes are wide as Cam chases Chris around the ballroom. After the wedding, she had to change into a white sundress, due to the...surprise that Cookie left on her gown. Honestly? Our wedding day hasn't turned out like I planned, but I don't care as much as I thought I would. To me, all that matters is that we're married.

"He's the one who did it! Go yell at him!" Chris yelps, hiding behind my uncle.

"Um, Jay, did you remember to take your medication?" I'd rather change the subject. I don't wanna think about the fact that my wife is trying to kill my cousin.

"Yep."

"You wanna get Cam for me?"

"Nope."

"Ugh! I'll do it!" Without saying another word, Dominique walks onto the dance floor, putting an arm between Camille and Chris. Soon her arms are around my wife's waist and she's stumbling back towards us, dropping Camille onto my lap.

"Do you need anger management?" I laugh, giving her a kiss.

"Did you see the mess on my _wedding gown_?" She groans.

"We'll take it to the dry cleaners."

"But-"

"Baby, it's our wedding day." I hug her waist. "Enjoy it."

"Okay...but I'm still upset."

* * *

**Again, no chapter summary:P Like I said, there's some chapters that just don't need it!**

**I wanted this to be a sweet, romantic, and funny chapter:) **

**Review! :D**


	41. Doubt

**James's POV**

"Guys night without Logan." Carlos murmurs. "Great."

"Well, he and Cam are only gonna be in Turks and Caicos for a week."

"It's just weird not having him here." I grab a handful of popcorn from the bowl, waiting for our movie to begin. We're gonna watch Spring Breakers, which we saw in theaters and Carlos instantly became obsessed with. Kendall and I feel like it ripped away the small shred of innocence that he had left. Just saying...

"Hey, he's married now." Kendall states. "We have to accept that he has a wife now."

"How are you so damn positive?" I chuckle. I squeak as he throws some popcorn in my direction, laughing to myself. Once I have picked it all up, I reach for my phone and look over the wedding pictures I took. In every picture, both the bride and groom are smiling, kissing, hugging, or some other form of affection. It kind of makes me eager for the day that _I_ choose to get married.

"Because I'm Kendall Knight, genius." Kendall lightly punches my shoulder.

"Shhhh! The movie's on!" Carlos waves his hand in a frantic motion. All is silent after that.

* * *

Shortly after midnight, we all curl up in our sleeping bags on the Knight's living room floor. The moonlight shining through the window keeps me awake and thinking about, well, everything. Specifically, BTR's comeback. Gustavo has been writing our comeback single, which makes the impending return of BTR all the more real.

I sit up, glancing at my two sleeping friends. I love how Katie fell asleep next to her big brother. Her head on his shoulder, his arm around her, such a heartwarming sight. Mom and I use to cuddle like that.

In an instant, my smile fades and tears prickle at my eyes. I gulp, stumbling to my feet. Mom...she'll never get to see me get married. She'll miss out on some of my most important moments. My heart beats rapidly, my breath becomes shaky, as do my legs, and I run to the restroom.

"Jay? You alright, man?" Kendall questions.

"Um, yeah!" I cringe as his footsteps get closer. With shaky hands, I wipe the tears away, sniffling. Then I turn the doorknob, giving Kendall a halfhearted smile. The suspicion in his eyes, however, tells me that he's certainly not convinced. Hey, who would be? I'm actually a terrible liar.

"You don't _look _okay."

"Well, I am!" I insist, hurrying past him. Of course, I can't make him leave me alone. When I walk to the back patio, so does he. With a loud sigh, I lower myself onto the top step, looking up at the sparkling night sky. I wonder what would have happened if I had succeeded in taking my own life. Would those around me be any better off?

"Look, if you're worried about Logan-"

"It's not about Logan!" I bury my face in my hands. "I was just thinking about the fact that my mom won't ever get to see me get married or become a parent."

"Jay-"

"I don't even wanna talk about it." I whisper as he puts his arm around me.

"You have to talk sometimes." As he speaks, I keep my head down. If he thinks that one of his pep talks is gonna make me feel better, he's wrong. Sure, I'm doing better than I was, but that doesn't mean that my life is any easier. I still have these moments where I feel ashamed of myself and wish for things to be different.

"Come on," Kendall urges. "Physically, your mom's not here. I know that, but she's always watching you. Whenever you get married or your first child is born, she'll be there. You just won't see her."

I wish I could be as positive as Kendall. When we were eleven and he sprained his wrist in hockey, he was unable to play, but he enthusiastically attended the game anyway instead of worrying about not playing himself. Me? I broke my ankle during freshman year and wasn't able to play for three months, and I spent more than a week moping!

"Sometimes I feel like I could have been a better son." I whisper. "I put her under so much stress. She endured so much pain because of me."

"Hey! Hey, don't you _dare _say that!" Kendall forces me to look at him. "You were an _amazing _son and she loved you. Jay, you were her pride and joy."

"When I'm not on pills, I hear voices and think that people are out to get me." I remind him. "You all seem to forget that I spent more than two months in a mental hospital. I've made _three suicide attempts_, Kendall!"

I abruptly stand up, running my fingers through my hair. I turn around to face him, waiting for him to speak. Despite what he might wanna believe, I'm not "amazing" or "perfect" or "wonderful." The truth is, I'm crazy and that caused my mom's death. I see it now! Everything that has gone wrong lately is my fault.

"Our best friend got married yesterday." He finally says. "Can't we try to be happy? You know, instead of focusing on our problems."

"But-"

"Yeah, James, I remember everything. That doesn't mean that I'm gonna waste time dwelling on it. My only concern is the fact that you're constantly putting yourself down! Get this through your thick skull! You are a great guy, you're not crazy, and we all LOVE you."

I force a smile onto my face. "Thanks for the pep talk, buddy."

"Yeah, I'm amazing!" Kendall brags as we reenter the house. "I already knew that."

* * *

**Logan's POV**

"Yeah, Camille is in the shower, so I'm just...hanging around."

"Have you guys 'consummated' the marriage yet?" Carlos winks.

"Dude!" I exclaim, covering my face. For the record, Cam and I haven't "consummated" anything. We don't know if it'll work, considering that I can't even move my legs. We definitely plan on doing so eventually, but we're gonna wait a while. A marriage doesn't need...you know, "lovemaking" to be complete. We love each other and that's all that matters.

"You haven't, have you?" Carlos gives me a flat expression.

"No!" I retort. In the background, I see James talking to someone on the phone. I'm guessing Dominique, since they're still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. I don't feel as much dislike for the relationship anymore, though. They've actually proven to be a lovely couple.

"Logie, don't you know that it's one of the first things that a married couple does? It's tradition!"

"Well, who cares about following tradition?!" I groan, throwing my hands to my face.

Now Carlos has that mischievous smile on his face. I give him my most sarcastic look in response, turning my head to look at Camille. Oh my god...She's wearing the lingerie that Dominique got for her wedding shower. The worst part is that she's wearing it in front of Carlos, whose mind is clearly in the gutter.

"Logie, are you and Carlos done?" She whispers, kissing my ear.

"Ohh-ho, we are VERY DONE." Carlos snorts, waving before clicking out of the chat window. That kid is such a little perv sometimes.

"Cam!" I whine.

"What?!" She laughs, straddling my waist and kissing my nose. I inhale, falling onto my back. I only smile as she kisses me, but my mind is drifting off to another concern. Children...will we be able to have children? Camille and I have both agreed that we wanna be parents, but we're not sure if we'll be able to do that with my situation.

"Cam..." I gasp, pulling away. "We need to talk about something."

"And what is that?" She tries to attack my neck again, but I gently prevent her from doing so. I know that we've been married for almost two days now, but there are some serious topics that need to be discussed. My number one concern is the possibility of us starting a family. We might have to adopt.

"Do you wanna be a mom?"

"Of course!"

"Well, what if I can't give you the child that you want?"

"We'll adopt." She informs me, pecking my cheek. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes. We'll probably go to the beach later, but I just wanna be lazy right now.

* * *

**Gustavo's POV**

"I'm telling you, this will completely change everyone's idea of James." Stephanie smiles as she uploads the documentary to her Youtube channel. I've decided to use this girl's documentary to Big Time Rush's advantage. Not only is it great publicity, but it'll also improve James's image. I came over to Stephanie's hotel room to "check out" the video, to make sure that I approve.

"It better." I point a finger at her, narrowing my eyes. I have confidence in the little brat, though. I was very pleased with her little horror film that she did a few years ago. Most recently, she did a film promoting adoption. I finally watched it last night and it was incredibly good. If those projects got thousands of views, this documentary should be successful.

"Trust me, it will." She has that annoying smirk on her face. I bring my face close to the screen, watching the upload bar. It's eight five percent uploaded. I'm sweating, I'm breathing deeply, I've got a huge headache, and all I want is for that documentary to UPLOAD ALREADY!

Hey, I just wanna put my dogs back on top!

Soon, the upload bar begins to fill up at a faster pace until, finally, it gets to one hundred percent. I let out a cheer, shutting up when Stephanie looks at me. I'm Gustavo Rocque. It's not considered normal for me to show excitement. Any enthusiasm from me is very rare.

I'm still amazing, though.

"Now, all we have to do is wait for views and comments!" She exclaims, pushing me toward the door. "You can leave now."

"You can't kick me out!" I yell. "I-"

Before I can finish, the door closes in my face. Oh, that's just nice! Well, I'd rather go home and keep an eye on the video's stats anyway. I just know what I won't get much sleep tonight. I'll just lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, tense, and my mind entirely focused on James's reputation. I'm just being honest, okay? In order for BTR to make a successful comeback, we need to repair James's image.

"Steph-oh, forget it."

* * *

**Chapter summary**

**_Logan and Camille are married, James still struggles with self doubt, Logan is doubting that he and Camille will be able to have children of their own, and Gustavo is using Stephanie's documentary to fix James's rep and help with BTR's comeback:)_**

**I'm gonna make the chapter summaries shorter from now on:P **

**Also, the story will be over in a few more chapters;) Then I'll start another multichapter fic:D**

**Review! :D**


	42. Return

**James's POV**

"Rocque Records." Kendall breathes. "Wow."

While everyone else is itching to get out of the limo, I'd rather stay right where I am. There are paparazzi crowded around the front entrance, so we had to come around to the back. Apparently, someone informed the media that BTR is back in LA and making a comeback. So the photogs have been outside Rocque Records for the past two days.

"Alright, guys, let's go!" Kelly gets out of the vehicle, waiting for us to do the same. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan are quick to do so, but I'm not as eager. My muscles are tense, my breathing is unusually heavy, and I think I'm even sweating. My stomach is clenching and I cross my arms as my friends/bandmates wait for me.

"Jay, come on." Kendall encourages.

"I..."

"It's okay." Carlos reaches for my hand, gently pulling me from the limo. In a hurry, I pull the hood of my jacket over my head, keeping my head down as we are ushered into the building.

Rocque Records doesn't look much different than the last time we were here. There's a beautiful fern in one corner, a glass guitar attached to the wall, and posters of some popular musicians on the walls. My personal favorite? The cover of BTR's second album.

"Dogs!" Gustavo emerges from his office, looking strangely...happy? I'm not really use to seeing him behave like anything other than a grouchy old music producer. One time, Kendall talked back to him and he actually chased us all the way back to our apartment. Of course, it's kind of nice to see a calmer side of him.

"Hey, is Dominique still working?"

"Don't bother her!"

And there's the grouchy Gustavo, alive and well. Yippee...

* * *

"I want you dogs to look at this new song." Gustavo hands sheet music to each of us. Love Me Again? Wow, good song. It's more mature than our previous work, but I guess that's not such a bad thing. To be honest, some don't take us seriously because they think we're all kiddie music, but I would beg to differ. Love Me Again has the potential to change their minds.

"Now, please don't distract...her." Gustavo pushes the door to the studio open. We all hurry inside and find Dominique recording a new song, Indestructible. She sang it for me yesterday and I thought it was pretty awesome. It's very guitar driven and edgy. Griffin wants an edgy artist for the label, so it's probably good that Rocque Records has Dominique.

"You guys ready to get back in there?" Kelly whispers.

"Y-yeah?" I smile when Dominique waves at me. Gustavo growls, stepping in front of me. Does he not realize that I'm 6'1"? Dominique can still see me!

"How was that?" She asks after finishing.

"Decent." Gustavo replies, motioning for her to come out of the recording booth. To his annoyance, she immediately comes over to me, squeezing my waist. Hey, a little PDA never hurt anyone. Logan and Camille are pretty much all over each other 24/7. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's embarrassing, sometimes it's irritating.

"Guys, think you can record this today?" Kelly asks, referring to Love Me Again.

"We can try." Logan attempts to wheel himself into the booth, but it's proving to be quite difficult. Many times, he'll get his chair stuck at the threshold and someone has to push him over it. This time, I end up doing it. Once he's safely inside the booth, the rest of us enter, music sheets in our hands.

"Aww, Logie has a tiny mike stand." Dominique teases, sitting beside Gustavo at the soundboard. It's true. Since Logan's in a wheelchair, he has a shorter mike stand than the rest of us. He wasn't too excited about the idea at first, but we've tried to make him feel better about it.

"If Kelly gets you a candy bar, will you shut up?"

"That...and I want a Porsche."

"I'm NOT getting you a Porsche!"

"Why not?"

"Because you destroy everything you touch!"

I glance at the guys, tapping my foot against the floor. Gustavo and Dominique have the weirdest relationship that I've ever seen. They can be getting along one minute, then they start going at it. I almost find it amusing, then I remember that we're suppose to be recording a new song. So I'd like if they would shut up about the stupid car.

"Kelly, get the brat a Hershey bar from the snack machine." Gustavo grumbles. I look at Dominique with my eyes wide and a smile on my face, appalled by her ability to talk back to Gustavo with absolutely no fear.

"Gustavo, what about the paparazzi outside?" Carlos whines.

"Don't worry about them." Gustavo inhales, starting the music. "Just get to work."

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

If there's anything about Hollywood that I hate, it's the paparazzi. They just hang around, waiting for a celebrity that they can harass. As I look out the studio window, I can't help feeling angry at the sight of the crowd below. How can the paparazzi have the heart to practically stalk these guys? Especially James! Do they not have any sympathy for the mentally ill?

"I'll make you love me again, love me again!"

"Someone needs to get those paparazzi to_ leave_." Camille walks into the studio with Jo, Lucy, and Stephanie, with narrowed eyes and a frown. I won't argue with her about that. There should really be a limit on how far the paparazzi can go for a picture. I don't think that they should be allowed to stand outside houses and a star's place of employment.

"Is that the new song?"

"Sure is!" Kelly says in response to Lucy's question. "It's gonna be BTR's next big hit!"

"I like it! It doesn't rock, but it's good."

Several glares are sent in her direction, including one from me. BTR rocks, don't they? They may not be hard core like Lucy and other bands, but I still think that they are perfectly capable of "rocking." Besides, I think that their music is sexy. Last night, I danced to Show Me in my undergarments!

"I'm just saying! Dang!"

"Hey, Gustavo? Let us sing Paralyzed for our dear friend." Kendall sounds like such a smart ass.

Sure enough, Gustavo puts the Paralyzed track on, so the guys can give Lucy a little reminder about their ability to rock just as hard as she can. Paralyzed is BTR's "rock" song, the song that they apparently used the first time they had to prove themselves to Lucy. I, for one, wouldn't care what she thinks.

"Watch and learn, princess." Kendall smirks before the song begins. I slowly turn away from the window, wanting to put those stupid paparazzi out of my mind. The more famous I become, the more I'll be hounded by those jerks. I have to say that I'm dreading that. It's a good thing that I'm so passionate about my music.

"They rock, don't they?" I whisper in Lucy's ear.

"It was a _joke_." Lucy says through her teeth. I snort, sitting next to Gustavo. There's something about watching James sing that puts me in a good mood. The passion that he's putting into it...it's unbelievable. I can truly see how far he has come since his mental break a few months ago.

"Maybe they should get a few tattoos." Stephanie suggests. "That'll do wonders for their image."

"Don't put that idea into their heads!" Katie walks in with a bag of gummy bears. "Besides, Kendall already has one."

"Speaking of tattoos, I finally got that dreamcatcher!" I exclaim, showing off my right wrist. The other day, I went to this tattoo parlor and had a little dreamcatcher put on my wrist. It's not huge, but it's not tiny either.

"James should get one so you guys can match!" Jo squeals. I start to reply until Gustavo gives me "the look," as in the look that says "shut up because the dogs need to concentrate." The room soon becomes silent except for the guys singing. I'm okay with that, though. I love hearing their voices, specifically James.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

"You're sure?" Dominique gasps, taking the three _positive _pregnancy tests that I took this morning.

"Yep, I'm sure!" I clap my hands. Logan is still recording BTR's new song, but I plan on telling him as soon as he's done. During a recent doctors appointment, his doctor told him that it's still possible for us to conceive, so that gave us a little hope. I guess it was good that we didn't give up because we're gonna be parents!

"Tell him!" Dominique urges, pushing me back toward the studio. I take a deep breath as I enter, giving the guys a smile.

I have to wait about five more minutes, then they are dismissed and I hurry over to Logan, throwing my arms around him.

"What's with the sudden change in mood?" He wonders, pulling me onto his lap.

"Come with me." I whisper, taking the handles of his chair and pushing him out of the studio. I wheel him to an empty hallway, taking another breath as I return to his lap. Okay, how can I tell him that I'm pregnant? I know that he'll be happy, but I still feel a little shaky. After all, this is my first pregnancy and...it's a big deal, you know?

"What's going on?" He laughs, kissing my cheek.

"I'm pregnant."

"W-what?"

"I'm pregnant." A smile comes onto my face as his hands move to my stomach. I soon put my hands over his, taking pride in the fact that I'm carrying our son or daughter. I've already begun thinking about names, but I want Logan to have a say too. Nothing will be official until we've discussed it.

"A baby? We're...we're gonna have a baby?"

"We're gonna have a baby." Tears well up in my eyes as I wrap my arms around him. I sit still as he gently rubs my stomach, finding joy in his reaction. Then I notice our...friends standing a few feet away, their eyes wide. Well, except for Dominique. She's just there to catch Carlos when he finally faints from shock.

"Why does he always do that?" Kendall groans. We watch as Dominique drags the unconscious boy out of sight, close to laughter. Well, all that matters to me is that everything is finally working out. James is recovering, I'm gonna be a mom, and we're all on good terms.

* * *

**Chapter summary: BTR returned to work and Camille announced her pregnancy! **

**Dominique's song "Indestructible" is actually by Britt Nicole:)**

**Review! :D**


	43. Babysitting

**James's POV**

"Hey, thanks for watching my cousin for me." Jo smiles at Kendall, leading the six year old girl into apartment 2M, where Logan and Camille are living. Kendall, Carlos, Mama Knight, Katie, and I live in 3S, which is on the floor above this one. I refuse to live in 2J because of all the bad memories in that apartment. For example, being strapped to a stretcher and taken to the hospital!

"No problem!" Kendall chuckles before gently pushing her out the door, shutting it gently. That's when his smile fades. "I'm going to the pool!"

"Us too!" Carlos and Logan both say, hurrying (or in Logan's case, wheeling) to their shared bedroom. I thought that a look of desperation might save me, but Kendall's gone before I know it. That leaves me alone with...Tara. Cute, adorable little Tara. She's a sweet kid, but I'm not exactly the ideal babysitter. I'm just saying that it's not my thing!

"Are you the crazy one?"

"Crazy? No!" I shake my head. "I hear voices if I don't take my medicine, but I'm not crazy."

"I wouldn't care if you were." Tara tells me. "You're my favorite!"

"Really?"

Tara nods.

When I hold out my hand, she gladly takes it and follows me over to the couch. So she's a fan! I always love meeting fans. Well, the mentally stable James Diamond does. The schizophrenic, emotionally unstable James Diamond just wants to be left alone. Luckily, I'm mentally stable at the moment.

"Tell you what," I grin. "How would you like for me to play you a song?"

"Any song?"

"Sure." I ruffle her blonde hair, grabbing Kendall's guitar.

"Rule The World!"

"You got it, kiddo."

I have to take a moment to remember the chords for that particular song. Once it comes back to me, I'm able to strum the right tune. By the first chorus, little Tara is standing up and dancing along. I almost burst into laughter, which causes me to stumble over the lyrics a bit, but I immediately recover. I'm just happy to be making a little girl's day.

* * *

**Kendall's POV**

"I thought we were going to the pool!" Carlos whines.

"Well, we're not!" I whisper, cracking the bedroom door open. Babysitting isn't my favorite thing, so I just used the pool excuse so I could stay in Carlos and Logan's room and play Sims 3 on Logan's laptop. Besides, James is pretty good with kids! Judging by the sound of laughter coming from the living room, he and Tara seem to be doing pretty well.

"By the way, do you and Jo plan on getting back together?"

"Shut up, Mitchell!"

I don't feel like talking about my relationship with Jo, okay? We're on a friendly basis, but that doesn't mean that we're any closer to being a couple again. As much as I love her, I don't think that I can't get back with her. I mean, she...she cheated on me. I can't just let that go.

"James and Dominique's couple name is Janique." Carlos states.

"We know, Carlos."

I peek my head out the door, just to make sure that James and the kid are still doing okay. James giving Tara a piggyback ride to the kitchen. You know, I think he'll make a great dad someday. He always says that he doesn't wanna have kids, due to the possibility of passing his schizophrenia onto the child, but I guess he and his future wife could always adopt.

"What should we have for lunch?"

"Macaroni!" Tara exclaims.

"You got it!" James high fives her, getting the box from one of the cabinets. I'm about to retreat into the room when...

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"I'll get it!" Tara hurries to the door, pulling it open and revealing Dominique. "Wow, you're pretty! Are you James's girlfriend?"

"Sure am!" Dominique smiles, waving at James. Okay, I've never been crazy about her because the guys and I have sort of warmed up to her. She can be a little crazy sometimes, but she's okay. She seems to genuinely care about James and that's all that matters to us. Also, he's happy, which is important.

"Tara, why don't you say hi to my buddies?" James looks over at us, directing a sarcastic smile in our direction. Next thing we know, Tara runs over to the door, pushing it open.

"Oooh..."

"H-hey, T-tara." I stutter, ignoring the fact that Logan just made a Sims version of him and Camille. Right now, I need to make sure that Tara doesn't break anything. I don't think she will, but you never know with little kids. Jo brought her to the New Town High set once and she accidentally knocked out one of the extras. I don't know how she managed that, but she did.

"I heard your wife is gonna have a baby." She points at Logan.

"Um...yeah, she is."

"Jo wants to have a baby with Kendall, but they're not together anymore!"

I start coughing the minute I heard that sentence. Carlos lays on his bed with Logan, both of them laughing at the randomness of the situation. Well, I don't find it amusing at all! In fact, why would Jo be telling a six year old about her desire to...you know?

"Well, it's true!" Tara retorts. "Jo wants to marry Kendall!"

"Good luck with that!" Logan chuckles. I give him a dirty look, smacking my hands over my face. I stomp out of the room , but come to a stop almost instantly. There's James and Dominique, making out in the kitchen. Ugh, they're practically attacking each other!

"Get a room, would ya?" I walk past them to the refrigerator, getting myself a can of Coca Cola.

"I could say the same for you and Blondie."

"Shut it, senorita."

"Both of you, be nice!" James warns. Yeah, sure, tell me to be nice to _that. _In order to keep some level of sanity, I can't be too friendly with her. I'll certainly be civil, but that doesn't mean that we're gonna be BFFs. I _like _her, but I still find her irritating.

"Hey, let's give Kendall his wish and get a room." Dominique whispers in James's ear, just loud enough for me to hear.

"Ugh!" I groan, turning around and walking out ASAP.

* * *

**James's POV**

"I really need to check on Tara." I say as Dominique places kisses on my neck and cheeks.

"Just stay with me a little longer." She pleads, pulling away.

"Sorry, babe." I get off Mama Knight's bed and kiss my girlfriend's cheek, then I disappear from the groan. It nearly kills me when she screams "You suck, Diamond!" It takes a lot of effort not to laugh when I'm with her. I keep telling her that she should be a comedian, but she insists on focusing entirely on her music career.

Knock! Knock!

"Coming!"

Kendall zooms past me to the door, inviting Jo in.

"Tara, you ready to go?"

Before she follows her cousin out the door, she gives me a hug, which I gladly return. In the past few hours, I came to really enjoy spending time with her. Jo should bring her around more often. I mean, babysitting today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Tara behaved herself and she told me that I'm her favorite!

"Thank you guys for watching her-"

"How did your audition go?" Kendall questions.

"It went really good!" Jo exclaims, reaching for Tara's hand. "I won't find out if I got the part for a few more days, though."

In the middle of their little conversation, Tara smiles mischievously at me, Carlos, and Logan. Something tells me that she wants Kendall and Jo back together. Hey, they just might reunite soon. They've been pretty friendly lately. Anyway, I think Jo deserves forgiveness. She seems genuinely remorseful.

"Um...do you think we could talk outside?"

"Sure." Jo agrees. "Tara, stay here while I talk to Kendall."

"Okie dokie!" Tara flops down on the couch, while Jo and Kendall step outside. I guess that leaves Carlos, Logan, and I to babysit her for a few minutes longer.

* * *

**Jo's POV**

"I _really _appreciate you watching her for me."

"Hey, she was a little angel." Kendall insists, shutting the door behind us. "But I actually wanted to talk to you about...well, about us."

"What about us?"

"Remember why we broke up?"

I cringe at the memory. Why would he bring that up? Why? Is he doing it to torture me? Sure, I remember why we broke up, but I don't like thinking about it. When I lay in bed at night, I always seem to find myself thinking about everything from the voices and hallucinations to my relapse/meltdown to sleeping with Jett. I regret it and that'll never change

"Y-yeah." I gulp. "Yeah, I remember."

"I'm over it." Kendall murmurs before dragging me into a kiss, our first since the breakup. My mind begins to spin, my knees become weak, and I have to hold onto him so I don't fall to the floor. This...this feels amazing. I thought I would never get to experience this again, but here we are.

"I-" I gasp when he pulls away. "What-"

"As hurt as I was when you cheated on me, I understand _why _you did it. But you need to understand something, okay? I may not always _tell _you how beautiful and amazing you are, but you are beautiful and amazing. Besides, actions speak louder than words and...I'll always be sure to show you how much I love you."

My eyes begin to tear up, closing my eyes as he kisses my forehead. I never thought that I'd hear those words from him. All I know is that I'm grateful that he's actually forgiving me for my stupidity.

"So we're back together?"

"We're back together."

* * *

**Well, the last episode of BTR aired tonight:'( However, Kendall did say "nobody said we're going anywhere." I hope that you guys will continue enjoying my fanfics and reviewing them. I have a lot more ideas, including a multichapter version of Last Goodbye and possibly a sequel to Stuck In My Head:)**

**Anyway, some excitement will happen in the next chapter:D Can you guess what's gonna happen? :O**

**Review! :D**

**PS: Too lazy to write a summary:P Hey, it's after midnight and I'm sleepy:P**


	44. Newborn

**Logan's POV**

"A week! A WHOLE WEEK!" Camille complains, looking up at the ceiling. "My due date was LAST WEEK and this kid still isn't here yet!"

Yep, it's July and Gabilyn Raye Mitchell still isn't here yet. Camille's been on edge ever since her due date came and went without a single indication of Gabi planning to arrive. I'm feeling just as anxious because I just wanna see our little girl. Heck, our whole group is about to lose it if Cam doesn't have the baby soon.

"Just think, she can't stay in there forever." James insists. It's quite amusing when Camille tries to kick him, but her enlarged stomach doesn't make it easy. She finally gets up and opts for smacking James's head. Something tells me that his assurance isn't helping her feel any better. Well, at least James tried!

"You know, you could always try inducing labor." Jo suggests.

"Like _how_?" Camile grumbles, sort of giving me the creeps. Remember that I live alone with this woman. I'm frequently on the receiving end of her mood swings. It's not fun, but I try to remind myself that we'll soon have a beautiful baby girl and this will be all over.

"Walking is recommended."

Camille groans as she stands up, starting to wobble around the apartment. I once told her that she walks like a "cute little penguin" and she almost killed me. Now I only tease her when she can't hear me.

"I'm going to the lobby!"

"I think someone should go with her." Kendall whispers.

"I'll go!" Katie volunteers. As surprised as we all are, no one argues with her. With a shrug, she turns and exits the apartment, leaving me and the guys to engage in our own conversation. I hope that walking will work for Camille. Our daughter is a week overdue and we _really _wanna see her. She's gonna be the cutest little baby I've ever seen. I just know it!

"This better work." Carlos states. "I'm getting tired of the mood swings and all our food going missing."

I give him a look, crossing my arms. The mood swings and cravings aren't the important thing here. What matters to me is that Gabi could arrive any day now. I can't wait until I can hold her in my arms and kiss her little cheeks. If she comes out looking like me, that'll be cool too. Not that I mind if she looks more like her mom! It just...it would be cool to have a little mini me, you know?

"You know, it's gonna be funny when she practically breaks your hand." James chuckles. He's the next to get a dirty look from me. Why? Because I don't really wanna think about Camille breaking my hand while delivering our daughter. I already know that it's gonna be scary and I don't wanna be reminded.

"Hey, guys?"

"Baby sister, I thought you were gonna go to the lobby with Camille." Kendall frowns.

"Yeeeaahhhh...her water broke before we got to elevator."

"Did you hear that, guys?" I smile. "Her..." My smile fades. "Heh?"

"You heard me!"

Once we realize what she just said, Kendall grabs the handles of my wheelchair and we hurry out the door, eagerly awaiting the birth of Gabilyn Raye Mitchell.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

"I...am...gonna _kill _you."

"Cam, not in front of Gabi!"

"SHE'S NOT OUT YET, LOGAN MITCHELL! SHE CAN'T HEAR US!" I shriek. It feels like I'm being ran over by a train and/or ripped in half. When my water broke, I was relieved, but now that relief is gone. I just want Gabi out of me so I don't have to feel the pain anymore. Logan and I just want our baby girl!

"Hey, I'm gonna get something to eat."

I give Logan a disbelieving expression, horrified at the thought of being left alone in the delivery room. Oh, James just walked in! Thank you, God!

He better plan on staying with me.

"I'll be right back." Logan kisses my cheek before wheeling himself out of the room. Groaning, I sink back into the pillows, trying to keep my breathing under control. Jo took me to a childbirth course a few weeks ago and breathing is just one thing I learned about. I've just gotta breathe and go to my happy place.

"SON OF A-" It's probably a good thing that James just shushed me. I know that there are people outside and I'd prefer if no one heard anything other than my screams of pain. I decided that after I shouted a long string of curse words at Logan and another laboring mother glared at me as she walked by my room.

"How are you feeling?" James sits beside my bed, reaching for my hand.

"I'm in labor, Diamond." I grumble. "How do you think I'm doing?"

"Not so good, huh?" I squeeze his hand through another contraction, really wanting _Logan _to come back. I guess I'll focus on happy thoughts to calm myself. For example, seeing Logan in his new role as a daddy. I'm just picturing him holding our baby girl. He has no reason to be nervous because he's gonna be a fantastic dad. I hope that Gabilyn will love me as much as she'll probably love her daddy.

"Okay, enough about me." I gasp as the contraction ends. "How have you been doing? It's been more than a year since, well, you know."

"Okay, I guess." He sighs. "I've been taking medication, I see a therapist on a regular basis, and I'm just staying focused on work."

"That's good." I groan again. "Now, help me through this...this...OH MY GOD!"

"I didn't think labor hurt that bad."

"James, keep talking and I'll _strangle you."_

"Hehe..." James gulps, actually seeming afraid for his life. I could feel guilty for threatening him, but Gabi is making it impossible for me to feel anything other than pain. When is she gonna give her mama a break?! I would ask someone to do this for me, but it's not physically possible...which kind of sucks when you think about it.

"You've gotta try the cafeteria's brownies!"

I cannot believe that Dominique had the nerve to come here with a mouthful of brownie, _bragging _about it while I'm getting ready to push out a freaking BEACH BALL. She's a great friend, but she just earned a nice little spot on my "list." In fact, everyone is on my list until my daughter is here!

* * *

**Jo's POV**

"THIS HURTS!"

"You're doing great!" One of the two nurses assures her.

"OH, SHUT UP!" Camille screeches. She's gotta push just a couple more times and she'll be a mom. A great one too! As crazy as that girl can be, she's got some motherly instincts. Plus, she'll have Logan helping her out. I also know that Gabilyn is gonna be the cutest child at the Palm Woods.

"Okay, just one more." Her doctor encourages. I look over at Logan, who actually looks like he's gonna pass out. I would like to prevent that, so I reach across the bed and rub his shoulder, pulling my hand back as Camille tries to swat it away. Okay, she's pushing...One, two, three...

A baby's cries fill the room and Camille falls back onto the pillows, smiling tiredly at Logan. She kisses his hand, watching as little Gabi is cleaned up and wrapped in a pink blanket.

"It's a girl."

"It's a girl." Camille reaches her arms out, letting the doctor place the baby girl in her arms. "Logan, Jo, look at her!"

"She's perfect." Logan whispers, touching Gabi's tiny hand. She's the most perfect little baby. She definitely looks like her daddy. She's got black hair, brown eyes, and I think she might even have Logan's dimples. Oh, she's beautiful!

"Look at our beautiful little angel." Camille coos, stroking Gabi's cheek.

"Lemme see her." Logan offers his arms, grinning as his daughter is put in his arms. Well, Gabi sure does seem comfortable! Something tells me that she already loves her parents. It makes me want a baby even more.

"I wanna get a good look at her." I walk to the other side of the bed, standing behind Logan. Thank God that Camille chose me as the godmother. Carlos is the godfather, since he has always been the most supportive of Logan since the "incident." I think we can all agree that he deserved the honor.

"She's ours, Cam." Logan murmurs. "She's all ours."

"Yeah," Camille giggles. "She's ours."

* * *

**James's POV**

"IT'S A GIRL!" Jo cheers, awaking most of us from our naps. We don't complain, though, due to the big announcement. We all cheer as well until a nurse shushes us. When her back is turned, Dominique sticks her tongue out and I snort, taking her hand and following Jo down the hallway. I can't wait to see the baby!

"I brought some visitors!" She smiles, leading us into the room. Logan, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt along with his glasses, is cradling a tiny pink bundle. That's the moment that all eyes become filled with tears of joy.

"Gabi, look who's here!" Logan's voice is even sweeter than usual, so soft and gentle. "Guys, this is Gabilyn Raye Mitchell. Who wants to hold her first?"

"I do, I do!" Carlos eagerly raises his hands, approaching our buddy. Carefully, Logan puts Gabi in her godfather's arms. She emits the cutest squeak, earning a chorus of "aww" from the others in the room, including me. I can't believe that Logan is finally a dad. It seems like yesterday that we were all best buddies playing hockey in Minnesota. Now one of us is married with a child.

His voice extra soft, Carlos murmurs one short sentence.

"Welcome to the world, Gabi."

* * *

**This story is gonna have FIFTY chapters:) Now, I have a question for you guys about what story you want me to start first, once this one is finished. The Stuck In My Head sequel or the multichapter version of Last Goodbye? Tell me in a review! **

**Review! :D**


	45. Together

**James's POV**

"I'm premiering my debut single in three days!" Dominique squeals as we walk down to the nursery. Camille is sleeping in her room, so Logan's been spending the past few hours in the nursery with little Gabi. It's amazing how closely he has bonded with her in just a few short hours. He can't stand to be away from her!

"Hey, I'm gonna see how Logan and Gabi are doing." I kiss her cheek before entering the nursery. Logan is sitting by Gabi's bassinet in his wheelchair, with Kendall and Carlos behind him, cradling his daughter protectively in his arms. The cutest part is how comfortable she seems. She's asleep, seemingly without a care in the world.

"Hey, how's she doing?" I ask, looking down at the baby.

"Sleeping." Logan replies, touching Gabi's finger. I smile, reaching out to her. She yawns in her sleep before becoming completely silent yet again. I seriously cannot get over how _perfect _she is...and how much she looks like Logan.

"Such a pretty girl." I whisper.

"Yeah, she is." Logan kisses Gabi's forehead, smiling down at her. She doesn't stir, not even a little bit. She's just so relaxed and happy. It's gonna be awesome when she starts smiling and giggling. Even better, when she starts talking! Right now, she just lays around and looks cute, which is perfectly fine.

"Lemme see her." Kendall murmurs. Logan passes Gabi over to him and he carefully cradles her. I think he's gonna be a good uncle to her. I just hope that I can be just as great.

"Have you talked to Camille?"

"Um, about an hour ago." Logan says in response to Carlos's question. We all look up as Gabi whimpers, slowly moving her arms and legs. Hoping to stop her from wailing and disturbing the other babies, Kendall begins humming the tune to our song Stuck. She soon becomes still and silent once again.

"I guess she likes BTR." Logan chuckles, touching Gabi's hand.

"Come here, baby girl." I grin, taking her from Kendall. "Are you a little Rusher?"

She lays peacefully in my arms, her eyes squeezed shut. I absolutely adore babies, like mot people do. They're just so innocent and cute, you know? The best part about this is that I'll be able to see Gabi often, since she's my best friend's daughter. I hope that I'll be allowed to babysit every once in a while.

I place a soft kiss on her forehead before returning her to Logan.

"Hey, I'm gonna go, but I'll be back later."

"Okay." Kendall squeezes my shoulder. I smile down at Gabi one more time before turning around and exiting the the nursery.

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

"James, what are we doing?!"

"Shhh!" My crazy boyfriend laughs, leading me into a fancy hotel lobby. I glance at him as he approaches the manager's desk, apparently to get us checked in. I don't know what he's thinking, but I'm caught between being excited and being nervous. What on earth is that boy planning? I thought that we would cuddle in the apartment and watch ridiculous comedy movies.

Buzzzz...

_Emily: I'm bored_

**Dominique: Go to the mall**

_Emily: It's too crowded!_

I shake my head, sitting on one of the couches. I still talk to Emily, Madilyn, and Craig, but not as often as I use to. I guess we've all moved on from our days in the mental institution. Craig is starting college at University of Texas-Austin in the fall, Madilyn and Emily are roommates in New York City, and I'm pursuing my music career here in LA.

"Room 215." James winks, waving two room keys in my face. I smirk, taking one from him. I think I've gotta a pretty good idea of what he has planned.

Ten minutes later, we arrive at the suite. After opening the door, James lifts me into his arms, like a groom does with his bride, and carries me into the very large suite.

"James David Diamond!" I squeal just before he puts me down. "What are you thinking?!"

"You'll see." He winks, guiding me into the bedroom. My eyes widen when I see rose petals in the shape of a heart, with other rose petals surrounding the heart. When I turn to him, he steps closer and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. Then he decides to kiss me and make my knees weak, almost taking my breath away.

"When did you do this?"

"This morning." He grins, kissing me again. So that's why I couldn't find him this morning. Well, I apparently have the best boyfriend in the world. I can't believe he spent the morning planning a romantic date.

I slowly begin unzipping his jacket, removing it from his body. Then I pull his shirt over his head, followed by my own tank top. Then we continue our little lips-to-lips adventure, falling onto the soft, rose petal covered mattress. I close my eyes as he kisses my shoulder, pulling him closer.

For the next hour, we take our relationship to the next level. As intimidated as I am, I feel safer with James.

"I'm hungry." I murmur, cuddling with him under the covers.

"That makes two of us."

* * *

**Camille's POV**

White walls, white sheets, white EVERYTHING! Ugh, I can't wait until I'm let out tomorrow. I just wanna go home with Logan and Gabi. It'll be nice to just settle into our new life together as a family. I don't mean to be whiny, but I hate being stuck in one room. It's boring, it's tiring, and it's ANNOYING.

I thank God when I hear the squeaky wheels of my husband's wheelchair. When I look toward the door, Kendall is pushing him, while he holds Gabi. I'm too sleepy to say much, but I manage to smile at them. Seeing Logan hold our daughter is a beautiful sight. We both fell in love with her the moment she arrived.

"I wanna see mommy!" He imitates Gabi's "voice," which causes me to laugh.

"Hi, baby girl." I coo when she's put in my arms. She's wide awake and as cute as ever. She has the most beautiful brown eyes, just like her daddy. I never thought that I could feel this much love for someone, but here I am, holding the joy of my life.

"Where have you guys been all day?" I question.

"We've been in the nursery." Kendall informs me. I giggle as Gabi wraps her hand around my finger. I seriously can't wait to bring her home. I just hope that Carlos doesn't decide to play any pranks and scar her for life before she even reaches her first birthday. Logan told me the story about his sixteenth birthday and it wasn't pretty.

"Dude, we're staying at the Four Seasons Hotel and the food is _unbelievable_."

James walks in with a mouthful, his hand in Dominique's. For whatever reason, they look like they know something that we don't, but I don't ask because I'm not sure that I wanna know.

Besides, I have a pretty good idea. Don't think that I don't notice that their hair looks different than it did earlier!

"Why are you staying at a hotel?" Logan frowns.

"Oh, just because." Dominique shrugs, walking over to me. "Awww, that is the cutest little girl that I've seen in a long time."

"Isn't she?" I squeal, admiring the sweet newborn. "Hey, could someone hand me her bottle? I think she's getting hungry."

Once Kendall hands me the bottle, I hold it to Gabi's lips and watch as she quietly enjoys her dinner. She looks cute even when she's eating. When I eat, I look like a dog eating chow. Logan tries to tell me that I look "sexy," but he's totally BSing me. Just last month, I gobbled down a whole plate of spaghetti in TEN minutes! In front of my mother-in-law!

"So...are you guys coming to my video shoot next week?" Dominique has a light in her eyes that we've only seen a few times. For example, when she's with James.

"We'll be there." James kisses her cheek.

"Are there gonna be any guest stars?" Carlos peeks his head into the room. He's been in the cafeteria for the past three hours. I don't know how someone can spend three whole hours sampling food options in a hospital cafeteria, but Carlos has never been normal.

"Austin Mahone is suppose to play my love interest."

"I just heard _Austin Mahone._"

"Katie!" Kendall turns toward the preteen girl in the doorway.

"Did you just say that Austin Mahone is gonna be in _your _stupid video?" Katie points a finger at Dominique.

"Yeah, _little girl_, he is." Dominique brings her face down to Katie's level. "But you're not allowed anywhere near him."

"We'll see about that." Katie answers, a little too coldly for Kendall's liking. It's not easy for me and the guys to hide our laughter, but we manage. We all know that Katie has a crush on James and her relationship with Dominique is...tense. To her, Dominique is the person that stole her future husband.

"Out, baby sister."

"Fine," Katie replies, crossing her arms. "But just know one thing. No one's keeping me from Austin."

Dominique snorts. "Good luck!"

* * *

**Don't you just love Katie and Dominique's relationship? :P**

**Thanks for reviewing! :D**


	46. Forever

**James's POV**

"Hey, she spit up on me!" Carlos complains. While Dominique is filming her video and Katie is stalking Austin Mahone, we're hanging out in her trailer with Gabi. Yeah, the kid just spit up on Carlos. If she could smile, I have a feeling that she would be laughing. Hey, the guys and I are laughing! Because it's funny to see Gabi's godfather with baby...spit...dripping down his shirt!

"Logan, did you teach her to do that?" Carlos asks.

"Nope, that was all her." Logan replies, taking a cloth out of the diaper bag. Carlos places her in his arms and he wipes the spit-up from her mouth. Yeah, she doesn't express much interest in cleanliness. Ah, who cares! She's a baby. A cute, innocent little baby.

"I could teach her all kinds of-"

"Don't even think about it, Carlos!"

I stifle a laugh, leaning against the wall. We're all having an awesome time here, as you probably can tell.

"AUSTIN!"

And there goes Katie, chasing Austin Mahone around the set, and probably aggravating the hell out of Dominique and the crew. Here's 2 Us needs a music video, but that's not gonna work out so well if someone doesn't restrain that girl. I've always felt like Katie was pretty chill, but she's the exact opposite at this particular moment.

"Ughhhh..." Kendall groans before exiting the trailer. "Katie, leave Austin alone!"

"Gabi, Auntie Katie is very weird." Logan says, cradling the newborn. So far, he's been doing great as a dad. He's so attentive and he never wants to let her go. I wish I were as good with children as he is. Most little kids are a bit scared of me now because there's been so much gossip about me.

"Let me hold her." I request, pleased when she's placed in my arms. I sit on the couch to make myself more comfortable. Gabi is falling back asleep. She spends a majority of the day on napping. She's adorable, but I look forward to her becoming a little more active.

"Carlos, can you help me out of my chair?"

"But Logan, you can't-"

"Just do it!" Logan's obviously impatient, so Carlos has no choice but to help him out of the wheelchair and put him next to me on the couch. I guess he wants to be close to his daughter. I hope it's not because he doesn't trust me. Sometimes I get the feeling that this is why he didn't choose _me _as Gabi's godfather.

"Cute, sweet little Gabi." He coos, touching her tiny hand. "Jay, can I see her?"

"But I just-"

"I just wanna hold her a little longer." Logan insists, taking her from me. When he's not looking, I glare at him, even though I know Carlos sees my reaction. After watching Logan and Gabi for a few minutes, I decide that I can't take it anymore. So I get up and hurry out of the trailer. Logan clearly doesn't trust me with his daughter. I can't believe it!

"James? James!"

I don't know why Carlos is following me. I mean, it's not like he doesn't know what's irking me. For the past week, I've just gotten the sense that Logan doesn't trust me with Gabi. Maybe it's because of my schizophrenia, I don't know! Maybe he thinks I'm too "crazy" and "unstable" to be trusted with a baby.

"Jay!"

"What, Carlos?" I turn around. Doesn't he know that I'm too tired to deal with this right now?

"What's wrong?"

"Look, Logan clearly doesn't feel comfortable with me holding his daughter-"

"Whoa! Jay, that's not the case at all! He's a new dad, you know? Of course he doesn't want anyone else holding her! She's his little girl, he's excited, and he wants to spend every waking moment with her in _his _arms. It has nothing to do with you!"

"What makes you think that?"

"Because he told me!"

I rub the back of my neck, hoping that he's right. Logan has no reason not to trust me with Gabi. I love her too and I would never do anything to put her in harm's way. I love her just as much as her parents, aunts, and other uncles do. If there's anyone to worry about, it's Jett. Why? Because he's an idiot and might drop her.

"Okay, I'm...I'm sorry I overreacted." I breathe.

"Stop worrying so much!"

I give him a somewhat nervous smile before I continue my walk to the set. At the moment, my girl is filming a scene with her band, in some old warehouse. This scene is particular will give the video a little edge because she's dressed in all leather and basically being a total rock star. If you ask me, it's pretty hot.

"AUSTIIIINNNN!"

"KATIE!"

I can tell that Dominique is having difficulty ignoring them. Hey, who wants their friend's little sister chasing their costar while they're filming their video? I know I'd be a bit irritated. I'm almost attempted to grab Austin myself and hide him in Dominique's trailer. Katie would never go there because she thinks it's "the devil's cave" or so she calls it.

"CUT!"

"Whaaaat?!" Dominique groans.

"Great job! Just beautiful!" Marcos, the director, exclaims. "Now, will someone control that child?!"

"Ha ha, I've got her!" Kendall says, throwing Katie over his shoulder. I laugh as Dominique approaches me, gladly accepting a kiss from her. I've told her a million times how excited I am to see the finished product.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, enough of that!" Gustavo pulls us apart, giving me "The Look." You know, the one that says "stop distracting her!" Well, he's lucky that I care so much about Dominique's success. I wouldn't dream of wrecking _her _video. I just hope that she doesn't get too many adoring male fans because then I'll have some butts to kick.

"YOU WILL BE MINE, AUSTIN!"

"No, he won't!"

I shake my head, kissing Dominique's cheek before walking back to the trailer.

* * *

**Camille's POV**

_Gabilyn Raye Mitchell-1 week old_

_Gabi is my world. I don't think I've ever loved someone like I love Gabi. I never really saw myself becoming a mom, at least not anytime soon. Now that I have a daughter, I couldn't imagine it any other way. Being a mom is the best job in the world. She's a week old now and she's getting more beautiful every day. Logan's doing wonder at being a dad, even in his condition. Honestly, it's a miracle that we conceived, since neither of us was confident that we'd be able to have children._

_XOXO,_

_Camille_

I finish the diary entry with a smile on my face. One of my aunts sent me a journal, so I can record all of my motherhood adventures. I write in it every evening and sometimes I'll add more to it if anything exciting happens throughout the rest of the day. I love keeping track of Gabi's milestones and her adventures with her mommy, daddy, aunts, uncles, and friends.

"Cam, we're home!"

"I'm in the nursery!" I answer, closing the journal. I giggle as I slide it back into the bookshelf, walking to the living room. Kendall is holding Gabi in her carrier. Awww, she looks so precious when she's sleeping. I just wanna spend the rest of the evening with her. Maybe we'll watch some movies!

"Hi, angel!" I coo, lifting her into my arms. "Guys, where's Katie? I thought she went with-"

"My mom is keeping her in the apartment until she recovers from her Austin Mahone withdrawal." Kendall replies, stroking Gabi's cheek. "Gab behaved, though."

"Well, I hope that continues." I kiss her cheek, holding her little hand. She yawns and her arms and legs begin moving, then her eyes begin opening. I meant every word I wrote in my journal entry. She is my whole world and I couldn't imagine life without her. I wish I could have went to the video set, but Logan insisted that I get some rest.

"Hey, Dominique and I are gonna go back to her apartment." James informs us.

"Okay, we'll see you later." Logan waves, bumping fists with James. I would wave, but I can't due to the baby in my arms. So I just settle for a smile. It's not hard for me to do either. After all, I've been incredibly happy these days and I just know that life will continue to get better.

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

"You are gonna _love _my video."

"I know." James winks, gently pressing me against the wall. I smirk at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I can't even begin to describe how attracted I am to this guy. In my eyes, he's pretty much perfect. No, I'm not a shallow skank that only cares about his looks. There's also his personality! I mean, he's totally lovable, you know?

"Maybe you can be in the next one." I whisper, playfully biting his ear. "As my super sexy, fine-as-hell love interest. How does that sound, pretty boy?"

"Pretty boy?"

"Yes! Pretty boy! Because you're sooo pretty." I laugh, giving him a short kiss. You know, we've come a long way since last year. We both had meltdowns, fights, and all kinds of friendship troubles. Now we're a couple and we're both making it big in Hollywood. In other words, I pretty much have everything that I could ever want.

"I love you." James whispers in my ear.

"I..." I hesitate. "I love you too."

* * *

**Sorry that this chapter is late:P There will be another update tomorrow:)**

**Also, I'm VERY excited to announce that Stuck In My Head is gonna have a SEQUEL! :D**

**Review! :D **


	47. Comeback

**James's POV**

"Coming up later in the show, we'll have a surprise performance by Big Time Rush! Well, it's not really a surprise now because I...just...told you."

I don't know what Gustavo was thinking when he got BTR booked on AM LA. I'm not ready to perform on live television! It has been more than a year since I've performed onstage and I'm actually more freaked out than I thought I would be. We have about fifty minutes until our performance and I'm pacing in my dressing room while everyone else is enjoying the snack table.

Oh, and I'm watching Gabi. Since she's napping, there's not really much I can do, so I'm panicking! My reputation has improved since that video that Stephanie made, but I still have really bad anxiety. There are some people that will always see me as being crazy.

Maybe I need to take an extra Prozac!

I start to grab the bottle from my gym bag, then something inside me tells me "no!" Slowly, I step away from the bag, lowering myself onto the couch. To calm myself, I focus my attention on Gabi, who recently turned three weeks old. She's got a surprising amount of hair on that little head of hers.

"I'm kind of nervous." I touch her hand. "Really nervous."

I stroke her cheek, a soft smile appearing when she begins waking up. She looks up at me with her usual blank expression. I'm looking forward to the day that she starts smiling. I, like a lot of people, think that baby smiles are adorable.

"I haven't done this in a while, you know?" I chuckle, lifting her from the carrier. "Performing, I mean. Last time I was onstage, I was headed for a big time meltdown. I heard voices and saw stuff that wasn't really there, I thought everyone was out to get me-"

You know, I don't really wanna talk about it anymore. Maybe it's time for me to let go and forget what happened last year. Yeah, take my meds, but don't focus so much on what happened. Truthfully, I'm tired of thinking about it. I just wanna _move on_. It's hard, sure, but I don't see why I shouldn't do it.

"Such a pretty little girl." I coo. I have a feeling that she's gonna be a really good kid. She's got Logan and Camille as her parents, so she'll be fine. She also has three awesome uncles and three aunts nearby to take care of her when needed.

"Jay, can I talk to you?" Dominique enters the dressing room. Before I answer, I have to take note of her chosen attire for the day. The pajama pants aren't a problem, but the tee shirt is what I'm worried about. Who wears a tee shirt that has "screw you" printed in huge black letters? Kelly thinks that we should send her to etiquette classes.

"Um, okay?" I don't know what she wants, but I'm always happy talking to her.

"Remember when we said we loved each other a couple weeks ago?"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"Did you really mean that?"

I frown as I put Gabi in her carrier, making sure she's safely tucked in before walking over to my girlfriend. I thought we had already decided where our relationship stands. We've been together for a year and we _love _each other. Isn't that right? Why is she suddenly questioning my sincerity?

"Why would you ask that?"

"I guess I just wanna make sure that you really mean it." Dominique confesses. "I mean, you have this reputation for being a player and I don't wanna be just some slut for you to play with and throw away when you're done with me."

"Is that what you think?" I can't believe that she'd say that. I've been nothing but loyal to her for the past year! Why is she doubting me? Since we got together, I've treated her like a princess. Am I not doing enough?

"I'm just making-"

"Yeah, sure!" I grumble, storming out as fast as I can.

* * *

**Dominique's POV**

"For God's sake, I asked a simple question!" I rant, stuffing my face with Carlos's Oreos. I cannot believe that I'm venting to a three week old baby, who probably doesn't understand a simple question. Come on, it's so obvious that the kid doesn't know or even care what I'm talking about.

"I just wanna make sure that he's serious about the relationship, you know? I mean, you get it, right? Your mom and dad have discussions all the time and they don't throw a huge fit about it!" I groan, shaking my head. "I mean, what is his problem? Why does he get so defensive about it?!"

For a moment, I become silent and just stare at Gabi. She only stares at me, not that that I care. At least she has no choice but to listen. With a baby, you can just rant and they'll listen whether they want to or not. Of course, maybe Gabi _does _care and I don't even realize it!

Great, I'm losing my sanity. Thanks a lot, James!

"I love that boy, but he drives me crazy sometimes." I complain. "Then again, we did meet in a mental hospital. Did you know that, Gabi? I liked starting fires and James heard voices and was convinced that someone was gonna kill him. I hope you stay normal, little girl, because mental hospitals suck-"

Um, I just heard footsteps. Slowly, I turn my head and find Logan in the doorway, eyeing me with his "what the hell" face. Gulping, I sit the box of Oreos down, keeping my head down as I scurry past him. I can't believe he caught me blabbing to his baby daughter about mine and James's mental issues.

"Still think I'm a player?"

"James, I didn't mean it like that!" I whip around to face my overly sensitive boyfriend.

"Well, I'm still offended."

"Uh, well, I don't give a-" He cuts me off by kissing me, really _really _passionately. Wow, I'm enjoying this way more than I should. Next thing I know, my fingers are tangled in his hair. I would love to shove him against the wall and take full control, but James won't have any of that. I know that boy far too well.

"Okay, you were just going at it, like, ten minutes ago and now that?!"

Carlos is clearly confused. Doesn't he know that our fights never last long? Our last argument ended after _five _minutes. It was last week and I thought he was checking out another girl at the Palm Woods, so I stormed off. Then he chased after me with a bag of Fruit Smackers that he bought for me...and you know I can't resist Fruit Smackers!

"Are you gonna watch the big performance?" He whispers in my ear.

"I wouldn't miss it."

* * *

**James's POV**

"Remember when James Diamond had that little breakdown last year? Well, he and the other BTR boys are here to perform their brand new single!"

I don't know why AM LA hired this girl to host their music segment. Her name is Cat Johnson, she's about twenty three, and she's not all that bright. I'm tempted to go out there and smack her down for that "breakdown" comment, but that wouldn't really help BTR's comeback. I'll control myself...this time.

"Jay, you okay?" Kendall whispers.

"_I'm gonna kill her._" I say through my smile.

"Anyway, please welcome BIG TIME RUSH!"

"Logan, you sure you can-"

"Yes, Kendork!"

Going back onstage is the most nerve wracking, anxiety provoking thing...for a little while. Once we're singing and dancing, however, the anxiety begins fading away. Pretty soon, I actually get very into it. The cool thing? AM LA recently decided to start having a live audience, so we're performing in front of an in-person audience!

That means that I get to shake some hands, wave, and point at some squealing teen girls. They're acting crazier than me, which is surprisingly comforting. During Logan's verse, I get a good glimpse of some pretty...interesting signs that make me crack up...big time. Some Rushers are really something else.

"MARRY ME, KENDALL!"

Jo doesn't look so happy when she hears that. Hey, what girl wants random teens screaming marriage proposals at her boyfriend? I almost hope that I don't end up getting one because Dominique might actually try to start a fight with the girl.

"BE MY HUSBAND, JAMES!"

"Watch it, sister!" Dominique snaps. The girl starts to respond, but Dominique's expression is enough to scare anyone off. She even scares me sometimes!

As much as I'd like to tell her to knock it off, I can't really do that when I'm in the middle of performing a song. I'll just have to shake it off, even though I think that Dominique is need of a major scolding. Sometimes that girl can be way too jealous. Kendall and Carlos call it possessive, I call it jealous.

By the end of the song, I feel like I'm on cloud nine. I almost forgot how amazing it feels to be onstage, performing for so many adoring fans. I thought it would be terrifying to be up here again, but now I remember how amazing it feels. To feel like a star, to feel like so much more than the media has portrayed me to be.

Today, I feel like me.

The REAL me.

* * *

**Review! :D**


	48. Famous

**James's POV**

So...many...cameras. I should be excited that BTR finally made it to the Tween Choice Awards, but I'm too busy trying not to puke. The best part is that BTR's new song, We Are, is nominated. The worst part is that this is my first major public appearance since last year. Everyone knows that I have schizophrenia and they probably still think I'm crazy.

"Dogs, just relax and have fun." Gustavo says, clearly making an attempt at keeping me calm. The truth? IT'S NOT WORKING! It's been more than a year since I've set foot on a red carpet. There's so many lights, so many people, so many critics, so much everything!

"Go on!" Kelly encourages as our driver opens the door for us. I look at my bandmates, who give me their most reassuring looks. Well, I guess I'll have to do this eventually. So I follow them out of the limo, watching as Kendall and Carlos help Logan into his wheelchair. I can't believe he actually has to roll down the red carpet in that thing.

"BIG TIME RUSH!"

"SMILE FOR THE CAMERA, BOYS!"

"YOU LOOK GREAT, JAMES!"

Well, that was a nice reporter. Come to think of it, I suddenly feel a little better about being here. I need to relax and have fun. I mean, we're at the Tween Choice Awards! We have the chance to win a purple rocket! That's an achievement that only a few people can accomplish!

"Hey, look at Dominique being interviewed." Carlos whispers. Sure enough, Dominique is being interviewed by Ryan Newman of the Nick At Night show See Dad Run. My girl's being way more polite than usual. Of course, she'd be in trouble if she started screaming curse words at invasive onlookers.

"BOYS, LOOK THIS WAY!"

"Just look at the camera." Kendall murmurs before we pose, smiling at the cameras. At one point, the bright camera flashes make me cringe a little, but it doesn't take me long to recover. I keep reminding myself to relax, even though it's _very _hard.

"So, Dominique, who are you most excited to see tonight?"

"Well, Ryan, I-"

"Her boyfriend!" I turn around and hurry over to her, even though I think it nearly gives Ryan a heart attack. I just need to make sure that Harry Styles or Justin Bieber won't try to make a move on her. Just sending out a warning, okay? She's mine and if anyone tries anything, they'll be sorry.

"James, what are you-"

"Come on, I just wanted to say hi." I chuckle, kissing my girlfriend's cheek. Now she's blushing, which could be either a good thing or a bad thing. I think I see the Biebs checking her out, though, so I don't really care if she embarrassed or not. I just need to make sure that no pretty boy tries to mess with her.

"James, stop looking at Bieber!"

"Love your new song, Biebs!" I call out before grabbing Dominique and ushering her into the building. Once we're out of the view of the media, she gives me a dirty look, which is _never _a good thing. She always gives me that look when I've done something embarrassing and/or stupid. I guess interrupting her interview could be classified as both.

"I love you?"

"I'm dating an idiot."

* * *

**Lucy's POV**

Okay, I need to find that goop room. Logan told me to find it and take some really good pictures. I might even take some live video. Besides, I also dream of touching some goop. I would prefer to swim in it, but I'm wearing a 500 dollar dress and I really don't feel like going to the dry cleaners.

"Alright, goop room, where are ya?" I tip toe down an empty hallway.

I see it! I actually see the door to the goop room.

I squeal, pulling the door open. There it is. A giant pool of beautiful, slimy, purple goop. As pathetic as this may seem, it's the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. If I weren't wearing such expensive clothes, I would go for a swim. I mean, who doesn't wanna swim in a pool of goop? Even Jo said that she would!

"Okay, let's get a sample." I whisper, kneeling by the edge. Taking a small cup from inside my jacket, I proceed to roll up my sleeve and scoop some purple goodness into the cup. Then I put the cap back on and do a little happy dance. Of course, the happiness goes away when I hear a door slamming shut.

"Gosh, please tell me that I'm not locked in here." I groan, walking to the door.

Yep, I'm locked in...and I don't even have my cell phone with me.

* * *

Two hours come and go, and I remain trapped in this _stupid _room. I'm forced to watch most of the show on a screen, including Dominique's "Here's 2 Us" performance. There's one more hour left and I'm horrified that I'll miss out on BTR's performance. They're gonna sing "We Are" and they KNOW that I love that song!

"HELP?!" I yell. Of course, no one hears me. I've been screaming, yelling, and punching walls for the past two hours and I haven't been rescued yet. Is that awards show really that entertaining?

"Oh, sure, forget about me!" I haven't even been thinking about how close I am to the goop pool. So I end up falling into the goop, screaming and cursing at the top of my lungs. Like I said, this dress cost me FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS! Now it's ruined! I definitely won't be able to watch the show live now.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, LOGAN MITCHELL!" I screech, struggling climb back onto the concrete. He just had to make me find this stupid goop room! Now my first awards show experience is ruined!

"Lucy, where are you?"

"Jo!" I gasp. "Jo, I'm in here!"

"Lucy, what are you-"

Wow, awkward moment of silence. Jo just opened the door and now she's staring at me. Dominique, on the other hand, seems more interested in the pool of slime behind me. Way to care, Senorita Stupid! Ugh, I just need to get cleaned up, so I can _kill _Logan or at least pour some goop on his head.

"Don't...say...a word."

"But-"

With one last glare at Dominique, I storm out of the room in search of a shower and clean clothes.

* * *

**James's POV**

"Now Dominique Santiago and Lucy Stone will present the aware for Favorite Pop Song!"

"Well, we already lost four awards." Carlos whispers. "I guess we're screwed."

"Hey, did you not hear what Nick Cannon said? We still have one more chance!" Kendall reminds us. I inhale and exhale, watching my surroundings. Since I was forced to leave my comfort zone to come here, I'd like to leave with an award. Is one purple rocket too much to ask? Just one!

"Nice sweats, Miss Stone!" Dominique laughs. For whatever reason, Lucy is dressed down in black track pants and a grey sweatshirt. I almost wanna question _why_, but I'm not sure that I wanna know.

"Here's some goop for you!" Lucy replies, taking out a cup and throwing purple goop at Dominique's face.

"Oh, you're _hilarious_." Dominique says through a smile. "Anyway, here are the nominees for Favorite Pop Song!"

One by one, the nominees are listened. They include BTR's We Are, Lucy's You Dumped Me For Her, and Dominique's Here's 2 Us, as well as Selena Gomez's Come and Get It. I'll be happy for whoever wins, but I'd really like for Big Time Rush to win. We just made our comeback and an award would be wonderful!

"And the winner is..."

"I wanna announce it!" Dominique yelps, snatching the envelope from Lucy. "Big Time Rush!"

"YES!" Mama Knight screams. "IN YOUR FACE, GOMEZ!"

"Mom!" Kendall scolds, giving Selena an apologetic smile. Then we get out of our seats, giving bystanders high fives as we walk to the stage. Carlos even stops by Stephanie and gives her a kiss, which we weren't really expecting.

"Congrats, sexy." Dominique murmurs in my ear, handing me the purple rocket while the crowd cheers us on.

"So this is it, you guys." Logan whispers. "This is what the big time feels like."

"We made it." I smile, waving to the crowd. "We really made it."

Carlos nods. "We went through hell, only to end up here."

"I guess your mom was right, Jay." Kendall tells me. "We really can do anything we set out minds to."

"Yeah," I agree, patting his shoulder. "I guess she _was _right."

* * *

Well, that's the last chapter! I was gonna have 50 chapters, but I decided that this would be a good stopping point:) Thank you to everyone that reviewed:) Next, I'm gonna write a sequel to Stuck In My Head! Basically, James gets kidnapped, can't take his meds, and relapses:/

Review! :D


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